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Original poster

'D' H has been having an affair.

102 replies

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 18:44

I've got a (long) thread in relationships if anyone has an hour to spare! Link here But in short, H has been having an affair for the past 6 months. I finally found out this morning after 3 weeks of him denying it, and I've asked him to leave. Sad Sad Just need some hugs from my SN friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 19:46

I do have a few good friends, but not as many close ones as I'd like. So grateful for MN. I would never have believed he was having an affair if MN ladies hadn't helped me, and you lot feel like good friends. Blush

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Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 19:48

Good idea, thanks. I will ask some of his old SS teachers, I think they'd be supportive.

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auntevil · 07/09/2011 19:49

Don't be frightened to ask friends for support. Some of these friends might be new close friends just waiting in the wings. If I knew that one of the people that i knew was in that situation, i would gladly help.

Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 19:52

Yes, I just want to hide away at the moment, but I will take up the offers of tea and sympathy.

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Tota1Xaos · 07/09/2011 19:52

very sorry EJ. please see a solicitor asap as others have advised, if no personal recommendations then www.legal500.com for family solicitors in your area is a good starting point.

Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 19:54

Thanks, total, I will be doing that sooner rather than later.

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silverfrog · 07/09/2011 20:00

I am so sorry to hear this, Ellen. How awful.

do take some advise re: the split arrangements. agree you need to nail down finances well - I don't know if you work (sorry), but as you are well aware, the opportunities for work once there are SN in the equation are not so easy to come by.

I would say (and of course, I know absolutely nothing about the relatinships between any of you) that you shoudl not completely dismiss the week on/week off situation. how involved is your h with your dc now? it will be a big blow, him leaving, and the routine of week on/week off might help them come to terms with it.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2011 20:03

Oh Ellen. I'm sorry.

You're a strong woman though, with a life of your own. You'll be able to arrange things so they work for your and your ds.

Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 20:22

I do need to take advice about the custody/access arrangements. I'm a PT TA, very low paid, to fit around DS2. No pension, not even NI.

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Galena · 07/09/2011 20:30

Sorry to hear this - if there's anything I can do... (I think I'm vaguely near you, locationwise...)

nenevomito · 07/09/2011 20:35

Oh Ellen that's just so shit. I'll go and read the other thread, but I wanted to send you a virtual hug.

{{{}}}

WilsonFrickett · 07/09/2011 20:42

Oh Ellen, that is absolutely pish. Sending you lots of strength. Get legal advice sooner rather than later and stick up for what is best for the kids. Need to run now but just wanted to send you whatever you need.

IndigoBell · 07/09/2011 20:44

:(

Words fail me. Very sorry to hear this EllenJane.

:( :( :(

You are right - we are all here for you. And we are your friends.

TheTimeTravellersWife · 07/09/2011 20:52

So sorry to read this. Agree with the good advice already given on here - get good legal advice ASAP, including reports on what is best for the children, in terms of custody arrangements.
What a completely selfish b@stard!
Stay strong, you will get through this.

Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 20:55

Thanks again. H reads this so won't say too much. But I will be getting advice. Lots of RL people have been texting me and offering help, too so I feel quite well supported, but MN is just so helpful.

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TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 07/09/2011 21:01

I'm so sorry to hear this ellen, sending you as much Brew Wine and hugs as you can handle.

hazeyjane · 07/09/2011 21:19

I am so sorry, what a nightmare for you. Gather all the support you can around you (whether it is mn or rl), and try and get some good outside advice about the custody/access arrangements. Look after yourself.

chocjunkie · 07/09/2011 21:21

so sorry to read this, ellen :( what a bastard. but you are a strong woman. you will get through this ((((hugs))))

Original poster
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 07/09/2011 21:23

I'll take some gin! Grin

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moosemama · 07/09/2011 21:31

Oh Ellen, just seen this and I am so sorry to hear this. I wish there was something I could say that would help.

Am sending you much love, light, strength and ((hugs))

moosemama · 07/09/2011 21:34

.... and gin!

smugtandemfeeder · 07/09/2011 21:57

So sorry Ellen, I have been thinking about you since you went quiet. You must feel sick with the shock of it. Flush his iPhone down the loo so he can't read this for a day or two. Sending you massive hugs. so sorry this has happened. More gin....So sorry Ellen, I have been thinking about you since you went quiet. You must feel sick with the shock of it. Flush his iPhone down the loo so he can't read this for a day or two. Sending you massive hugs. so sorry this has happened. More gin....

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 07/09/2011 22:21
lisad123 · 07/09/2011 22:25

so sorry your h is a twat and deserves a good kicking!

coff33pot · 07/09/2011 22:26

Oh god Ellen :( :( I have not been here today. I will read your other thread but putting myself and house together a min. I am so so sorry. Heres me thinking you were having your hols and sorting out the councelling thats why I hadnt seen you on here. I will be back in a sec when I have sorted things out and read post xxxx