When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

[Aloha]

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

Morning Aloha

So, can he be statemented? Have you been there done that already? Is it something that you can revisit if so? Sounds like he might really benefit from it for a bit and it would be good for the school too.

Keep on at them till you get a meeting and explain that without a statement you don't want him getting lost amongst all his peers, you need support so you can support them / him. You need daily reports. Think the ABC sounds fab (think I might ask for this myself, although I get a full report broken down into sections every day on Lottie, plus the teacher comes out and speaks to me after schoola nd before school and we have a verbal catch up as well).

Fwiw Lottie has never hit at home (although actually I am starting to see a bit of it now), but she was hitting and pushing friends at school. It's frustration / typical of someone with behavior problems. They give her 'Time Out' for bad behaviour and have visual rewards charts. She comes in in the morning and has a full 5 rewards already and then bad behaviour has 3 warnings and then one of the good rewards is removed. I like this way of doing it. It shows that we expect her to have the full 5 rewards at the beginning of the day but bad behaviour is dealt with rather than reward good behaviour which should just be there anyway iykwim?

Lottie can be a devil at school, uncooperative, shouting, flicking out, running off, refusing to conform in any way, she comes home and is an angel but that's because I'm not making her sit quietly and read before she plays, or getting her to use the computer for 5 minutes before she has a snack. She also doesn't have the distraction of 19 other children to irritate and frustrate her at home.

Hi thomcat! Yes, it is obviously harder for everyone if they are trying to get tricky kids to conform quickly with 20-30 other ones! I can totally see that, and I know ds must get really frustrated that he can't do what he wants, when he wants and that this is not OK in the classroom. I suppose the lack of detailed feedback is frustrating me and that's what I need to address (thanks all for helping me realise this btw) maybe with the ABC book and talk to autism support and Senco about really making it work and what can help (eg social stories) My worry is if they just see it as random violence, not a symptom of confusion and frustration because of his Aspergers.
I will talk to the Austism support woman about statementing. She's not connected with the school so might be helpful.

You do have to censor them a bit I find. THere's a lot of rape in them for example!

Have you asked them what they think you should do about it? You know, just for A Laugh?

Sorry Aloha, it must be hugely frustrating for you. I have no advice whatsoever but wanted to stick me arm around you and say "ah, fuck em, fuck em all"

God sorry - that post was referring to rape in stories of Greek Myths and was supposed to be on the other thread !

Ta vvq! I am feeling a bit less 'oh fuck 'em' today, but yesterday it just about summed me up!!

How is lottie btw? And you? Are you big yet? I got so big with no2, I think I'd have needed a crane to get me out of the house if I'd gone for a third!

So pleased you explained the rape thing!!!!!! I was most distressed and confused for a moment there! xx

I was so [shocked] myself to see it out of context!! Feel a right nana, I can tell you.
I am on too many threads and have loads of work to do, just don't want to do it!

I mean obviously. Duh!

Lottie - how is she?...... Ummm yeah, having a good week I think. She kept ruinning off at school yesterday, everytime a door opend she was out of it and gave her head teacher 3 heart attacks! But she has been delightful in general this week. Walking comin on ok. Still very stiff legged, still can't handle a tiny step / lip of any description but gettign bloody fast!

And me, LOL, I'm HUUUUGE! And today I'm so tired I can barely left my arms to type and my eyes sting. Serves me right for discussiung sex over a pizza with 2 girlfriends till1 am this morning and having a 17 month old who woke crying at 6.15am adn only wanted me and cuddles!

VVVQV- like that idea...VERY MUCH!!! !!!me asking THEM what to do! wonder what they'd suggest?!!! Perhaps i could prepare a 'tick sheet' in advance that they can 'check' to prove to them that i really have
'been there,done that and got the t-shirt'...and just maybe NOW is the time we request a Assessment for SN...

that does actually sum up how i feel when they confront me...i think 'just tell me what to do'...

i also wish the teachers etc could spend the day at home with us...then they'd see just how qualified us parents are to deal with our kids....they are forever telling us how they have to deal with 30 kids etc...and i only have 3...just no idea ...

