Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Good luck for those back to school tomorrow x

Ds is Tuesday.

Yes, good luck. DS is back on Tuesday. We have had a lovely holiday - feeling a bit blue about returning to work and not having as much time together

Ds goes back today. No resistance so far but I won’t hold my breath.

A tricky day yesterday with ds acting up a lot. It turned out that he was sad about Christmas being over and the decorations coming down, especially the tree, though it wasn’t clear until afterwards.

He has started to talk about death which is new. It was a bit worrying at first as he mentioned it while he was very sad about the tree but at bedtime it became clearer that he’s just generally started to think about it which I think is a phase that all children go through? He has seen it in various films and programmes - the Snowman and the snowdog being the most recent. We also had an elderly neighbour who died a year or so ago and it comes up periodically.

DD went through a period of being very interested in death. She still is interested but it comes up a lot less often now. I think it came up a bit early for DD as she lost her Grandma when she was 3. There are some nice books like Badger's Parting Gifts, Always & Forever and Rabittyness that might help talking about it. DD was also quite interested in body books (like those Usborne lift the flap ones) and how different bits work, what keeps us alive: maybe that's a bit morbid!)

I hope DS made it to school OK this morning. DD is not back until Thursday, and then DS has a visit to nursery on Friday and starts properly next Tuesday. He is super-excited ... I hope he likes it when he gets there! His teacher is called Kate and for a while he was convinced it was Catie from Catie's amazing machines, so I worry he is going to have a bit of a disappointment when he meets her (he seems to have got that it isn't Catie from the TV but he summarises it as "Not Catie yellow hat" so I'm not entirely sure... I don't think she even wears a yellow helmet does she?)

Ds doesn't understand about death or anything he's quite far off that level really. Sorry no useful advice open, but if he's seen it on tv programmes and as you say about your neighbour, maybe that's why he's becoming inquisitive? But yes it is a completely normal phase. How did school go today?

I tell ds you can only do certain things when your an adult, such as drive a car, drink beer etc. I said to him tonight, come on let mummy brush your teeth let's clean them 'adult teeth', so he looked at me really buzzing and said ds is an adult now, ds can drive mums car and ds can drink beer. In your dreams pal haha. I do think he actually thinks he's an adult now and can do those things, I have to be careful how I word things, should be interesting when I take him to the car for school tomorrow morning and he thinks he's jumping in my seat

Hope ds nursery visits go well light.

We had an epic meltdown this morning, over an electric toothbrush, my mum was here and we were both thoroughly exhausted by the time it had finished, worst one he's had yet.

He's asleep now, all school uniform ironed, bags packed and I'm really looking forwards to a few hours respite tomorrow I'm not going to lie!

Hope school goes well for everyone this week x

His afternoon TA said he’d been ok but I’ll hear how he was in the morning when I drop him off.

We had a massive meltdown for about an hour and ten minutes this morning, starting before 5am. It escalated to him trying to hurt us (kicking and scratching), get my keys to get out of the house and trying to get scissors to break out of the house. Lots of shouting and stomping about. It started off as a tantrum but he gets to a point where he just can’t regulate himself to calm down and nothing we do seems to help - it’s not a noise issue, deep pressure hugs don’t help. He doesn’t often have this sort of episode but dh is catastrophising a bit.

He seems perfectly calm now, playing with Lego like nothing happened. I think we need to get a key safe and all scissors need to be out of reach for a while. Do we need to start worrying about the knife drawer? How long is it before that occurs to him?

That sounds scary open, and DH catastrophising can't help though I guess we all react in our own way and don't necessarily have much control over that either! Maybe for now you could get a knife holder that goes inside a cupboard (my parents have one fitted to the inside of one of their kitchen cabinet doors, but it's from the 70s: they seem to have magnetic versions now), and then if need be you could put a cupboard lock on that? Do you think it's overwhelm from adjusting back to school?

www.clasohlson.com/uk/Coline-Magnetic-Kitchen-Knife-Rack/p/44-1863?gclid=Cj0KCQiA9dDwBRC9ARIsABbedBN_Pgab4uCNzaUH62Zcpa4gWv337KRomV-eXhlhByinoCOXb8nyP9gaAkH7EALw_wcB

www.globalfse.co.uk/stainless-steel-wall-knife-box-30-x-32-x-6-5cm?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQiA9dDwBRC9ARIsABbedBNLACWb4O7-1X3HVxy-Q7oZfp2ozBKdTqqqZGUYPJjbGvC8LRFEW70aAhtAEALw_wcB

Thanks Light I will discuss options with dh tonight. I’ve already dropped a key safe in my Amazon basket, I just need to check the internal dimensions.

