People making comments re SNs in public

[Triggles]

DH just came back from taking DS2 on a long walk in the Maclaren to the supermarket to pick up a few things. He was doing a favour for me, actually (as I'm the driver in the family) as I was tired and not really up to a trip to the supermarket this morning. Plus DS2 loves going on long walks (as long as he doesn't actually have to walk the whole way LOL).

DH was fuming. Said that 3 different times he had people making comments about DS2 (4yo) being in a pushchair. He ignored the first 2, but the third one, he went off at them and said "It's a special needs pushchair - is that a PROBLEM for you?!?!" Apparently that woman turned bright red, looked down, and scurried off pretty quickly at that.

I will never understand why people feel the need to comment, tut, make faces, point, laugh, whatever.

Or you could pass round the hat!!!

I have to say i do enjoy the passive agressive response of;

'oh you must have lots of experience with disabled children, in view of ds's complex issues what would you recommend?' and then wait... cue stuttering, red faces, etc

well done to your DH Triggles, mine would have done exactly same. Im a bit quieter and normally dont say a thing. DS age 10 severe autism, no communication grabs things from people or rolls on floor in asda and the amount of times ive heard "she cant control him", or " i know what id do if that was my son". Gets me furious, i think you care for him for even 5 minutes and see how well you manage. However on days when i take him in his wheelchair everyone cant be any nicer. Maybe i should have one of those t shirts for him that say I Have Autism for all the ignorant folk out there

People really infuriate me, once i was parked at supermarket, had put ds in car then putting shopping away a lady going by, trying to find parking space, (car window open) said to her passenger I MEAN LOOK AT HER, NOTHING WRONG WITH HER, SHES NEVER DISABLED. I was furious for about the first time ever i went after her car and gave her a piece of my mind. Told her heard what she said, but before she opens her trap in future, not all disabilities are visible, and shes right in that im not disabled, but my son is SEVERLEY. She was mortified all apologetic, stuttering and stammering. Hope she thinks twice in future.

Had a charming CHILD today dancing alongside DS2's Maclaren yelling "baby baby baby!!" and pointing at him, as we were walking away from the school today. To be fair, the mother shouted at him. But it still frustrates me. And DS2 was clueless - just kind of looked at him then looked away. Obviously I say he was clueless, but to be more accurate, he didn't react as if he understood or heard it. So I'm rather hoping he didn't understand, which I know is a bit cowardly of me, but I'd just rather he not realise right now when people are saying mean things. I honestly was simply too surprised to say anything initially.

DH, of course, muttered "go away, you feral brat!" Although I sort of laugh looking back at it, as DH is obviously a true Mumsnetter - using the word "feral"!!!!

I am dying to say 'he cant help having cerebral palsy, just like you cant help being fat and ugly!!' No opportunity yet as so far all we get is the odd stare.

'feral!!'....thats also going into the mental storecupboard.

I heart unpa1dcar3rs support worker

After saying that I hadn't had any comments about ds, yesterday in Boots, an old lady leaned into the pushchair, looked straight at ds and said, 'he's not right, his eyes are all dopey'. I thought I'd feel angry if someone made a comment about ds, but instead it just broke my heart.

Oh, Hazey, thats terrible :( They might be old, but they are old enough to know better.

Maybe she meant he was tired/unwell?

I know, and i really think I need to develop a thicker skin (like a rhino!)

You know how people lean into prams/buggies and smile at babies and say,'ooh isn't she/he lovely/ gorgeous eyes/hair/cheeky etc etc', well with ds they only ever seem to say, 'ah look he's sleepy/is he tired?',and I smile sweetly and walk on, I suppose she was saying the same thing but much more clumsily.

It's a shame though because he is gorgeous, so I wish people could comment on that!

I think perhaps a lot more people in this world could learn something from the movie "Bambi" eh? The whole "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" lesson was missed by a LOT of people!!

hazey - I ALWAYS get the 'is he sleepy/tired' thing as well - can never really understand it maybe it is because DS is a bit floppy or something. Don't get many direct comments on him but the thing that breaks my heart which has happened a few times eg in Early Learning Centre, when DS is happily playing with something alongside another child, and it is obvious from his awkwardness, not walking/talking and tendency to fall over etc that he is not 'normal', and the parent comes over and drags their child away presumably to ensure they don't get infected with whatever is wrong with him. At first I though maybe I was being hypersensitive and interpreting this the wrong way but it has happened a few times I'm pretty sure that is what is going on. And he's such a gorgeous little boy as well :(

I know it's slightly different but, still to do with transportation.....

Took ds to school today. He has a Blue Badge (ASD, OCD, Tourettes, aged ten). We use it only if he's hyper anxious or when there's nowhere to park close enough to school. Parents are NOT allowed to drive onto the school premises to drop off. I don't drop off, I have to take him to his classroom to hand over to his TA.

