I want my husband to leave

[mummy2aaron]

For those of you who haven't met me yet, I have 3 children ds1 age 8, ds2 age 4 next month whao is autistic and dd who is 19 months and showing delays. DH and I do not have a good relationship, he is ashamed of ds2 and thinks he is still single, his wages are his and he uses them for himself apart from food and bills - I see nothing for the children and he gets a fantastic wage - I buy and sell on ebay to make some money. I recently found out he had taken out a £10000 loan and have no idea where the money has gone, apparently it's none of my business. He is also very controlling I am not allowed any friends and he check's my mobile phone and emails regularly. I have been unhappy for ages but he thinks it's my problem, not ours. It's his birthday on Sunday and he has gone on a family trip with his Mum and Brother to Dublin, he couldn't afford for us to go. The cards and presents the children have spent time making have been ignored. I am absolutely livid, my 8 year old wanted to go too but he wouldn't take him, last night he changed his mind and said he would stay at home but this morning he has left for his flight and not even said goodbye. The pull of the guinness to strong I think. Ds2 and DD are very problem sleepers, he knows that I will be lucky to have 3 hours sleep per night while he is gone, the sleep is the only reason I am still with him as I couldnt cope on my own. I am shattered and drained all the time, at least he gets up at 6am so I can go back to bed for an hour. Although I am too tense to sleep. I know when he gets back he will act as if nothing is wrong he will even be pleasant for a day or so rather than calling me a 'tw*t' under his breath as I leave the room. I need the strength to sort this out I have mentioned counselling but he won't go as it is 'my problem'. I just feel so unhappy.

Sorry rant over. No need to reply. I am probably just a silly cow.

Sorry I put this in SN but I felt safer doing so.

I am fine thanks Coppertop. After trying to be nice when he first got back he is back to being a tit lol. I feel better knowing it's not going to be for muchlonger.

mummy2aaron you sound like a fantastic mum and you are so strong, I really admire how you are dealing with this awful situation.

Once you're away from this controlling man (and gettng the financial help from him that you should be getting) you will be so much more relaxed and happy and this will in turn make your children feel the same.

Then as DH's time with the children will be greatly reduced and far more precious, he may eventually realise that love and attention is all they need to be happy - and he may even give them some! Hopefully he can one day try to work on being the fantastic father he pretends to be

I don't have any more advice to add as the posters on here have been great - just wanted to give you some {{{{{hugs}}}}}} and say that I'm sure one day you will be with a DP who really deserves someone as wonderful as you

It might feel scarey, but you can do it, I know because I left my bullying husband! It takes a bit of planning, but I applied to a local housing association that deals with people who have disabilities, because I was honest about my domestic situation and my disabled daughter, we got lots of points and was offered a fab flat, I was only on the list for a few weeks....
I applied to the family fund, they were great for white goods.
With family tax credit and other benefits I have more disposable income now than I did when I was married, although my husband earned about 40k a year.
I had a stronger case for help from social services and we now have homecare hours too.
I know how you feel, Ive been there, but if you dont think its going to get better, get out! My husband banked on my not being able to leave because of my daughter - he was wrong.......