School lateness punishments, neurodiversity and the law

[VividDenimTiger]

Posting here for traffic really. DD 14 has had issues in secondary school- we suspect ADHD to be honest. I am unravelling my own mid life ADHD traits at the moment too.

For DD, one of the things that manifests in school is persistent lateness. She just can’t organise herself to get to lessons on time. The school has now brought in a punishment for lateness where anyone late more than 5 mins gets sent to a punishment room for the lesson. Needless to say DD is now missing loads of lessons because of her lateness.

I know that it’s annoying for teachers when kids are late for lessons but it feels like this policy unfairly targets kids, like my DD, who might or do have some issues with timekeeping because of other things going on.

Aibu? I am trying to unravel some of this for DD (and myself) but I am really angry about how punitive this policy is- it feels like it disadvantages kids who genuinely have issues with organising their time and themselves. The corridors are really busy in school and she gets upset and overwhelmed and that doesn’t help all of this.

Not every parent of every ND child is perfect, though, are they? They don't, every single one of them, do an equally good job of preparing their child as well as it can be done to cope with the world they will need to live in, do they? I've read stuff on this forum that confirms that even if others haven't seen it.

ETA they all do a job I couldn't do!

So you’re saying parents of ND children are worse at parenting than parents of NT children? Right. Got you. Complete rubbish and abelist.

And can we have some links and quotes please for such an outrageous thing to say. Must be loads on this thread- except I haven’t seen any.

That is not what I said at all.

So what are you saying? And quotes please.

Exactly what I said.

Not all parents of ND children are equally good at preparing those children for living in the world they will have to live in.

I'll repeat though, that they all do a job that I couldn't do. No

Who are you to lecture parents facing difficulties the like of which you wouldn’t want to experience in your worst nightmare. When you’ve experienced your child self harming, trying to kill themselves multiple times, holding their hand in high dependency, in and out of hospitals, battling services for help, battling schools for an education whilst coping with multiple debilitating ND disabilities maybe then you get to lecture parents of ND children on “ preparing their children for the world we live in”. We do it day in and day out thankyou very much.The parents of ND children I know are doing an amazing job above and beyond what parents of NT children have to do .

Oh and not sure if you’re aware but many parents of NT children fail miserably as regards this- without having disabilities to manage. Why are you focusing on parents of ND children?

And again where is your evidence for such offensive nonsense.

Why am I focusing on ND children? The thread is about ND children.

Differences in parenting ability also exist in the parenting of NT children.

I made an observation, I have lectured nobody.

That millions of parents do not have equal ability to parent?

You need evidence? Look around you at parenting and at any other aspect of life lived by millions.

An observation based on nothing( still no quotes) to parents of ND children who have oodles of lived experience of preparing ND children for the world we live in when you have none!!

That person is saying it is the same for parents of any groups of children...

There will be amazing parents.
There will be average parents.
There will be shit parents.
There will be abusive parents.

In all groups of kids there will be a range of parents within that group...

It was clear what they were saying.

If we looked at all parents of 4 year old kids....the above would apply to that group, if we looked at all parents of kids with sight impairment the above would apply to that group.

Not all parents of 4 year olds are amazing...law of averages makes that so, you cannot have all parents above average...or else they all become average...ask Michael Gove that one!!

There is a range of parents...ranging from the amazing to the abusive and all in between.

They never said parents of ND kids are shitter at parenting than parents of NT kids. They were saying that within that group of parents there will be a range of parenting abilities, parenting engagement etc.

This explains it better than I could.

Some parents are not great, that's not new news.

While i agree with you some parents don't prioritise what their child needs. Some children have to wear the same socks all week because it is the only pair they have. So yes there are cost involved.

You said

“It's stuff parents write quite often on this forum. For some parents, the diagnosis stops them trying to get their child to fit in with the world they will have to live in as adults.”

Evidence please.

Plenty of it working in a school.

SOME parents use a diagnosis as an excuse for their child.

SOME parents use the diagnosis as a springboard to access support, teach coping strategies and help their child understand themselves better.

I never mentioned SEND at all, And if the figures are wrong take it up with South Ayrshire council as that is the figures they have for pupils with ASN in their schools.

I don't have search capability and this forum is huge. I have no intention of trawling for hours across dozens of threads and thousands of posts to do what you want. I've seen it. People including ND adults commenting on their childhood have seen it.

Thank you. Began to think I was going crazy for a moment.

She said

“It's stuff parents write quite often on this forum. For some parents, the diagnosis stops them trying to get their child to fit in with the world they will have to live in as adults.”“

I’d like to see evidence of that because its not my experience at all. ND is actually under diagnosed in this country and parents often desperately want a diagnosis to help prepare their children for the world we live in to the best of their ability.

Can’t wait to see this evidence. Children vary hugely in how much they can “fit in” so I’d love to know how you know individual ability and your evidence of how parents aren’t trying to help them fit in.

Also just so you’re aware every professional you come across when you have a struggling ND child will tell you that fitting is not what you should be aiming for and actually all too often we are trying to get them to fit in too much.

Most recent government figures out the overall SEND % at 21%. The government are cleverly trying to remove children from the SEND register via reviews at each key stage.

The rise in percentages is likely due to higher SEND prevalence in lower years and more diagnoses in higher years. I anticipate the percentage rising further until we reach a point where SEND is the norm.

Of course you have no intention because you have none. Should be plenty on this thread. You can’t provide evidence.

“SOME parents use a diagnosis as an excuse for their child.“ Evidence please .

I have experience professionally and personally.The vast majority of parents want a diagnosis to help their child.

Where do you experience multiple send children and parents?

I've heard everything from "X can't do that because they have ADHD". The thing they were asked to do was write the title in their exercise book.

Or "X can't see the board so they won't do the work". Yet when I wrote something to catch their attention on the board, they could suddenly read. (The child could see the board, it was all an excuse).

I've had a child who was "allergic to the whiteboard pen ink" one year. By September of the next year she was no longer allergic. (She was never allergic, she'd cooked up a cock and bull story with her mum to avoid the work).

The vast majority of parents want a diagnosis to help their child.

Hence the word SOME.