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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

People making comments re SNs in public

89 replies

Triggles · 19/06/2011 11:00

DH just came back from taking DS2 on a long walk in the Maclaren to the supermarket to pick up a few things. He was doing a favour for me, actually (as I'm the driver in the family) as I was tired and not really up to a trip to the supermarket this morning. Plus DS2 loves going on long walks (as long as he doesn't actually have to walk the whole way LOL).

DH was fuming. Said that 3 different times he had people making comments about DS2 (4yo) being in a pushchair. He ignored the first 2, but the third one, he went off at them and said "It's a special needs pushchair - is that a PROBLEM for you?!?!" Apparently that woman turned bright red, looked down, and scurried off pretty quickly at that.

I will never understand why people feel the need to comment, tut, make faces, point, laugh, whatever.

OP posts:

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 19/06/2011 11:49

I thought it was blooming obvious that a MacClaren Major wasn't an ordinary pushchair! The ignorance of some people. So what if a 4 yo is in a buggy anyway? It's not exactly against the law, hurting them or even their business. I'm sorry, but some people are simply busybodies, and hopefully would be ashamed of themselves if they realised your DS had SN. Maybe the woman your DH spoke to will think twice next time. But I bet you're not about to tie a sign around his neck! I would always tell people if they made comments, in a matter of fact way. I think as your DS gets older, his disabilities will become more obvious, unfortunately, and you'll get less ignorant comments but maybe more deliberately cruel ones.

dolfrog · 19/06/2011 11:55

They could be practicing to become Tory MPs

Calally · 19/06/2011 12:03

its so frustrating. i had ds at the park yesterday. he has no sense of danger, ( doesnt understand to stay out of the way of swings ) foreign lady bout 20 swinging on swing, when ds ran past, to which she muttered something. i didnt react. happened again, my fault for not being quick enough, this time, she was furious, shouting at him to watch where he's going, and cannot i not control him, it cant be that hard. so i simply said, actually hes disabled, and doesnt understand the dangers, to which she replied dont bring him out to places when theres other people about. i was fuming. took ds to another park, otherwise i probably would have been arrested for assault. some people just dont get it at all.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 19/06/2011 12:07

Dolfrog!

Original poster

Triggles · 19/06/2011 13:19

Calally - how frustrating! I get aggravated fairly easily by people like that. I must develop a thicker skin and learn not to comment back.

I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to justify his existence to others who are commenting or looking. I'm NOT putting a tshirt on him that explains it. I'm NOT handing out cards. I AM considering handing out cards that say "Hello. You've been given this card because you've been either unbelievably rude or incredibly ignorant (possibly even both!). Perhaps in future you could do the world around you a service and either think before you speak or simply don't speak." Shall I make a few up for everyone? I think they'll be handed out pretty rapidly around here.

Dolfrog - (although it is a bit scary that people actually think that way!)

EllenJane - that's also a big worry - when he gets older and it gets more obvious and more cruel.

OP posts:

sickofsocalledexperts · 19/06/2011 13:23

God, people are outstandingly ignorant and rude. Never ceases to amaze me. Good for DH for saying that! As we discussed on a recent chat thread, we need to make "disabilism" as socially (and legally) unacceptable as racism.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/06/2011 13:23

I like the sound of those cards, you should market them!

Original poster

Triggles · 19/06/2011 13:35

I'll have to think of an appropriate "graphic" to add to it.

I wonder if Vistaprint would do them?

OP posts:

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 19/06/2011 14:02

Yes to cards!

Calally · 19/06/2011 16:18

yes to the cards, they sound great :o

dietstartstmoz · 19/06/2011 16:22

The cards sounds great, I think you may have found a niche in the market. I could do with some.

Chundle · 19/06/2011 18:59

I just can't understand why strangers have to comment on other people's kids full stop! Yesterday in tesco a man commented about dd2 STILL having a dummy and the damage it would do to her teeth (he's lucky I didn't do damage to his teeth!). What gives people the right?! Dd2 looks NT so I didn't even bother to explain she has SN I simply told him that she was still a baby and wasn't even 2 yet and to mind his own business! Pisses me right off!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2011 19:04

People are so ignorant.

Was in a cafe today and a boy with obvious autism came in (DD has autism but on this occasion was busy eating so it wasn't obvious).

He kicked off so his parents had to leave.

The woman behind me said loudly to her partner : 'I couldn't cope with a kid like that, I'd have hit IT several times...not that it's IT'S fault'

Nothing will surprise me now..the looks we get when we put DD in a highchair (she is a tall 4 but fits and is only way she will stay at table) are priceless.

Or the people who turn round to look EVERY time she makes noises.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 19/06/2011 20:16

We had that today. We went to the safari park for ds's birthday. He was in his major in the queue for the sealion show and the staff recognised it straight away and guided us to the disabled entrance, which meant we got to sit at the front. OMG the looks we got where crazy.

brandy77 · 19/06/2011 21:07

I have this problem every time I take my 6 year old on the train to London for his hospital outpatients. His ASD makes him anxious enough as it is and the worry of having blood taken for his medical probs also, so hes quite hyper on the train and is really really hard to keep amused. I had a stand up row with a lady and the ticket man last time because of their unkind comments, they backed down with red faces after id finished We are going again on wednesday and im dreading it, im thinking of writing something on a peice of a paper to hand it too any rudies or people that are looking and giving me the evil "my son has autism and is also very worried about his impending hospital visit today, he cannot help the way is behaving" really i want to write "f.....off staring will you hes disabled!"

