When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

[Aloha]

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

Lizs, you are LOVELY. And Bink I will contact MI re your email (&promise not to stalk). I think he's so nice. I have no idea what is happening.

Not necessarily a losing battle Aloha, but it is very, very common for mainstream schools to repeatedly call on parents to take their child with SN home. It's generally a sign that they can't cope very well, or that everything is on a knife edge the whole time. You need to make yourself as unavailable as possible because as soon as they realise they can call on you......

Biggest pleasure in ds1 switching schools was knowing that I could wave him off in the morning then forget about him. They ring me if he's ill, otherwise he goes, he comes home, and they cope 100% with whatever he throws at them.

Hi gess, must be better than crying a lot, I suppose! I am feeling shit about it all tonight.

Oh, Aloha, I am sorry that this is happening. Your DS sounds such a lovely, funny, brilliant little chap. School does bad things to some children and your son is clearly extremely bright - the boredom can't help his behaviour. DS2 (a couple of weeks older than your DS but just squeezed into Y1) tells me almost daily he 'hates' school and that he doesn't learn anything interesting.

I have no specific SN experience or advice, but came here from your other thread (learning in Reception, and, no, DS2 didn't either) and wanted to post support and sympathy.

Aloha - first of all, I am so sad that you are going through this. You know your own child, and you know that what they are describing to you, isn;t the DS you know and recognise!

Please don't think for one second that you don't know DS - rather that it is evident that they don't know him or what he is capable of, or how to get the best out of him. All of that is sad; all of it inexusable, ime

I have been to the school that Marina linked to - Browns. I went there when it looked as if my DS would not be able to be educated in mainstream school because of his speech difficulties. However, they have now been largely resolved and DS is doing very well in his mainstream school.

Browns was wonderful - truely wonderful. It is a great reputation in my area of SE london, and many SALTs recommend it. The school that my DS is now at, also recommended it as a school where many children return into mainstream school after a year or two there. When I visited them, they spoke a lot of the plan being to get children into mainstream schools if it was appropriate. I can honestly say, that if DS had ended up at Browns I would have been very happy with that outcome.

I can't believe how quickly this seems to have escalated from 'doing fine' to 'lunch time exclusion'! Your DS is one fortunate boy though - how lucky is he to have such great parents, who come hell or high water, will do everything in their power to get the best for him.

Your belief in your child and your drive to do the best for him, is your child's best asset by a long way to my mind. I have no doubt that you will use every ounce of your conviction, articulateness and intelligence to secure the education for him that he so richly deserves!

Aloha, so sorry to hear about the school being so dreadful, it reminds me of what school was like for me and what probably lies in store for my DS. No wonder your DS is bored at school if he isn't learning anything. He sounds like such a lovely little boy, it is just terrible.

so so so sorry to hear of all this stress aloha, school sound awful and unsympathetic

Hi, really, really appreciate the emails, and big thanks to everyone who contacted me via cat. Took ds out of school altogether on Friday (well...he has a cold...) and spent it doing nice things. We even very fleetingly met Blu at the Croydon Ikea! Hi Blu! which was very nice.
Today we went to the Museum of London, where ds sat through the Fire of London film about six times and the Black Death one three times!
Tomorrow we are going swimming then heading into the country.
Last night we read French nursery rhymes together in bed. This boy is NOT unteachable. Infuriating and stubborn, yes, but intolerable? No.
Have written to the head setting out what has happened, have kept notes, have applied for a statement, called local autism support, am looking for a good Ed Psych. We've also booked a fab holiday in Mallorca with ds, dd, my stepdaughter and her best friend and it is in - gasp! - the last week of term!!
You know, tbh, I do think he's bored witless. this boy could read at three and he's still doing Jolly phonics letter sounds at school at five and half.
Anyway, rest of family is watching Dr Who, am going to get glass of wine and join them.

Aloha - ed psychs - one of our school meetings re ds included Linda Miller from this outfit (it's connected with ds's school) and we were so impressed by her. We haven't seen her again since (things are going fairly OK at the moment, so the idea is we don't need to), and I suspect she's very busy, but of all the ed psychs I've come across she's the one I'd want to talk things over with.

Bink, thank you very much. I have just contacted the organisation by email - I'll let you know what happens.

Hi
Haven't read all the thread - so hope I'm in context here!! I used to call the walk to collect ds from school as "the green mile". Teacher doesn't believe he has asd (thinks his prob is behavioural! and definately doesn't believe me when I say he doesn't act up at home. In fact at home he is the easiest child in the world to look after. She speaks to me like I'm 5 too, and has made no attempt to implement any of the teaching techniques suggested to her by OT or SLT. She is the MOST infuriating woman!!! Luckily in Sept ds is moving to an outreach class. We live in Ireland so system is different to UK, but basically he'll be in a small autism class attached to a mainstream school, and will be integrated gradually. Can't wait for him to start, just to be somewhere where he's understood and appreciated for the cool kid he is.

We get called every week .. and teachers hands us over some 10 pages complaint document.. and fyi my daughter is 3 years one month old .. the complaints they do are rthat she didn't sit in assembly for 30 mins and eats breadstick in classroom.. and took toy from a kid .. sometimes as parent I feel like crying .. every baby is different and it takes time for them to realise that they are in different environment and have to behave .. I was hopeless and only decided to leave school and put her in nursery for few more months

Saikira this thread is 16 years old.

Yes you are. You need to know how he is coping in school. No it isn't nice to think he is struggling. However closing your eyes and ears to it won't help.