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Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

999 replies

openupmyeagereyes · 29/06/2020 11:18

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

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5
danni0509 · 20/11/2020 18:20

That school was awful beyond words.

When we got there and they’d let us in a little boy had climbed up the bannister and got himself stuck inbetween the bannister and the stairs (hard to explain) the stairs were like a really old fashioned high up staircase and inbetween the bannister and stairs there was a ledge he’d climbed between and he was right at the top so if he had fallen he would of really hurt himself. That didn’t impress me to start with as the man trying to get him out was just asking him to get out rather than actually getting him out, that went on for quite a few minutes, I was looking at my dh like wtf, just remove the child now before he comes to harm.

So ds went into a classroom and that little stair climber (he was really sweet) followed ds in and said to ds hello what’s your name and ds went meowwwww (I told you before he meows like he’s a cat) so the little boy went hello meow I’m Isaac, he thought ds was called meow 😂😂😂😂 bless him.

Anyway the teacher showed me around the classrooms it was more like a big semi detached house and the living rooms had been turned into classrooms, there were no tables or chairs just mats on the floor and a few really shit toys scattered about.

There was antibacterial hand gel all over, actual bottles on the window ledge etc (ds would just drink that) so dh said don’t you put things like that out of reach? She said no we encourage the children to use it, that’s fine but it still needs to be out of reach.

Then I asked some questions, so I asked what sort of levels the other children were working at to give me an idea, she said I’m not sure off the top of my head, I said I thought you were the class teacher for this class? I just wanted a rough idea? So she said I’d have to check (bizarre if you teach a class of 4 children every day and you only have the same 4 children how do you not have a rough idea what level they are at) she was basically clueless, anything I asked her she really didn’t fill me with any confidence at all.

Then there was a big dirty fish tank with 1 single fish in and the lights weren’t working or anything and ds went up to it and tried to rock it over 😳 so she asked us if we wanted to go outside, there were rabbit hutches against a wall and one of the cages was open and in the middle of the garden the rabbit was just running about so I got ds quickly and took him back inside. He would of squashed it and she would of been eating rabbit pie for her lunch on Sunday, I’d seen enough by this point.

When we were outside the other little boy was doing as he pleased and she couldn’t get him inside and she really was rubbish at dealing with him he wanted to go on the swing so she pushed him then said last go but then he kicked off and she kept saying one more go and giving in to him.

I think the best part was when she said if ds started he’d go into the non verbal / pre verbal class to start with until a place became available in the other 2 classes. I said let me get this straight you want to put a completely verbal child (who’s speech in my opinion is good to say he has all his issues) into a class with 3 other non verbal children? She said yes. 😡

Then I asked about the work and she said they do a 5 minute activity then playtime and then 5 minute activity then playtime it’s just really short bursts of activities.

The school day is 9-1.30pm (!) and the little boy who was there when we came, his taxi had not arrived and two members of staff where loudly complaining that he hadn’t been collected and had asked his mum to come and pick him up and that’s why they were waiting for her to arrive, I felt like waiting for her and saying get your child and run and don’t bring him back.

I told sendiass how awful it was as the la are hoping I chose there as it’s the only place within an hour with a place. It’s 40k a year they just be joking I wouldn’t pay 40p!

danni0509 · 20/11/2020 18:40

I have 1 other to contact Monday morning (it’s about an hour from us!) and I’m waiting on 1 other getting back to me a bit more local, that is literally it. I’ve tried everywhere (sendiass confirmed I’ve tried all that I can, she named all the special provisions with an hour from us this afternoon) and if those two I’m waiting on fail I literally don’t have a clue.

Not too far from were we are they have an independent autism school but it’s 8 years plus, ds isn’t 7 until January and they won’t give any leeway.

Only other option is to go even further a field which she mentioned like Sheffield way on (2 hour drive) but as I said to sendiass ds isn’t fully toilet trained he wets regular and it’s not fair to expect him to sit in wet clothes for a length of time and I’m not sure a taxi driver will put up with that, plus he’s not great doing long journeys he gets bored and starts head butting in his car seat trying to get out but thanks to crelling harness he can’t then if I need to get him from school if he’s poorly or whatever or for parents evenings and annual reviews etc it’s how far away it is for me that I need to consider. Also I don’t want him at a school 2 hours away!

Do I sit tight and wait for the special school that’s local and just keeping getting la to consult until a place is free, keep ds on 2.5hr a day with 2-1 in mainstream until he has to leave in July (pretty sure they will permanently exclude before that though) (he would have to go to juniors which is a separate school to what he’s at now from next September but la have told me not to apply for it and I’m to ignore the invitation I’ve just received, so technically come July he’s school less anyway) and then have to have him home with me until something comes up local and tell the la they will have to provide home tuition in the meantime??

