School lateness punishments, neurodiversity and the law

[VividDenimTiger]

Posting here for traffic really. DD 14 has had issues in secondary school- we suspect ADHD to be honest. I am unravelling my own mid life ADHD traits at the moment too.

For DD, one of the things that manifests in school is persistent lateness. She just can’t organise herself to get to lessons on time. The school has now brought in a punishment for lateness where anyone late more than 5 mins gets sent to a punishment room for the lesson. Needless to say DD is now missing loads of lessons because of her lateness.

I know that it’s annoying for teachers when kids are late for lessons but it feels like this policy unfairly targets kids, like my DD, who might or do have some issues with timekeeping because of other things going on.

Aibu? I am trying to unravel some of this for DD (and myself) but I am really angry about how punitive this policy is- it feels like it disadvantages kids who genuinely have issues with organising their time and themselves. The corridors are really busy in school and she gets upset and overwhelmed and that doesn’t help all of this.

In some cases, cope would be more accurate than thrive. But coping is good enough. It's better than completely withdrawing from society.

Did she actually ask for reasonable adjustments because reading the thread back it sounds abit like 5min chat senco and oh on the waiting list for adhd? Spoken to school is a very vague term.
I'm annoyed with the way some SEN parents are portrayed on this thread which is mainly for the worst. Some of us have done so much work to get our kids to the next level that is has become another job. And then other people come in and tell us we have no idea what we are talking about.

Nope, coping is not 'good enough'. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Many didn’t cope either. Even in the past, the rate of suicide and contact with the justice system was higher in those with a ND condition. The rate of employment was still lower than the rest of the population.

Some who did cope, coped because the education system was different to what it is now.

OP has asked for reasonable adjustments. That is how she knows the school will not allow Loops and will not allow DD to move 1 min early.

This young woman has managed 4 years in what sounds like a not particularly inclusive secondary and presumably 7 years in primary before that. How's that "withdrawing from society"?

I’ve spent 3 years engaging with the school dealing with multiple issues because all they do is punish. DD has had detentions and all sorts because of things like ‘lack of engagement’. The issues have been complex and the school has mostly done fuck all. There is a great pastoral manager who has tried to help but the senco didn’t even reply to me because they will only work with kids with a diagnosis. So as I said - it’s now causing school refusal. There are sensory issues along with other things - hence pursuing right to choose.

I haven’t just made this up on a whim- it’s been years of lack of support, a constant battle with the school.

You need to draft an email saying that by refusing to discuss her needs without a diagnosis they are in breach of the Equality Act and if they continue you will consult a lawyer- and mean it.

It’s almost like they’re unaware of the increased suicide risk in ND people, mainly because they can’t fucking “cope” and have destroyed their mental health trying.

Can I ask if you have thought about something like a private educational psychologist report and then moving on from there? I know they are expensive but can be invaluable. Also you can also lobby your LEA if you don't think your getting anywhere with the school.

OFFS

We had one like that, no business being sendco if they can't read and can't follow the law. Ours moved on and the next one was able to keep my next kid in school.

I get why the school has a lateness policy, but it sounds like your daughter is struggling rather than being deliberately late. If the punishment is making her more anxious and putting her off school, it doesn't seem to be helping anyone. Letting her leave a minute early to avoid the crowds feels like a fairly reasonable compromise to me. Sometimes a bit of understanding can achieve more than another detention.

the use of the punishment room isn't working nor is getting anyone anywhere so it needs to be reviewed.
schools have to address and support needs, support should not be withheld on the basis of no diagnostic yet.
is there a head of year or head of middle school you could escalate this to ? or a governor covering SEN ?

Hi OP, gosh your DD sounds quite like my DS. I really feel for you. Our school weren't that supportive, but they were more supportive that yours. He went through a period of being late/missing classes/anxiety nose bleeds. He would hide at lunchtime because the dining room was too much. He had a lot of anxiety. We got his diagnosis privately and then got a care share agreement with our GP. He was diagnosed with ADHD years before this started, though. I think there may be a bit of mild autism as well, although it is subclinical.

DS benefited from positive hypnotherapy, to help bring his anxiety down but also try to think more positively. A lot of what us ADHDs go through can really effect the self esteem, which can effect ones anxiety. Can your daughter try Loop ear plugs just to bring down the noise?