Original poster

Triggles · 20/06/2011 07:47

I have to admit it is one of the reasons I was worried about getting the Maclaren, however, it has made life soooo much easier for both DS2 and ourselves. It has had a huge positive impact on everything, really, as it affects transportation everywhere and also his frame of mind when we get there. Not to mention we are not dealing with 2 daily massive meltdowns/shutdowns going to and from school, which I think also means he gets to school less stressed and more ready to listen and learn.

But I also knew it meant getting questions and comments from other parents about a 4yo still in a pushchair to/from school. And it has. A few just genuinely curious (people who already knew us), but some more inappropriate or tutting. You'd think they'd have already known something was up - these same people tutting and such are the ones that looked down their noses at him and muttered when he had a meltdown in the schoolyard about walking home or walked past us when we were attempting to get him home and he was on the floor unable to move because he was so upset.

I suspect those that tut the loudest would be the ones that would make the most fuss of others tutting if THEY were in our position.

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 20/06/2011 08:18

I haven't had any comments about ds, as he is so young (11 months), but I gues as he gets older his developmental delays will be more obvious.

But I'm afraid I'm one of those mums that everyone piles on on threads about their 4 yr olds in buggys. Dd2(nt) still often sits in a double buggy, and I am sick of feeling bad about it, and have had several comments in rl. She has horrendous meltdowns in the street, as she gets really anxious if we don't follow a set route. After the worst of these, where we ended up with a small crowd around us and a man helpfully pointed out that she was going to make herself sick if I didn't stop her screaming, I staggered home carrying her rigid over my shoulder, pushing ds in the pushchair and poor dd1 (5) carrying the shopping home and got the double out of the shed. Life is hard enough.

Good for your dh for saying something, I don't see why people feel they need to comment on other peoples lives. Life is so much easier with dd2 now that we have removed that one element of stress, sod what everyone else says or thinks.

wendihouse22 · 20/06/2011 09:52

Possible candidates for working at Winterbourne View?

We're supposed to be so "aware" now, in these enlightened times.....

Well done your DH!

unpa1dcar3r · 20/06/2011 11:24

I would have defo rammed them with the buggy!
When my younger DS was about 3 he always called people 'fat', it was a term of endearment. So he'd say 'hello fat dog' for example to a dog.
One day his support worker (who was only about 17 and incredibly camp) had him in the park on the swing. Everytime son went up he shouted out fat bitch (to know one in particular). SW warned him couple of times, but in the end got him off swing and put him back in WHEELCHAIR buggy.
Lady next to him shouts out 'can't you keep that BRAT under control?' to which SW huffed at her and shouted back "Don't blame the child for being a good judge of character" and huffed off. I nearly wet my knicks laughing when he told me.

I've said before to ignorant people "my sons might suffer from Fragile X Syndrome but at least THEY don't suffer from ignorance"

pedalpants · 20/06/2011 11:46

I'm a non driver and think buggies are really essential up until quite old if you want to get anywhere. I occasionally put my 5 yr old DD in a non-SN buggy (which I generally have because of younger child) if we need to get to the doctors on time and/or if she needs a poo!

I wouldn't bat my eyes at a 4 yr old in a buggy tbh, SN or no SN.

I sometimes get comments from elderley people (well meaning) saying "i wish I could travel like that" but they sound quite heartfelt so I take in the manner in which I hope it is intended...

intothewest · 20/06/2011 11:52

My DS is 7 and still goes in buggy ! I have perfected 'THE STARE' ...but TRIGGLES,love the idea of those cards.

Oh and that MP should be sacked. I find it terrifying that people who are so ignorant have any power in this society.

1980Sport · 20/06/2011 11:52

I thought this might give you a laugh - I was a lazy madam when I was young and refused to walk around town when my mum went shopping so she put me in a lovely old brown mcclaren (remember them??) right up until I was about 6/7. I used to have to get out of it and help her lift it onto the bus because she couldn't lift it with me in it. I'm trying to imagine some of the looks/comments she might've got all those years ago!!!

dolfrog · 20/06/2011 13:02

Potential In-laws can be a problem when our SN children start socialising as teen and young adults, some of these potential in-laws have the same uninformed views about SN and understanding our needs.

Original poster

Triggles · 20/06/2011 13:36

Well, it's either the cards to hand out with the above snarky comment I posted... or a bullhorn/loudspeaker so I can say "Move Along!! Nothing to see here!! Yes that means YOU!"

OP posts:

LollipopViolet · 20/06/2011 14:05

My friend H had a doozy of a comment a while back. She was out with her mum shopping, waiting outside a shop (H is 19, has CP and uses a wheelchair for days out, long distances etc). A woman in a mobility scooter came up to her and said "What on earth did you do to yourself to end up in that?". H said that she had CP, the woman replied, "Oh, I always feel so sorry for people in wheelchairs, people can be so ignorant towards them."

And it's not just the public. H and I were waiting for a train once, and the member of staff who was going to help us get on came along. A lady with a DS in something similar to a Major, but with lots of added support and padding, asked if she'd be able to get onto our train.

"Yes." says the member of staff, "But you'll have to fold your buggy."

Turns out that lady's DS couldn't sit up, hold his own head up or really sit unsupported at all. H and I then said, if there was any space when we were seated, she was more than welcome to slot in behind us, which she very gratefully did. She was then asked by another man on the train to fold, until I said, "Oh, she's going to slot in with us." It was obvious her DS had some kind of disability, buggies/pushchairs don't normally come with head/neck/leg support etc! How could people not see??

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