Argh. Hard work! Too much going on in my head, need to hope someone from either of these two schools can save my sanity x

openupmyeagereyes · 20/11/2020 19:25

danni that sounds beyond awful, I would rather homeschool my child. Provision is so lacking that someone has set up this shambles and is charging £40k per child for not even a full day? Hmm

You don’t need to rush this. Take your time and don’t let them rush you.

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dimples76 · 20/11/2020 21:11

Oh Danni how disappointing. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. Is it worth applying to the Tribunal if LA will not include the school that you want in EHCP? There are some resources on the IPSEA website about challenging an LA decision where a school place is refused on the grounds of the school being full.

I had quite a good conversation with DS's teacher. She seemed to have some good ideas about social communication interventions. She said that DS had nearly passed the pre-assessment phonics screening test - I'm sure that a parent of a non-SEN child would not find this exciting news! She also said that he had not had a single meltdown/screaming incident this academic year. His behaviour at home has been quite tricky of late so I was surprised but v pleased.

Hoping for a relaxed, outdoorsy weekend

danni0509 · 21/11/2020 10:10

That’s good about his pre phonics screening dimples, well done to your ds Star enjoy your outdoorsy weekend.

Open I know that was pretty much it, 40 thousand pounds a year for 4.5 hours a day of pure rubbish. I would definitely home school him as an alternative. I’d much prefer the local special school at half that cost per year. Dh thought the more you paid the more you got but I think after yesterday he realises that’s not strictly true.

Light I’m sorry I didn’t reply the other day, thanks for your message about laxido and it’s nice to hear from you, so glad ds is meeting his targets, is he still at nursery or school now? I never remember kids grow too quick!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

I’m just going to pick ds some Lego up, I’ve never bought him any before as he puts things into his mouth but if we supervise while he plays he should be ok so thought we could get some for something for him to do so I’m going to collect from smyths soon, dh is going to build a house with him this afternoon so I can have an hour to clean up.

Ds let me cut his hair this morning! his hair is so long it’s practically on his shoulders, for the past 6 months he’s gone mental every time I’ve tried so his fringe is on his upper lip and he can’t see he’s always having to move it out of his way and I’ll be honest even though I brush it every day he was looking scruffy so I’ve been wondering how I can cut it as he wakes when I try to do it in his sleep.

So I kept saying to him Santa had his hair cut yesterday his mummy cut it so when he gets on the sleigh he can see what houses he’s going to, that wasn’t good enough so I took to cutting pieces of my own hair off in the kitchen this morning to show ds it wasn’t hurting then did the same to my dh, he still wouldn’t play ball so I put my camera on my phone turned it so it was in selfie mode and let ds video it so he could see what was going on behind him iyswim and when I went near ds with the scissors (he usually launches an attack at this point and I have to put them away) he let me cut some!! so I quickly tidied it up and it looks so so much better 🙂

openupmyeagereyes · 21/11/2020 19:00

danni where there’s a will there’s a way! A very creative approach to hair cutting Grin

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openupmyeagereyes · 21/11/2020 19:01

Well done to your ds dimples, hopefully he’ll calm down at home too.

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LightTripper · 23/11/2020 18:22

DS is still at nursery but starting school in September 2021. DD has to change school at the same time (her school is tiny and only goes up to Y2) so hoping we can find somewhere that works for both of them. There are a couple of possibles so just keeping everything crossed one of them works out.

That's great news on the hair cut @danni0509 but I'm sorry the school was such a disappointment. Did you manage to contact the other one you found today?

How was the outdoorsy weekend @dimples76? We had one of those and it was pretty good. I managed to get out into the garden myself today and make up a couple of wintery pots with cyclamen and stuff, which cheered me up no end. DD and DS both pretty tired by the end of the week these days so need really chilled weekends. Woods, jumping in muddy puddles, movies - that's about it really! I do worry a bit how DD will cope post-Covid when we start trying to do more at weekends, but anyway, that's not worth worrying about - we'll just have to try and see what happens! Glad DS's teacher had some good ideas too.

openupmyeagereyes · 23/11/2020 18:48

We had some nice outdoor time this weekend too. Local green park & play area Saturday and a nearby country park & woods on Sunday. Such a change to have a sunny dry weekend! I have lots more bulbs that I need to plant in the garden. I planted garlic in some pots last weekend so it will be interesting to see how that does next year.

Glad you have some options for dc’s school Light.

Good start to the week here, plus ds slept through until 5 which makes a nice change.