Ok, new development. Just got a call from the head who says that they can't cope with him at school and they want to exclude him at lunchtimes. Of course she didn't use the exclude words, she just wonders if he might be able to come home for lunch because they don't have the resources to look after him.
I am just sitting here crying. I am so upset and so angry and so pissed off. Every day 'how has he been' 'ok/not great/ok'
Then suddenly they can't cope, he's this, he's that.
FFS.
The head says 'well he doesn't have a statement...' BECAUSE THE SCHOOL TOLD ME HE'D NEVER GET ONE AND THEY WOULDN'T SUPPORT OUR GOING FOR ONE!
My son can read and write, understands metaphor and simile, he can add in the hundreds, he is learning French and loves history. Yet he's learning nothing at school and now they can't even cope with him.

I honestly don't know what to do. Ds is on the phone to the school now to arrange a meeting. I have asked for the SENCO (to whom I wrote a long letter MONTHS ago asking for more communication with parents of SN children) & local Autism Support to attend.

Oh fuck.

bloody hell aloha

good that dh is getting things moving.

but still BLOODY HELL

oh aloha

why do they think he won't get a statement? is it his age? (I know friend could only get one when her ds was 7, in yr2)

can you afford a private school for him aloha?

sorry to hear this development, glad your dh is on the cse to support you both x Enid

I think either they can cope, in which case he shouldn't be excluded, or they can't in which case he should have a statement.
He is the gentlest boy in the world at home. He kisses random babies. He never retaliates when his two year old sister bashes him.
I am just sitting here crying with frustration and anger.

what does he do at lunchtime ?

dd1s classmate Oliver stuck his finger up his bum and then stuck it in Max's sandwich and he's still there! ()

When the head called I said I was worried that i didn't hear anything last night and I'd been talking about it with 'friends' all day. I didn't tell her it was a random bunch of women and hairy handed truckers on the internet [weak grin emoticon]
I don't know what I'd do without you.

any time aloha,

hairy-handed-trucker xxx

"I was worried that I didn't hear anything until last night"

He's been sweeping tablefuls of work to the floor apparently. First I've heard of it.
And pushing and pinching. Which I only heard for the first time last night.
They just don't talk to me

they cant cope with that? oh fgs.

piss-poor that they hadn't informed you of escalating situation. much more of a shock then, no hints that they have tried to intervene & help him

Has the SENCO arranged any support for him?

I really am sorry to hear this aloha

Oh, bloody hell, Aloha, that's awful. Sorry - i missed this thread yesterday.

You poor thing. How bloody outrageous.

If they can't 'cope' with him at lunchtime, then surely they will HAVE to agree, now, to supporting him to get a statement? Can you get advice from ipsea?

I was going to say that your post "Try to get him to work on a social story, role play, lots of stuff. Don't tell me that it has been going on for ages and DON'T tell me that he is 'hurting other children on purpose' and 'being violent' which totally misses the point of his frustration and inability to fully understand social behaviour. " seems to contain many of the answers, not just to helping your Ds in school, but in enabling the school to communicate with you in a useful way.

You need help, don't you? Try ipsea, the autism woman - and also, perhaps, Parents for Inclusion - who are very good at advising on how to approach / demand things form the education system. They helped us with stuff around a flat access / sympathetic school.

I'm not sure that they have the right to tell you to collect him for lunch...I'm sure you can't wait to fetch him and cuddle him in your arms, but it is outrageous that they have approached it like this. Surely they will have to agree to supporting statementing...they've hoisted themselves on their own petard by doing this!!

Grrrrrrrrrrr on your behalf.

And big hugs and smiles to your gorgeous sweet funny and v clever DS.