It seems to be a massive transition issue with Christmas being over and his birthday yesterday. This morning he started off being upset that it wasn’t still his birthday and that there wouldn’t be presents today. That escalated to anger, then rage, but I suspect he’s just trying to process the fact that the excitement is over for now. When he calmed down he started talking about us going on holiday at Easter. He went into school fine so that doesn’t yet seem a source of anxiety though the timing probably doesn’t help.

Poor little boy, I hate to see him so upset. I came across a quote yesterday and it’s so apt for today: My child isn’t giving me a hard time. My child is having a hard time.

I hope he’s had a decent day 🤞

Glad he went in fine - fingers crossed it was all good today. At least you're forewarned for next year and maybe can find a way to spread out the birthday stuff a bit or something? It's a difficult time of year to have a birthday when you're little (though probably helps with the post-Christmas transition a bit!)

Oh Open that sounds tough but as you state it's a lot for your DS to cope with Christmas over, birthday over, back to school. It must have been a shock to you both with the scissors. My cousin's son's birthday is on Boxing Day (he has ADHD). He found it difficult to cope with so my cousin has now instituted a half birthday and saves some presents for his summer 'birthday'.

DS woke up several times during the night (nearly always sleeps v well - I know I'm lucky). We had a lot of tears this morning at home. But he went into school quite happily, came out smiling and with a sticker for 'neat handwriting' - wow! He read v well today and had no toileting accidents. I don't know about you but I seem v bad at anticipating how his day is going to go. In worse news DS remembered that I had not set up the door bell Santa got him for Christmas. All hope of peace and quiet in this house is gone. DS has decided that his favourite ring tone is dogs barking - why is that even an option?

Open happy birthday to your ds for yesterday 🎈 🎂 my ds is 6 in a fortnight.

We have everything locked out of reach for ds safety he still has to have stair gates on his room & the stairs etc. Ds smashes cups and plates for fun if left on the draining board because I'm a lazy cow and don't put them away so can only imagine the damage he'd do if he got hold of a carving knife 😂 we have to lock the front door and take out the key and put it in a locked key box, I always have to be 10 steps in front thinking wise to protect him.

Dimples hopefully ds sleeps better for you tonight x

Ds came home from school in a happy mood today and has been quite pleasant tonight. X

Love that “hard time” quote; I’ll remember that. Today was add first day back. I’ve been talking to her all over Christmas break about the transition from school to home, which can be v.difficult, and today we tried leaving it til a bit later so she could see it was 3 on the clock before I arrived. A 10 minute transition to shoes and coat went in and she bounced out happier than usual. Might be a one-off as she was excited but fingers crossed. Her days and the activities on each one have changed this week so that caused a bit of upset but we’ve drawn another timetable and she helped colour it in so hopefully that’ll help too. There’s so much forward thinking involved isn’t there!!! Hope everyone else is having a smooth bedtime. I’ve had to deal with several monsters already 💪🙄!!!

Thanks for the support everyone, and the birthday wishes danni.

TA said he’d been ‘mostly ok’ this morning but it seems he spent all afternoon outside. Whilst not ideal, he has refused to go outside at school for ages so at least he got some fresh air and is hopefully over that mental block. We’ll see how well he sleeps tonight.

He was fine after school with no issues 🙏

dimples I was going to say isn’t that Topsy and Tim’s doorbell but ds told me theirs was sheep baaing

So we're up here yawn!

Light wow that's a long holiday. Hope ds enjoys going to nursery at the end of the week.

Danni that's so funny about ds being an adult. Good luck with that! Sorry about the tothbrush meltdown, it's awful when they really lose it.

That sounds very scary open. Hope ds is better this morning. We've had all our knives and scissors hidden for a while, although I'm sure ds could probably get to them if he really wanted to. We had a bad phase last year where I had to lock all the doors and hide the keys.
We had a similar problem on Boxing Day when ds realised the presents were finished.

Dimples well done to your ds about the handwriting. Sorry about the doorbell, that sounds hellish!! Does it have a volume control?

Furrycat love the idea of colouring in the timetable.

We've had a tricky couple of days here. A small violent meltdown on Monday night. Then took me 30mins to get him out of dd's nursery yesterday, he was consistently running into the door and spitting everywhere. Got him home and he was a mess and all over the place. Managed to calm him down ok and got him to bed. But he's obviously very anxious, otherwise we wouldn't be up at 3am!

My new year's resolution this year is to try and remain calm and not lose my temper. Easier said than done when you are being thumped! But I have noticed that ds is calming down a bit quicker.

That quote is totally right open.

Sympathies liv, it’s miserable being up so early. Did he sleep again or not? I’m sorry you’ve had a tricky few days, hopefully he will settle down into routine now.