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dimples76 · 23/11/2020 22:07

Yes, the dryness and sunshine at the weekend was greatly appreciated. We had some lovely walks and park visits. DS was v relaxed and good company. Although he did advise me that I'm a bit short and rather wide. Thanks son!

danni0509 · 25/11/2020 13:20

I’m looking at another special school tomorrow afternoon they weren’t keen on ds coming tomorrow but since I can’t leave him on his own and dh needs to look at the school with me he has to come with us as he needs picking up at 12 and we are viewing the school at 2 so they’ve sort of agreed but I could tell she wasn’t very happy! I said dh will look around and when he’s seen enough he’ll take ds back to the car then I’ll stay on and have a chat without ds. I explained he was only part time and there’s not much I can do. That’s 30 minutes away. They have places available.

I’m also in talks with another school who have a place about going to look around but it’s 45 mins away in the car and they want me to go at 3.30 after school has finished but I’m having to come up with a compromise as I can’t drive in the dark (i know I know! I wear glasses and my night vision is so so bad it’s not safe so I won’t do it) so by the time I get out of viewing it I won’t be able to get home! 😂 so the heads going to ring me and see what she can do but they were really nice on the phone and wasn’t bothered how much a tit I sounded when I explained.

I’ll keep you posted x

danni0509 · 25/11/2020 13:22

Glad you all sound like you had good weekends, ours wasn’t too bad either to be fair x

danni0509 · 25/11/2020 13:25

I will drive in the dark in an emergency by the way such as I’ve taken to ds to out of hours at hospital etc but I don’t do it for the fun of it. I’m ok but only if I know the roads / it’s local / not far etc and even then it’s rare I go out in the dark.

I know viewing a special school isn’t for the fun of it but it’s bendy country roads, so absolutely no chance I’ll risk it, broad daylight only I’m afraid.

I’ll just have to tell them future parents evenings in daylight only hours 😂😂

openupmyeagereyes · 25/11/2020 14:07

danni do you have an astigmatism? They can make driving at night difficult (I have them too). I think you can get corrective lenses for them which may help you.

I hope the school visits go well and you can find one you click with.

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danni0509 · 25/11/2020 14:13

Yes open that’s exactly what I have! The headlights from other cars blind me and make my vision blurred x

danni0509 · 26/11/2020 15:54

School I viewed today was worse than the first. Pulled up into the car park, 9 windows smashed all boarded up........... I took pictures to send to my mum. Big double windows aswell. I said to dh let’s just go i don’t even want to go in.

Anyway we went in and the children were locked in the classroom banging on the doors and windows 😕

At least the first one had all its windows in tact.

Losing the will at the minute with all this, the other one I’m in talks with now has said they have no places so we have no options now other than sitting tight for god only knows how long (years) for the local one, she took us through this one today and it looked more like what i would expect a prison to look like x

danni0509 · 26/11/2020 15:56

I’ve got the pictures so if the la say why can’t you pick one of the two that have places I can send her pictures and say, so you want me to send my son to a school that has more smashed windows than not.

Forget it!

danni0509 · 26/11/2020 15:57

It wasn’t just about the windows by the way there were lots of reasons x

LottieBalloo · 26/11/2020 16:12

Sounds awful @danni0509, much hugs and cake! Sit tight and see what happens. We are still waiting to hear about EHCP, senco also less than impressed with la caseworker...I authorised action to approach special school the Monsay before last and when we checked with LA, they said they were going to send paperwork by tomorrow to special school...like, I've done it and given it to you, just send it on!!

danni0509 · 26/11/2020 21:01

Thanks Lottie x hope all goes well your end, never ending isn’t it? x

LightTripper · 27/11/2020 16:59

Oh @danni0509 that sounds rubbish.
Why not go to see the 45 minute one if you can? If they did have a place and it's gone, hopefully that means at least there isn't that long a waiting list, so maybe you could go on a list if you like it, even if they don't have something immediately?

I think I've got a bit of a rosy view of these places as we did our Early Bird + class at the local autism school and it actually seemed very nice and very calm. Modern building, children looked happy, small class sizes. I only saw one child distressed in a corridor but they had an adult with them very calm and helping them calm down, so it wasn't traumatic or anything (and they weren't very distressed - it looked more like hyped up). I've been thinking I might see if they need volunteers for reading or supervising breaks or anything if I'm working less next year, as I'd like to learn more about autism more generally, and not just DD's particular version of it.

We're all well here though DD is quite stressed. I think it's a combination of all these assessments (which are mainly just internal things for the school, and not super-formal - she doesn't complain about them but I do think it's adding to her tiredness) plus preparing for the Christmas show, which they are doing as a puppet show on video. DD hates being on camera and is a bit paranoid somebody is going to film her. I'm trying to encourage her to talk to her TA about it herself as I feel like it's an important skill for her to be able to explain her needs, but she finds it very stressful so maybe I'm being mean to push it.

