When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

[Aloha]

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

They don't have the 'resources' apparently. Dh on phone to head now. I am very shaky. We moved HOUSE to be near this school ffs.

Oh well, yesterday ds asked if we could move to the country 'for my birthday treat'. I can see how people end up selling up and home educating, I really can.

Thanks Blu. Just can't stop crying.
I don't want to bring him home at lunchtime. Where would it end? It isn't the answer, surely.

i am sat here feeling so upset for you.
i know exactly what you mean- they say all's fine- then the next minute apparently they can't cope.

i'm with you on the "either they cope or he needs a statement"

thankgod you started this thread.....keep us updated
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

blu- what is the autism woman?

And everyone keeps saying 'oh reception isn't about any academic learning, it's about learning social rules' so bringing him home for lunch every day would achieve what for ds? What would be the frigging point of his going to school AT ALL.
Feel so humiliated too. And picked on. And let down.

Why the fuck won't they support you in getting him statemented. They can't cope, which is pathetic, yet they don't think it's worth getting him a statmented!

Right, well re lunch time, while he remains at the school and you rething things etc, he should be assigned a class buddy.

DD1's school all the reception kids get a buddy from year 6 at lunchtimes, breaks etc. We don't have 1-2-1 support durign lunch and this is vital for Lottie to have some guidance. The kids all love being her buddy and it worls well. Suggest this. In fact suggest they visit St John Fisher in Pinner in general and pick up some much needed tips. Loads of school in our area visit SJF to see how they do things, so they won't be the first.

He HAS to have support, of course he's clearing stuff of desks, he's screaming at them to do soemnthing, he's frustrated.

They need to sit downa nd get an IEP sorte4d for him and think through strategies etc.

Aloha, I was Keeping Off MN today but have come back for this (and for GGG's thread). I am so sorry you are going through this. And no, you CANNOT accept the 'take him home at lunchtime' suggestion, it's completely absurd.

it does seem that IEPs are more "straightforward" (in the minds of schools) for children who have problems with the academic side of stuff

You are being very strong and clear-headed - no, it probably wouldn't be the right thing to bring him home for lunch.

And sort of, well let them stew in their own juice - what's the Caribbbean saying 'Can't hear, must feel!'. If they haven't got the resources, then let them damn well get them - via a statement!

I am furious on your behalf, Aloha, and feel like leaping into my Fiat Punto and speeding to the school and yelling through the windows - and then rushing straight round to yours with a fresh-baked cake.

Bloody hell.

I am sure your DH is handling it v well on the phone.

its so awful - we pay nurseries and childminders to care for our kids pre-school- and if they are crap we go to another provider-then they start school and the system dictates where they go.

there are days when i feel I am ABUSING my sons by FORCING them to go to school where they are not supported.

I'm so sorry. FWIW, it does sound like the school are letting you and him down.

No fucking way should he come home for lunch that's an outrageos, cowardly, head in the sand, pathetic, weak, stupid, unhelpful suggestion. No, it's not even the beginning to an answer. The question is how are they going to deal with this situation? What can they do to make things easier for him? And that doesn't inclue sending him home. [anger]

lol @ blu screaming in fiat with cake

Thanks Thomcat. I will sit and draw things together from different posts and come up with ideas for the....AGAIN. It's not like I don't communicate with the school. I am there every single day. I ask every day if things are OK. I write letters making suggestions. But I get NOTHING back, except suddenly a call from the head asking me to take him out of school.

come and live in Dorset and meet my lovely HE friend

Came to this from your other thread (about learning in reception) - just wanted to give you a virtual and say how crap the school sounds. They really don't sound like they have a clue. Please don't cry - the problem does not lie with your ds (who sounds delightful) but with the school, who don't seem to have any kind of strategies in place to deal with anything other than square pegs in square holes. Which is something, sadly, I've seen too much of in the school my two go to. I don't have any advice (I'll leave that to the MNers with experience) - just had to post.

Aloa-

i'd advise from now on to get things in writing- start with a letter to the head recalling her conversation with you today- state what she said- ask her to confirm etc.

maybe- that helps with statementing ammo- ie- she staes on paper they cannot cope.

also get dates of when they will (if they do) implement strategies etc...again...then when they don't implement it- you can drag out the letter with it all in black and white.

my ds2 saw an ed psych a few months back- she then agreed some strategies etc with his teacher...i have a copy of the action plan....we had a review last month- turned out ony 3 of the 8 strategies had been implemented...so now have another review in july...and i am ready to ask WHY if still not implemented

so while you are angry- write this letter to the head.
i struggle to assert myself- but if upset/angry i find putting my point easier.

Well look, if I an helpo with list of suggestions for school call me or email, whatever.

I don't want to be all 'my DD';s school is great' but they are the leader for a mainstream school with SN's inclusion and other schools often visit them to see how they do things. I also happen to have a NEB who doubles up as an angel so if you want to talkk things through before your suggestion list happens then just let me know.

One good thing about all this is they might actually sit upa nd do something now rather than keeping you int hedark and pretending everything is ok and they can cope, ther's no problem.

Massive hugs to you >>>

Aloha- sorry am horribly busy so can't give detailed reply- you need to talk to either IPSEA or (probably better and easier to get through to and they're trained by IPSEA) the NAS education helpline. Talk to them urgently. They will give you the best advice and be able to advise you on what schools can and can't do.

Thanks everyone. Clutterjunkie, the idea of getting it all written down is such a good one. I will write now. Then get dh to tone it down
Have just emailed local autism support woman. Mind you, she's from the local Education authority, so don't suppose she'll be 'hog-whimperingly wild' (TM MI) about getting ds a statement.

When I said how let down I felt, the head started going on about wanting to 'meet ds's needs' - by sending him home?

one word of advice DO NOT LET THE SCHOOL APPLY FOR A STATEMENT seriously DO NOT. YOU must apply for a statement NOT the school. If you do it legal time limits kick into place, if the school do it they can take however long they like (the LEA that is). Have a look at the IPSEA website for template of letter to send to the LEA. I may have linked to that one from my website, not sure.

Thanks gess. I will call NAS and look at the IPSEA website. And yes, we will go for a statement. I feel really depressed tbh. I don't know what to do for the best.

I just thought we'd never, ever get a statement if the school was stating it would not support us, and that's what I was hearing.

sorry for my ignorance, but i thought a statement was what you got when a child had special needs. if they say they can't handle ds's behaviour within the normal, everyday school environment, therefore surely he needs IEP/statement?