And I totally get the staying calm resolution too. Some days I find it really tricky, especially when I am hormonal and ratty (like Sunday). At those times I need to work harder on holding it together.

Ds woke at 4:40 and then seemed to doze on and off for half an hour. So much for the power of fresh air! Still, a usual morning here so I am grateful for that.

dimples for all your ds’ achievements yesterday, so lovely.

Unfortunately not open. Luckily I'm not working today so I'll be able to have a nap a bit later if necessary.
Not sure how ds will fare at school though. He also has a dental appointment this afternoon but I've got DH to agree to take him to that, phew!

Yes not keeping my cool is often hormone related too. Definitely harder to hold it together some days.

Fortunately DS has switched the doorbell to another 'tune'.

Oh Liv what an early start!

Open thanks and I wish it was sheep not dogs!

Hope all these more challenging behaviours diminish a bit as they adjust to being back at school. When I collected DS from my Mum's at 6pm he and is cousins all seemed too tired to speak.

Happy new year to you all.
How is everyone and dc's doing?

Thankfully it was 7.30 this morning dimples phew!

Hi Harley how is ds getting on this term?

We had some exciting news yesterday. The special school we want for ds have a space and want to meet him to see if the school is a good fit. I got the impression that if he is, the move may happen quite quickly. Got the visit the week after next. I'm super nervous!

liv that’s brilliant news!

Aaaahhhh - that's so exciting Liv! Fingers crossed it all works out!! I can't remember, is the special school quite nearby or a bit of a slog? Don't be nervous. If it's meant to be it will be!! Really hope it is a good fit though.

7.30am is good too - hope you get a few more of those!

We had a tricky bedtime last night so I was a bit nervous about first day back to school this morning but actually it went really well! Unpacked her own bag and then bounced out and gave me a hug and then bounced off - no need for special waves or any kind of ritual. I was a bit amazed but it's all good!

DS has his nursery visit tomorrow, so looking forward to doing that (though hoping he can restrain himself from inserting the word "poo" into every sentence, which is his current favourite game ).

@livpotter wow thats brilliant news.

Hmm believe it or not but things have gotten fae worse. I am to stick at it and remember inam doing everything i can and trying to to blame myself for it all.

@lighttripper thats brilliant dd went in so well. I hope dd continues to have brilliant days.
I hope ds and nursey goes well tomorrow.

Light great start for dd! I hope tomorrow goes well, I’m sure he’ll love it. It sounds like he’s ready. How old is he now? Is it dd’s old nursery?

Harley what’s the start of term been like?

Ds had a bit of an episode yesterday morning but apparently was then fine the rest of the day. Hopefully he will settle down soon. He’s been fine at home since Tuesday morning.

This morning he actually DREW A PICTURE of a game to show me something!😍 it was so cute, he used different colours too. I’ll keep it for ever

Yes it's DD's old nursery! He's 3 in March and he's just doing mornings, so I think he's very ready for that to be honest.

Sorry things have got worse Harley ... would it help to vent?

The game sounds lovely open! I have to admit I keep quite a lot. I have a big A3 plastic wallet that precious artworks go in through the year, and then at some point in the spring when I'm a bit less emotional I'll go and edit them a bit (usually there are a few near duplicates or stuff like writing where you don't need huge amounts of it). I'm pretty sure I'm still keeping too much but never mind! I'm sentimental too.

So far I haven't had as much of DS's stuff to keep as he isn't so into art/crafts (or maybe we just haven't had the time to do so much with him?) He loves play doh and sand which isn't so suitable for keeping! But now he's at nursery I guess we will start to get more keepable things!

@openupmyeagereyes awww thats so lovely and a brilliant game glad ds is doing ok at the moment.

@open @lighttipper
School decided afternoons aren't good enough new year new start would ds do mornings. Now ds has lost alot of trust in others due to school so wasn't keen as he said they won't allow me home. I created a visual with a clock with 11am and also a part where you can count down the minutes to try and help him with this. Also a now and next visual for transitioning from school to home and home to school they tell ds to keep them in his reading book bag they won't use them. He managed 40 minutes monday, 60 minutes tuesday nothing yesterday and 60 minutes today. He now runs away from school to home and if anyone comes out of the school gates as we live near school he will run away from home. School still say that he has no issues the only issue is us not accepting hes happy in school. Yet its ds who won't willing go into school not us.
Ds has screamed at me this week that the teacher said he will be in school full time soon when they sort it out. That hes happy in school the teacher says so that i am just an over protective mother who that does to many things like visuals to help him. The school wanted to do a manged move but only for 16 weeks which once they said wasn't due to them admitting they can't meet need it was because of us as parents then it became illigeal to do one. The school have now cut all communication with us.