To struggle with the “furry” bullying

[CucumberBagel]

I could really use some wise words. My autistic 9-year-old daughter is friends with some (wonderful) children who are identify as therian. I’m of the opinion that it’s just a phase, special interest, and it’ll fall off. No harm. My daughter is just enjoying wearing a mask and tail and practising moving like an animal (quadrobics). She’s just a kid having fun. She’s home educated after years of struggling to attend school and we’re working to rebuild her confidence.

But my god, the snide looks and remarks from kids of all ages, even adults! Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning. I’m fuming for my daughter, who is just a kid having a good time. It hurts her feelings. I’ve spoken to a few of the kids who are saying things and told them she’s just playing and to lay off, but I can’t follow her around like a body guard.

I’m also torn between the whole “ignore / rise above” thing I’m meant to be teaching her, and wanting to give a piece of my mind to every little jerk who thinks it’s ok to make fun of someone for being different.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)

Little girls have long played playground games like galloping about pretending to be a horse which is fine. However, we didn’t go around saying they ‘identified as horses’. It’s ridiculous. Autistic kids often play in ways that are seen as young for their age which can lead to ridicule, so I’d be careful about going all in on this. And yes, furry and anthropomorphic stuff is a common sexual fetish so I would be VERY careful about monitoring her access to the internet. An innocent search could lead to disturbing content.

This.

I think it’s fine to play pretending to be an animal.

I do not think it’s healthy to encourage your child to think that they can identify as something they are not.

Also OP why are you referring to "tweens and teens" when your daughter is 9 - and probably immature for 9 as well. She's a child fgs

Agree with the posters saying that pretend play is fine, but I would be actively discouraging any talk about "identifying as" an animal. And if I had dc the same age, I would discourage any friendships with kids who claimed to "identify as" an animal.

You're all the problem tbh, believing what you read on the internet. You sexualise literally everything, it's gross.

Autistic people like to pretend to be animals, it's a very common thing. Me and my children are autistic and it's something we enjoy.

I am confused as to how a homeschooled 9yo knows the difference between dressing up and playing as opposed to identifying.

If you want an honest opinion, I would very gently steer her away from this and onto other interests she has if you possibly can. Does she have other friends who aren’t into this? Other interests you could help her with?

Definitely stop people filming her without consent in your garden. That’s not ok.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)
You need to start researching and investigating and determining exactly what your 9 year old child is being influenced by. Yes, it's all great to think it's a bit 'silly' but there is a very dangerous underbelly to this and you need to protect your daughter.

Nobody should film or bully anyone. Nobody should be encouraged to identify as anything else than what they are either.

I can see where a lot of the bullies are getting it from.

So many of you missing the point and not offering anything helpful. Kids identify as all sorts of things, from goth to trans. They’re searching for their place in a world - a world filled with shitty people who want to squash any sort of self-expression outside the norm. No wonder they’re looking for a place to belong. It’s all mostly a phase. If I’d used the word “cosplay”, perhaps the responses would be less judgemental.

A better question to ask would be, why are the bullies aware of the sexual aspects of furries and therians, when my 9 year old isn’t? What are YOUR kids looking at online to know this stuff? (Incidentally, there is porn for everything, everything is fetishised. That’s not a reason to start bullying children.)

I’ll try and get this moved to SEN, thanks to a pp for the suggestion.

Fgs. When I was that age, we were dressing up. My brother and I used to put my mums high heels and totter around the house thinking it was hilarious. My brother was not ‘identifying’ as a women. He was 7 and we were playing.

Why would you label your daughter as a ‘identifying’ as a furry rather than just run of the mill dressing up? I don’t get it at all.

There's porn for EVERYTHING! Doesn't mean everything is sexual

That's great, but it doesn't mean there isnt a cross over with chilld abusers, and you'd be neglectful to bury your head in the sand over it when you have your daughter involved in this 'community".

This is exactly what I was thinking.

@CucumberBagel the struggle you are having is with being a good parent. Wise the fuck up.

It is a sexual fetish. No way would I let my child engage in this.

Exactly, it's all absolutely ridiculous!. People should be allowed to express themselves freely, but unless you fit in the "norm" then they won't budge.

i feel for your daughter, my kids get bullied too. All I can suggest is tackle the bullying as that is the only problem here.

Exactly. I used to have an imaginary friend. But I didnt really believe she existed.

My DD11 is into all this, I'm thinking the same as you- it's probably a phase. I remember watching The Craft at 11 years old and believing I was a witch (that led to 4 years of very heavy eyeliner)😂
She told me she 'identified' as a therian and we did have a chat about what that sentence meant, and that I respected how important animals are to her (she veggie as well) and that it's wonderful she feels so connected to the environment. However, I also said that she should refrain from pigeonholing herself in this way at such a young age, she may feel very connected to animals but she is human and needs to understand this.
My word of warning to you, is to keep an eye on any 'therian' youtube videos etc., that your DD watches (if she has access to it). There is such a lot of adult content out there and it can go from a harmless video about wolves or foxes, to a very adult video without warning.
Edit: We also talked about wearing masks etc. outside of the house and I warned her that not everyone in the world is kind, and that some people feel it is their place to make unkind comments.

Did I say she identified as? Where did I say that? In fact my entire post was pointing out that she is just playing. You can pause to read before hammering the keyboard in foamy-mouthed rage.

teenagers should not be filming a 9 year old girl. I’d be round at your neighbours house and saying this very firmly.

There’s a world of a difference between “identifying as” ans playing dress up, and that’s where the danger of fetishisation lies.

I’d be very wary of my autistic 9 year old being anywhere NEAR people who “identify as”.

I’m struggling with this. Are you saying that your daughter just likes imaginary games? You actually say she identifies as a therian. Is she dressed and acting like this the whole day? Unfortunately. This is the sort of thing teenagers do and if you encourage this behaviour in her then you are setting her up for a lot of upset

Sorry about the responses you're getting here OP. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and when I was older than your child I was totally fixated on the Brambly Hedge books and lived in an alternative world in my head where I was a Brambly Hedge mouse, I used to wander round my garden with a lantern I'd made out of a cardboard box and a torch. It was a harmless way of coping with the world and I don't now believe I'm a mouse (do have a Brambly Hedge calendar on my wall though 😆)

It's a well known fetish scene, don't be naive. They themselves aren't exactly discrete about it.

That's not to say that there aren't lots of people engaging innocently in it - of course there are. But I would be hugely careful of any young person getting involved.