When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

[Aloha]

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

i just wish (for ASD) there was such a thing as a statement for SOCIAL/behaviour NEEDS...in that many are considered achademically within or exceeding the norm...but socialy (which incedently we all know affects their potential in achademic stuff too)...my 3 are way behind...and to be told continually that yoiur child is so bright is NO comfort when they are so unhappy cos they are 'drowning' in school.

A statement means the local education authority has to spend money on your child, Bundle, so they are making it v hard to get one.

Just called the NAS education line and was told nobody was there, to leave a message, whcih might not be listened to for ten days. That really was demoralising. Didn't leave a message.

You're allowed to feel downa nd teary. But after you're done with that put the gloves on babes. Fighting for what's needed is a big part of having a child with SN's of any kind and we're all here to supporet you through it. Gettign the staement will be painful, I warn you now, it's hard wotk and you'll probably get an initial knock back but that's fuine cos you'll get there int he end. It'll be worth it int eh end. I was told I didn't need a statement at first! PMSl, they absolutley can't cope with her without one. We're here for you, xxx

leave a message leave a message

i understand that aloha but the school gets money for bums on seats and then part of the LEA dosh for a statemented child. is it just because it's "hassle" ?

i get to the point where i am ashamed to admit i don't give a sh*t that my ds2 is years ahead in maths...when he at 10 still rolls around on the floor having 'tantrums' when they muck up his routine.
i'd rather the school deal with that stuff,

Don't understand why the school would stand in the way of you getting a statement at all tbh. The LEA yes, it's their money. The school - no, It's another pair of hands, all paid for.

Leave a message with IPSEA and the NAS helpline. They are both run by volunteers and are always swamped and either will take a number of days to get back to you. Stress in the message that it is urgent. Once you get through you are assigned someone so you can call more easily, but the first call always takes dyas.

exactly TC, that's what I thought. unless they have an unusually high number of SN children which they have to cater for already.

I don't understand it either Bundle.
Blu, thanks for the virtual cake run. Promised ds I'd make him a chocolate cake today, he saw one in a book he fancied.

Agree with gess re ipsea and messages. Once you get through they are incredibly helpful but like gess says these are women who volunteer their help and are calling you back from home. They know their stuff, been there seen it 100 times and know how to help. I was in the wilderness before I spoke to themna nd then it all got going and I was off.

IN the meantime just download the IPSEA template and write to the LEA requesting an assesment for a statutory assessment (first you have to be assessed to see if they will assess). Do that before the school decide its a good idea. Then just tell the school that as they're obvbiously not coping you have set the ball rolling to get ds statemented.

I say 'do that before the school decide its a good idea" as you absolutely do not want the school applying for the statement it will f* everything up big time if they do it rather than you.

oh this is me too...and my son (age 10 currently being assessed for aspergers)
Thoroughly depressing Aloha...it leaves me feeling lethargic and resentful.
I always get the feeling that they want me to flick a magic switch on him and make the AS just go away...they stand there with a look of expectancy on their faces.
And yes we've had the sitting in the heads office too for not completing work and not listening (in year 1 aged 5) with him sobbing his heart out ...simply because he couldn't understand why he was there and being punished.

No YANBU....

Ok have downloaded and left message.

I'm so sorry Troutpout.

troutpout...my ds3 often comes home saying he has a detention...age 8...when i ask why...he does not know...time and time i've asked that they explain specifically why he is being punished.

gess, I hope you don't mind but I have emailed you a copy of my draft for a letter asking for assessment. I really don't know what to write.

Sorry to hear this aloha. It turns out that he hasn't learnt anything this year. The things that we said he should be learning he hasn't, as you pointed out in a previous post. I would be very that they are opting out of the tricky bits. As well as upset that they are failing him. And it would be impossible for DS to go home at lunch time when I am sat in an office 23 miles away.

Aloha, can I give you one bit of practical/strategic advice - and I'm sorry but it is all I can do - but set up a word document or excel spreadsheet and log/detail every bit of contact you have with anyone.

Its human nature to feel teary, and to get through things that are going to be difficult you are going to need to have all of the facts at your fingertips. You need to be able to day "Well, I phoned you on X date at X time and left a message", not "I phoned you some time last week". Get the name and direct number of every single person you speak to and log it. You need to be able to pull together and synthesise all the areas you are asking for assistance so that you can properly integrate them and get a very thorough set of strategies.

IMHO sending your child home at lunchtime is a pants response - unless whatever is happening is upsetting him badly as well.

FWIW it sounds as though your son can do a lot of things that my DS - the same age - can nowhere near do.

oh Bozza, it is so frustrating. I feel children are going to waste in the system atm.

Aloha,

I would fully concur with the other posts made to apply for a statement yourself. Get the ball rollin gin this regard TODAY!!. Do not let the school do it under any circumstances - it sounds anyway like they are not being fully supportive. It may come to actually pass that you will need to find your DS another infants school to attend if they continue to be this unhelpful.

I would just tell the infants that you have applied to have DS statemented when you have written the initial letter.

As I previously mentioned SA plus is not frankly worth the paper its written on - your son is being failed here by the school who plainly cannot deal with having an AS child in their midst.

I would look at IPSEA's website to day and write that letter to the Chief Education Officer at your LEA (you need to address the letter to this person and you'll need their name). Doubtless they will say no to assessment but you must appeal their crass decision if they do this. Tow refusals later and five days before it was due to go to tribunal the LEA backed down. I live in one county who is well known to IPSEA for being one of the worst when it comes to this whole process.

Never give up - you are your child's best and only advocate. No-one else is in a better position than you to fight for him.

I was in the same position as you re lunchtimes - I took DS home daily for three weeks (because he got upset by the noise of the dinner hall) then reintroduced him back on a gradual basis into lunchtimes at school. Your case though is entirely different; why should you have to take him home at lunchtime?

Aloha - I've just caught up with this thread. How on earth can they go from saying everything's fine and then wanting to effectively exclude ds at lunchtimes in such a short space of time??

I haven't been through statementing myself yet but will stand on the sidelines cheering you and ds on. Good luck. xx

So, I take it dh told them DS would be staying at school for lunch?

This is IPSEA's website:-

www.ipsea.org.uk

Ok got the name of the Strategic Director For Children's Services who I am supposed to write to, I'm told.
Have written a draft letter asking for assessment and will send it if Gess approves it (I'm really sorry Gess).
I don't feel I have a choice really. They are literally telling me they can't cope.
I just don't see him as a difficult child. I am really bewildered. The lunchtime status quo is staying as far as I'm concerned. I'm only taking him out if HE is miserable.