When you get pulled aside by a teacher to complain about your child, do you ever feel like saying 'whateeever^ and going away and not coming back?

[Aloha]

Because I do! Apparently ds (five, Aspergers, in mainstream reception) has been 'very difficult' and 'uncooperative' and 'destructive' this week (says one of the TAs, though I always ask his teacher at pickup time and she's said nothing and he's been just the best little boy in the boy in the world at home) - I go to pick him up after being out for work reasons and dh is already there (we both work at home btw) and being 'taken aside', so she gives me the talk too, and I just think 'what on earth am I supposed to do about it?'
I am sure he can be difficult at school, but I can't actually do anything about that. And he isn't being remotely difficult at home.
What do they expect of me?
Personally, I suspect he's bored.
Btw they told me he'd spent part of today and yesterday with the deputy head (in hushed tones) - and I think why? It won't scare/bother him. He has no idea really who she is or about her status. And when they told me he wasn't joining in with PE I just felt like saying, 'so what?'
I just don't feel anything - not cross, not disappointed, just irritated and pissed off.
Am I Being Unreasonable?

Aloha, keep the playdate...don't let the school take that away from your ds. Also, are there any parents who volunteer in the school that you can mine for information about how things are really going and how much of the issues are just the one particular teacher? I have found that making friends with a few mothers who help in the classroom has really been useful since ds tells me nothing.
Also, please take a big big breath and go get them. More than anyone I know, you are so totally capable of getting what you need for your ds. Just make a plan and do it. As they say, don't get angry, get even (or at least what you need). Use the head's issues to get your statement. Just make sure that you do in a way that lets her save face so that she will be supportive in getting it and in helping your ds once you get it.
And if all else fails, please move here to Los Angeles. Our ds' will get along really well and the weather's really good. ;)

Hi Aloha,

So sorry to hear you are having these problems. It was suggested to me that my son may not be able to stay at lunchtimes (even though he had hours in his statement for lunch support!) I suggested back that he was being discriminated on the grounds of his disabilty - the suggestion hadn't been made to any other parent! School didn't make the suggestion again!

I am going to write to the head (nicely!) and recap our phone conversation and ask her to reply in writing, and I hope that will support getting a statement. Tbh part of me feels completely sick at getting a statement. When I had my little boy at home he drove me crackers sometimes, but I managed to teach him to read, to add up, subtract & multiply, to speak & read some French, to have some knowledge of history and geography and the solar system etc etc etc. he is like a SPONGE for knowledge. I send him to school and suddenly he's a monster and doesn't learn anything.
OK, I KNOW I'm emotional and am probably exaggerating slightly, but really. I give them a bright little five year old, yes, eccentric and stubborn, but clever and keen to learn, and they tell me they've got some kind of antisocial horror with whom they cannot cope.

I have asked to spend time in the classroom myself Sofia! I do know through the grapevine that the new head is very into discipline and pro-exclusion - but surely not for a little boy of five with Aspergers? I tell you, I keep thinking of moving - but where???!
Does anyone know a small, kind school with expert provision for dyspraxia/aspergers and high academic standards, state or private?

You might be right Dino! As I said the new head is said to be putting more exclusions in place. Which is great, I'm sure, until it is your child.

Just been on the phone to the local authority autism support who kept hinting that she couldn't say what she thought because she was employed by teh borough, but did support the idea of statementing, said she was very 'surprised' that she hadn't been involved before this idea was put to me, and that exclusion was inappropriate.

Don't get me onto that Dino! And I do suspect ds is bored. You've met him - he's not a monster is he?

Would you consider home edding him for a year or so?

Oh I can't Enid, I just can't. I have to work, and I have dd at home most of the time. And he needs to have social interaction and he does have friends. He's not difficult to teach though, he really isn't. I never sat down with him and taught him anything, except reading at his request.

I am sure he does stuff like that Dino. Not taht I know, of course, because nobody bloody tells me!

aloha, dino

I'd be very happy to have children like your lovely boys in my dd's school, appropriately supported by the LEA, developing along with all the other children and contributing to school life in many different ways.

There is a little boy in DS's Y1 class, Aloha, who sounds like your DS in many ways. He is quite clever (in most of the top groups according to DS) but has aspergers and struggles with the social side of school even though he is great at home. But he does have a statement and a TA for the mornings. And I think he is lucky because I think she is a fairly dedicated TA and if, for example, Y1 are taking the assembly on a Friday afternoon, she will come in, to be there with him and help him through the performance. I suspect she does this voluntarily.

Also agree with whoever said that you will find out a lot more if you have a friend who is in the school. I was out for a curry last night with my friend who had just come from a governor's meeting, she also helps out in Y1, so get lots of info from her.

you only have to do 1.5 hours 'work' a day aloha

I sometimes think I barely do 1.5hours a day anyway, what with MN and all

Ds was reading MN as fast as I can over my shoulder last night - was looking at one of hte religious threads and ds read The Book of Mormon as 'The book of Norman' which made me roffle quite considerably.