To struggle with the “furry” bullying

[CucumberBagel]

I could really use some wise words. My autistic 9-year-old daughter is friends with some (wonderful) children who are identify as therian. I’m of the opinion that it’s just a phase, special interest, and it’ll fall off. No harm. My daughter is just enjoying wearing a mask and tail and practising moving like an animal (quadrobics). She’s just a kid having fun. She’s home educated after years of struggling to attend school and we’re working to rebuild her confidence.

But my god, the snide looks and remarks from kids of all ages, even adults! Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning. I’m fuming for my daughter, who is just a kid having a good time. It hurts her feelings. I’ve spoken to a few of the kids who are saying things and told them she’s just playing and to lay off, but I can’t follow her around like a body guard.

I’m also torn between the whole “ignore / rise above” thing I’m meant to be teaching her, and wanting to give a piece of my mind to every little jerk who thinks it’s ok to make fun of someone for being different.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)

Sorry your teen had that experience.. but good grief do you really think this happens to every child who enjoys playing with concept of Therians?

Thanks. Pretty typical Mumsnet pile on ignoring the original question and painting everyone as a deviant. Not sure why I expected better really.

This isn’t true. Historical larping often happens in public at fairs,fetes, country parks and nobody thinks they are sordid shagfests that lead children down the wrong path. Adult women dress up and go to bridging bottomless brunches etc. the reason furries are seen as a paraphilia is because the vast majority of people involved in it admit it’s a paraphilia.

Crikey I had never heard of this therian/ furry stuff until I read this 🤦‍♀️

Yes, I can see you’ve turned out amazingly.

From other kids?

Yes, I had hoped it was a kid thing but the amount of adults here who don’t realise that “identifies as” for the other kids also equals “a phase” is astonishing.
How do you know it's a phase?
I think that your safeguarding concerns are misguided: I'd be more worried about therians (?and their parents?) than the locals taking photos.

Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning.
Them? Your daughter is a 'them'?

You sound very angry OP. People are making comments based on the information that you have provided. Homeschooling an autistic child who can't be in mainstream must be tough. I hope you have some support.

I think there’s an issue around the term ‘identify’ for things like this, it promotes this idea that children/ teens have to almost ‘come out’ and tell people that they are therian and that this is an innate part of them rather than a culture or trend they want to be part of.

Yes, there are plenty of other cultures teens can be drawn to and have been drawn to in the past, things like goth, emo, punk etc, but I don’t think anybody ever felt the need to sit down and tell their friends/ family that they ‘identify’ as a goth or punk, there was no suggestion that being goth is something innate and part of you. I think the worry comes from the idea that being ‘therian’ involves actually being part animal and the links between it and gender ideology, this belief that you can transition to living as an animal self and that it’s a part of somebody rather than a culture, like being punk/ emo. It’s worrying if children/ teens believe that something which could just be a phase is actually an intrinsic part of them if it means they are less likely to be able to move away from it in the future because there are other people in the community (often adults) affirming their ‘therian’ side and telling them it’s part of them and they can’t deny it etc. I don’t recall this happening in goth/ punk etc culture and I know lots of people who were goths/ emos etc in their teens but aren’t now they’re adults, I think the worry however is that the ‘therian’ phase might go the same way as the trans movement so that children/ teens are convinced they need to transition and live as their therian selves and anybody who suggests it could just be a phase are shut down. It’s obviously much harder to leave something if there is a cultish community of people telling you to stay, and even more worrying when a significant number of those people are part of the community as part of a sexual fetish.

For a 9yo to ‘identify’ as a therian they must be spending a huge amount of time on the internet- or be heavily influenced by people who spend most of their lives on-line. For this reason alone I would be very very cautious about encouraging this.

Thank you, appreciate a sane response ❤️

One of the dgc did this a couple of years ago, maybe last year. Didn’t last long, it was like your dd, just playing around the garden.
I’d be more worried about the kids filming. I’d speak to their parents or even out it in writing stating filming of a minor is never going to look good and if they persist filming your child in her own garden you will have to take the matter further ( be vague as I’m not sure who would be able to do anything but just implying it might work) Any decent parent would stop their teen there and then.

Christ on a bike, for the millionth time she does not identify as a therian. Her friends do. That was the main point of my post.

Everything seems to have a name now!

Therian, quadrobics!!

Well my five year old currently identifies as a fairy (as do her friends), a couple of weeks ago she identified as a princess.

Its what they would have called playing pretend when I was younger….

No 9 year old, Autistic or otherwise, is a 'furry'. I wrote a long post but that sums it up.

Mumsnetters hate trans people so much that your use of the word 'identify' is a red flag to them that this might be trans-adjacent.

I have to admit, my 4 yo went to a friends house who had a cat tail and she loved it. Obviously it was just playing dress up, she loves animals and it as harmless fun. They also wore princess dresses and crowns and fairy wings. Normal play.

She’s asked for a tail but having read the threads on here I’m weirded out about buying one and being judged!

She’s asked for a tail but having read the threads on here I’m weirded out about buying one and being judged!

We just used one of Dad's ties!

ffs buy your young child the tail. What a nonsense.

Furry is a sexual fetish closely linked to pedophilia. I would not allow my child to have anything to do with it, any more than I'd allow him to act out a sub-dom dynamic. Your child is innocently playing along with it, but as an adult you should be more aware and putting the brakes on it. Channeling it in a way that is not linked to fetishes and abuse.

No-one should be filming your child playing in her garden. That's not on. But people who understand what furry is actually about will not be comfortable with it, even, or maybe especially, when the people acting it out are children. Other children and teenagers don't have the tools to know how to act well in a situation where a child is acting out a paraphilia in front of them, but they may instinctively feel extremely uncomfortable and respond by taking that discomfort out on the person they feel is responsible for it.

Nobody painted your child as deviant, this is ridiculos. Nobody bullied you or your child, nobody said your child can't play. Almost everybody just told you to be careful with the wording you use and/or the friends your child makes, as your child is innocent and don't think she fully grasps the concept of identifying as and might be influenced into things she doesen"t fully understand. This is just safegurading, why are you so strung up and offended I don't know. Play with your child and let her express yourself, is called play pretend and dressing up to go into identifying as territory, she's way to young. We only talk about the terms because you brought it up in your original post.

Quadrobotics made me LOL! I’m trying (and probably failing) not be to a d**k but crikey…

Can I ask how you pretend to be an animal in your day-to-day life? I’m just curious and definitely not here to mock or criticise. I can imagine kids doing it but not so much adults.

I quite like the idea of being wrapped up in fur, armoured against the world and distancing myself from humanity.

There isn’t really getting away from the fetish aspect of it though. My concern would be partly the more judged she feels the more she will hide behind the mask. Also at some point when she is finding her tribe I’d worry about potential grooming online.