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Original poster

When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

190 replies

Aloha · 13/06/2007 16:38

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

OP posts:
ThomCat · 14/06/2007 13:44

Aloha - my DD isn't hugely difficult to handle, she's a bit of a handful but nothing out of the ordinary at all really.

However mher school, who are experienced in having childern with SN's, couln't cope with her if she wasn't statemented. They said 'it weould be impossible for her to attend the school if she wasn't statemented'. Sher doesn't have cover during lunch, (despite us trying) and we all rely of the lunch buddy's appointed from year 6 to help in break times.

The home environment doesn't compare to being at school. How he is a t home will be very differetn to how he is in class. Same with the vast majority of children.

LIZS · 14/06/2007 13:45

Aloha I'm seething on your and ds' behalf. What a cop out , so much for inclusion

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 13:47

Hi Aloha,

You need to write to the Chief Education Officer of the Local Education Authority - the council will be able to tell you who he/she is.

Be prepared though for your initial request for assessment to be turned down. You must appeal their crass decision and be also prepared to meet with these people (I found that course of action helpful).

IPSEA (www.ipsea.org.uk) have draft letters you can use for the initial request; have a look at those and model your letter on these templates.

I sincerely hope your request for a statement is successful. A well written statement is worth volumes and it will follow him (although it will be rewritten when he tranfers to Junior School).

Your son sounds delightful - I feel very strongly about your case as I know of someone whose child is older than yours and has AS. He is not statemented and his junior school life is awful. The effect on family life is incalulable.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 13:48

The person at the LEA who you'll need to write to is also known as the Director of Education.

Original poster
Aloha · 14/06/2007 13:54

Hi, thanks, was initially misinformed by the council. Have now tracked down right person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloha · 14/06/2007 13:56

I am calmer now, but feel so let down. I honestly thought ds was doing ok. He says he likes school most of the time. I dont' understand how it has come to this.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 13:56

Bloody useless council misinforming you!!. Am pleased though that you have now obtained the name of the correct bod.

You should also be aware that the LEA must reply within six weeks. Make a note of this date on your calendar.

ThomCat · 14/06/2007 13:57

Babes, he probably is doing Ok in general. Maybe it's been a bad couple of weeks. Endoftermitus and settling back in after half term never help. This is just a blip. Problems have started to bubble up to the suface and action is being tasken.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 13:58

I felt like a mushroom during that reception year and told them as much - kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.

No more!!.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 13:59

I would think that the other children fully accept him for who he is. Its the adults I've had the most problem with.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2007 13:59

Tw*ts

Not helpful, I know but Grrrr!

ClutterJunkie · 14/06/2007 14:00

do the LEA 'work' during school holidays????

reason i as...is i'm thinking of requesting a Staement assment for ds1- but am in the middle of renewing both mine and ds2's DLA....and set myself a deadline of NOW (which i have missed!) to get the DLA forms off- to then start the statementing requet- thinking i had to get it in before end of term...but just thinking that if they operate normally when school are shut...could start anywhen soon.

Original poster
Aloha · 14/06/2007 14:01

He's been invited to play with a child in his class tomorrow and I just want to cancel it, I really do. I feel like I have no idea what goes on at school any more. I don't know this child they are talking about.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 14:01

Mine worked during the school summer holiday but I know that SENDIST (the tribunal people) do not work during August.

ClutterJunkie · 14/06/2007 14:05

thanks attilla...ds1 starts yr 9 in sept- and last week i went to school after him refusing to go back after lunch (my ds keps sneaking home for lunch as he cannot cope...so this thread really has hit me)...so as soon as school refusal pops its ugly head they agreed a meeting-
long story short- agreed to move him to another class- as head agreed he was 'not in a very sensitive class'...

so feel that we have relieved his anxiety for now...but am thinking longterm about yr9+ when he has to start thinking about gcse's.

Twiglett · 14/06/2007 14:07

Aloha I'm so sorry .. I've just seen this

anything I can do to help .. well patently there's nothing I can do to help the situation but if you'd like to get out for a coffee or shriek at someone in person I'm here now .. feel free to call / email / come over

ClutterJunkie · 14/06/2007 14:08

so like aloha feeling school have admitted they cannot cope giving her strength to fight for statementing- i feel that now his school have moved him to different class- they are admitting he was not being supportrted

however...am well aware that if the school want to they can say that by doing this they have met his needs....etc...but my arguement is...they cannot keep moving HIM ... once i will accept- he is now in a class with 2 other 'spectrum' lads...and has had one home 3 times since friday...

BUT....in aloahs case...why do WE have to do the 'compromising'. Her son has the right to a FULL day at school

Original poster
Aloha · 14/06/2007 14:10

Hi Twiglett, what a lovely offer...you know, I'm supposed to be working. Yeah right!

And tomorrow dd has her two year check at 2pm..which is not at all worrying of course, but just annoying. I had better book her in for her single jabs as they will nag me about that. Dh is pretty anti MMR btw so not just down to me. I don't think I'd mind the MMR for her now, but dh wants to do singles.

OP posts:
ThomCat · 14/06/2007 14:12

Where you having singles done? I know a great place in Hemel.

And re his playdate tomorrow, fucj=k it, don't go, in fact tomorrow is Friday, take him off out for the day, bollocks to it, have a fun fday out and come back Monday and start kicking arse! xxx

LIZS · 14/06/2007 14:19

Sorry if this sounds ignorant . Do you firmly believe that he would personally benefit from being statemented (ie. have one to one attention and be more stretched academically) or would it be more for the sake of making the school's life easier and let them have an extra pair of hands ? Just thinking that if you are going to a have to fight a battle to get it, you need to be clear as to motivation and desirable outcomes. I don't understand why the school have been so casual until now and then hit you with this. Would another school be able to engage him better without the need for a statement at this stage, I wonder. It just sounds like your hand is being forced yet they are abandoning you and ds to it. Good luck.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2007 14:26

I would have a statement purely because of it being legally binding. Also to my mind no statement = no support. The LEA and the school cannot and should not be able to dodge their statutory responsibilities.

edam · 14/06/2007 14:36

Oh Aloha, sorry, only just seen this. Bloody school.

FWIW can also recommend Hemel place.

dinosaur · 14/06/2007 14:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ThomCat · 14/06/2007 15:04

For single jabs

colditz · 14/06/2007 15:12

yes, I do too.

And ds1 is only at preschool.

I get pulled up for

"Ds1 has been a little confused about cubes and cuboids today" - Yes. He is four.

"Ds1 has been very angry and didn't want to talk to me about it" - Look lady, the kid has speech problems, you know this, read his EP report, woman!

"Ds1 got cross today when another child knocked his tower over" - yes. He's four.

"Ds1 didn't want to sit and eat his lunch today" Well, probably because he had 2 boiled eggs and soldiers for his breakfast...

I mean for crying out loud, what is the big deal!? he's a child! Sometimes kids behave in a naughty way. Sometimes they are tired.