Anyway, we'll have a nice calm weekend. We're going to put the tree up, get Christmas jumpers out, roast a ham and make a Christmas cake and probably not much else! Might try to get the kids to make some Christmas cards if they seem up for some crafts! Then she's only got 2 weeks of term left, and in the second week the last day is a half day and the day before that is a party which she really enjoys, so really should not be too exhausting!

livpotter · 27/11/2020 17:25

Oh danni they all sound rubbish. I looked at 4 different schools for ds and none of them were as bad as the ones you've described. It was more that they just didn't feel right for ds. I hope something comes along soon.

That sounds like such a lovely weekend light. We had our first Christmas movie on yesterday. The kids love the Christmas chronicle movies on Netflix. It felt nice to have something festive to watch.

We had a rubbish morning here on Monday, ds refused to go on the bus and dh ended up having to carry him on. Not a good start to the week. Then today ds came home with star of the week! Apparently he can now read CVC and high frequency words. To be honest I didn't even know he could read until parents meeting a couple of weeks ago! Predictably he refuses to read at home Grin

Hope everyone else is ok!

dimples76 · 27/11/2020 19:55

We just watched the Christmas Chronicles Liv. DS was v set on a cinematic experience it was pitch black here and I worried for bum shuffling DD. However, no accidents occurred! We had a lovely snuggle all together on the sofa. I had a little cry but DS was rather confused by me happy tears and suggested that I must be tired. We are also digging out our Christmas jumpers as we're visiting a Christmas Tree Farm tomorrow to pick our tree.

Unfortunately we're going into tier 3 and having been in some form of lockdown since mid-September, I was really hoping for 2. DS got 28/40 on phonics screening so he nearly passed. His teacher sent me a lovely message about it.

openupmyeagereyes · 28/11/2020 05:59

dimples well done to ds for his phonics screening result Star

liv well done to your ds too for his reading Star

Light it would be great to help out at the autism school. I hope dd settles once the play filming is finished.

danni how frustrating that you finally get the ok and there’s no suitable school available. I hope something better opens up soon.

Lottie I hope the LA get moving before the Christmas break.

We’ve had a good week. Ds is nearly back to full days and is very settled at the moment which is great. His class have been filming their part of the nativity this week and ds did well apparently. I’m looking forward to seeing the DVD. He started using a software programme called Clicker this week and seemed to get on fine with it. I’m hoping that, in time, he will be able to write too but this helps him to work beyond the level of his writing ability which would otherwise hold him back so all good.

Ds’ favourite Christmas film is Home Alone. We haven’t watched the new Christmas chronicles film yet, I’ll try and save that for December. Dh and I have been watching The Queen’s Gambit which is fab.

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LightTripper · 30/11/2020 01:21

Ahh I really want to see Queen's Gambit! We currently subscribe to Prime, but I'm thinking of ditching it and switching to Netflix or Disney +. I was thinking maybe Disney + over Christmas so the kids have access to all the films (and I can watch Hamilton!), and then switch again to Netflix next year. We will want to go back to Prime at some point as I'll want to watch the next series of The Expanse, but we don't watch enough TV to justify subscribing to more than one thing really.

Glad DS is settled open! I suspect in the future kids will just do speech to text applications and actually writing by hand will seem pretty stone-age, so maybe DS is just skipping a generation or two! As you say, the main thing is to enjoy it. Hopefully as his hand strength and coordination improve hand-writing will get easier, and then the software will help him gain all the skills around sentence construction and grammar and stuff.

Sorry about Tier 3 dimples. Hopefully you may get into Tier 2 before too long if numbers keep falling? Great news on DS's phonics test though! And brilliant news on the reading liv. DD definitely hides things from us if she thinks we might get excited about it ... we have to really try to restrain ourselves!

DD survived the week though she was super tired! She had to do an assessment for a possible new school over the weekend, and they messed up all the passwords and stuff so it was a bit stressful for us - but DD didn't seem to mind it. It was a timed thing so I was panicking there would be a clock (I had blu-tack and paper ready to cover the relevant bit of the screen if there was as that would totally have freaked DD out) but actually it was fine (no visible clock) and she did it in 45 mins, when 1h15 was allowed (TBH I didn't think we would manage to sit and do 1h15 of maths anyway ... I wonder how many 6 year olds could??). It's obviously just a thing to make sure people do it in one setting and don't wander off.

Other than that weekend went pretty much as planned! Did tree, ham and cake, and also some ginger biscuits with the kids. Watched "The Nut Job" which was pretty fun, and the Winnie and Wilbur Christmas special from a couple of years ago which both kids LOVE (so sad they never made more!! It's on YouTube if anybody fancies giving it a go with their DC: Didn't go anywhere near Christmas cards ... mañana ... (i.e. I will rush out and buy some last minute, realistically Grin)