To struggle with the “furry” bullying

[CucumberBagel]

I could really use some wise words. My autistic 9-year-old daughter is friends with some (wonderful) children who are identify as therian. I’m of the opinion that it’s just a phase, special interest, and it’ll fall off. No harm. My daughter is just enjoying wearing a mask and tail and practising moving like an animal (quadrobics). She’s just a kid having fun. She’s home educated after years of struggling to attend school and we’re working to rebuild her confidence.

But my god, the snide looks and remarks from kids of all ages, even adults! Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning. I’m fuming for my daughter, who is just a kid having a good time. It hurts her feelings. I’ve spoken to a few of the kids who are saying things and told them she’s just playing and to lay off, but I can’t follow her around like a body guard.

I’m also torn between the whole “ignore / rise above” thing I’m meant to be teaching her, and wanting to give a piece of my mind to every little jerk who thinks it’s ok to make fun of someone for being different.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)

Does your child think she actually is a certain animal or is she just playing pretend? It’s unusual for children as young as 9 to ‘identify’ as therian.

your neighbours teen filming your 9 year old daughter in her own garden is obviously massively unacceptable. If you’re sure about this then I would speak to the neighbour about how hugely inappropriate that is

I always thought furries was a sexual fetish, maybe that’s why they have raised their eyebrows.

Of course your neighbour shouldn't be filming your child. I haven't heard of 'identifying as therian'. Your child is going to have to live in the real world not a fantasy one. Dressing up and pretending is absolute fine for playing and messing about as long as she understands that.

Maybe the SEND thread would be better for this

Children go through phases - we all know that. I don't see how wearing a tail & mask is doing any harm. When out shopping it's common to see children dressed as fairies or princesses. My DS went through a stage of going everywhere identifying as a fireman with a snorkel & mask as breathing apparatus.

However, teenagers filming them in their own back gardens is unacceptable & I'd be speaking to their parents. Children have the right to privacy in their own gardens.

Given the highly sexualized undertones that come with "Furry culture" I would be very careful with letting a child get involved with anything more than just 'play acting' as an animal.

I've met and known some great people who were into "Furry" culture to varying extent. All of which engaged with the sexual side, and would discuss how prevalent it is online and at their conventions/meet-ups. And cool, fine for them, they were consenting adults, and if they want to get dressed up and do whatever, then ok!

The communities themselves, and the people were lovely, friendly, open etc. but when speaking candidly, none hid the sexual nature of what they do. That would make me very nervous about bringing a child anywhere close to that type of environment.

As for bullying. You can't stop it. If your child has unusual hobbies or interests, they will meet people who are not tolerant of differences. You just need to work to build resilience in your child to prioritize their own mind over the judgements of others.

Unfortunately the therian thing is associated with adult 'furries' with a sexual fetish. Obviously it's not ok for your neighbours to be filming your child in your garden and you should go and speak to the parents about this. But I do think you're being a bit naive as your daughter's behaviour is unusual and bound to raise eyebrows.

Where on earth did your 9 year old hear about being a therian? Being a furry is very often a sexual fetish and while it is popular among children because of the play pretend aspect, you can’t act like there’s not also a large number of adult furries who get a sexual thrill out of it.

let her play if she likes but I would find out who is putting these thoughts and language in her head and distance her from them

Isn't therian different from furry?🤔

Unfortunately ‘furry’ culture is inextricably tied up with sexual fetish. Although Therian is more furry adjacent than furry, it still unfortunately brings all that stuff to mind to your average person.

There’s a difference between playing make believe and ‘identifying as a therian’. One is normal, the other is kids thinking they can be trans-species.

The people saying furries are "a fetish" or "peados" really get my back up. Me (39), my daughter (13), her friends and members of my community like to dress up because it is fun and an escape. Bet you don't judge people who dress up for work (Disney)?.

Therians believe or pretend they actually are the animal - furries wear fursuits and dress up as anthropomorphic humanoid animal things. There is often a crossover

On another note, let your daughter continue to have that escape. People who tease are the problem.

Come on now - there is a huge number of furries who do get a sexual thrill out of it. There’s furry porn for fucks sake

How on earth have we got to saying that 9 year olds ‘identify’ as anything?🙄

“Furry” is an adult sexual fetish. One that is suspiciously designed to appeal to children.

I have a autistic child too he is often seen as different and I've been surprised how it's mostly other parents that judge and don't want their child to play with him rather than the children! The other children are often more accepting or curious in a friendly way.

I would just build up your child's self esteem make sure they know what to do if they get confronted and how to stay safe. Sounds like they have wonderful friends already but also building that safe community where they can express themselves freely.

Personally I think it's so sad that others can be so unimaginative and inhibited by social norms (when its harmless )They are the ones really missing out on life.

There's porn of everything if you look for it, don't taint everyone with the same brush. So I guess cosplayers and Disney workers are a problem too?. Thought not.

“Members of my community” - what on earth does that mean?

It's another way to chip away at boundaries (both ours and those of our children).

This

You are at best hugely naive.

Unfortunately anything imagination based costumes other than princess or super hero has been sexualised and made out to be a fetish. If kids show any interest outside of the approved list it’s made out to be some inappropriate lifestyle choice instead of kids playing make believe

Exactly - let the child "play", not "identify as"