I get the filthiest looks and head shaking from the other schoolrun mums. They watch ds get out of the car and walk to the entrance. There's tutting going on as they let their younger kids run about inside the school forecourt. The two disabled parking bays are taken by school staff as there's very limited parking space. I kind of scuttle back to my car and drive away with their stoney stares visible in my rearview mirror.

And I just think "I'm allowed to do this.....and there's a parking spot set aside to make it easier.....if I could get in it.

wendihouse - the disabled parking bays are used by school staff? are they actual blue badge holders? If not, definitely speak to the school and insist they leave those spots open for those who need them. Obviously if they have blue badges, they're fine to park there, but if not, the school should not be condoning them parking there, regardless of how limited the parking space is.

Agree. Did speak to them but the response was "well, if you really feel he can't walk into school from the pub car park (over the road) then we could try to leave a bay free for the morning. Would it JUST be the morning?"

It's as if they don't consider him disabled enough, because he can walk.

I also met with a response when I recently asked if, just for the time being, whilst his OCD is so crippling (he's been trying to flush the loo with his foot, so afraid is he of touching handles!) he might use the disabled loo. They have no wheelchair users in school at the moment so, I didn't think it would be an issue. Because it turns out, he's going blue trying NOT to need the loo at school.

I think you need to be firm with them and say "the disabled spaces need to be available for those who have blue badges. End of." and explain to them that if this is a particular problem for them, you can take it up with the governors or the LEA. I doubt they'll look very good in saying "oh well, we want the disabled spots for our able bodied teachers, rather than making them available for the disabled people who rightfully need them." Don't be embarrassed or uncomfortable about it - he has a blue badge and every right to expect that spot to be available for him (or at least not occupied by those without a blue badge!!). If they don't like it, too bad! Morning, afternoon, all throughout the day. That's what the spaces are for!! Don't look at it as kicking off, look at it as protecting a right for not only your son, but for any others that may come after you at the school that might need it! (do you feel properly "bravehearted" up now? LOL)

And again, if he needs the disabled loo in order to function, then insist he use it. If he's old enough, then simply tell him to use it. Again, it sounds like they are being rather uncooperative. You may have to push hard on this one, but they really don't have any right refusing to allow him to use the disabled loo. It's not JUST for wheelchair users. DS2 uses them occasionally when he is quite overloaded and can't tolerate the regular boys loo. It shouldn't even be an issue for them.

(See, this is the problem - DS2's school is very cooperative. Some days I'm in one of those "loaded for bear, need an argument" days, and I can't even go in and grouse at them!! LOL Where's your school, I'll come over and growl at them. )

Nice Triggles. Need to "man up" I think. Am going to speak to them later. Again.

I bet the ignorant people who make these remarks are the same people who stand in front of DD in her wheelchair when we have bagged a front row position to watch an activity! They will also be the ones who park right up to my rear bumper on the road inspite of the large sign in back windscreen which says 'Please leave room for DD's wheelchair' and the obvious cut away bumper for the ramp! Not to mention their 'obelisk' act whenever we are trying to get down an isle in a shop. Heaven help these people if they become disabled in their old age!!!

I will tell people to move their car if they're in a disabled bay with no badge. Or I have said 'if you want my childrens bay maybe you'd like to take my children too?'. They soon bloody move then!

Hmmm...but, it's the SCHOOL!

I wonder if they think he doesn't warrant it. But then, neither does a staff member (without a blue badge)

bigbluebus, something similar happened to us once. H and I were off somewhere for the day, my mum dropped us off at the station. She pulls into the drop-off bay, H's wheelchair clearly visible in the boot, and some idiot pulled up so close there was barely room to open the boot. Mum got the wheelchair out, making it blatantly obvious that's what she was doing. Stupid people.

A friend of mine has a theory on parking bay abusers.

"If they want the bay, they can have a reason. If I was in power, I'd make it law, if you're caught using a disabled parking bay with no badge and no reason to need it, you get your knees broken. Then you'd have a reason."

Obviously this was in jest, but this is a friend who spent his student years working as a PA, and parking bay abuse REALLY winds him up!

wendihouse - the point is that it doesn't matter if THEY think he warrants it or not. They have a responsibility to keep those parking bays available for blue badge holders.

Your childs blue badge wasn't given to you because of 'their opinion' Wendi! Whether they feel it is warranted or not is not the issue. if they were parking in a blue bay somewhere else without displaying the appropriate badge they would get a parking ticket, end of.

My children can both walk. They can also swing doors open very forcefully and possibly hit another car and damage it if they don't have enough space.
They are not just given to wheelchair users. My boys need to be close to whereever we are going to limit the danger of them running into the car park into another car etc.

I would tell them that you need that space. As for people giving you dirty looks, smile and wave and say Hiya!
It's I suppose the passiver agressive way of sticking two fingers up at them!

Hi lollipop, I like the broken knees theory, similar to the queue jumping thing at theme parks. 'If you'd prefer your child was disabled, we can swap and we'll be happy to wait!'