To struggle with the “furry” bullying

[CucumberBagel]

I could really use some wise words. My autistic 9-year-old daughter is friends with some (wonderful) children who are identify as therian. I’m of the opinion that it’s just a phase, special interest, and it’ll fall off. No harm. My daughter is just enjoying wearing a mask and tail and practising moving like an animal (quadrobics). She’s just a kid having fun. She’s home educated after years of struggling to attend school and we’re working to rebuild her confidence.

But my god, the snide looks and remarks from kids of all ages, even adults! Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning. I’m fuming for my daughter, who is just a kid having a good time. It hurts her feelings. I’ve spoken to a few of the kids who are saying things and told them she’s just playing and to lay off, but I can’t follow her around like a body guard.

I’m also torn between the whole “ignore / rise above” thing I’m meant to be teaching her, and wanting to give a piece of my mind to every little jerk who thinks it’s ok to make fun of someone for being different.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)

When this interest in acting out as an animal takes over from reality it becomes a problem. On another thread the example of going to a Jane Austen weekend wearing the costumes learning the dances is fine because come Monday they are back to the office or ordinary life.
A child needs to be able to put on the costume, play and be happy then take off the costume and rejoin family life as Tracy or Brian.
Indulgence such as joining in their fantasy that they have changed will create more disconnection internally.

I wouldn't be encouraging it personally

It's one thing 'pretending' to be an animal - dressing up, making the noises in a game, but to actually 'identify' as an animal is totally different and something i'd be really concerned about as a parent.
The neighbours shouldn't be videoing or bullying, but I'm not suprised there have been 'comments' - anyone out not looking like 'the norm' can get comments (not that I would vocalise, but I would definitely think wtf). I would also think it's odd for anyone older than 8 to dress up as anything in public unless they were going to a fancy dress party or a pub crawl (Otley Run which I am familiar with!).

Thank you. We’ve had these chats too, and she maintains she’s not identifying as anything, she just likes dressing up and running around.

Clearly that doesn’t matter to the bullies (and their parents on here) who see a child in a homemade mask and tail and, for some inexplicable reason, panic.

You are really being over dramatic. I don't see any panic on here.

Exactly. Google furry convention once your child is in bed to see where this is coming from. I’m afraid to say that there are grown men out there who will definitely be enjoying seeing young children dressed up in their fetish gear.

Clearly that doesn’t matter to the bullies (and their parents on here) who see a child in a homemade mask and tail and, for some inexplicable reason, panic.

I don't see anybody panicing. What I do see are people who are telling you something that you clearly do not want to hear.

No … she’s a normal 9 year old who plays Minecraft and eats human food and sleeps in a human bed. When her friends are round, she likes to dress up and run around with them.

So it's "inexplicable" to you is it?..la la la I'm not listening , carry on , let your 9 year old mix with kids who identify as therian...it's all fine. You are so naive.

You haven't explained yet how on Earth a 9 year old who doesn't even go to school got access to somewhere and someone to learn about therians

People are trying to warn you.
Special interests can be so compelling. It is easy for the child to push any concerns to the back of their mind rather than telling someone, in case it interferes with practising their special interest. Make sure you safeguard her by regularly having casual conversations about what she’s up to, and definitely keep her safe online.

She clearly enjoys the physical aspect, so could she join a gymnastics club, parkour, martial arts club, climbing club?

In your first sentence you say she has friends who identify as therian - she might not at the moment, but she is getting her ideas from those friends (are they older?).

Where has your 9yo heard the phrase ‘therian’. That word alone means no, it is not simply dressing up.

You say your child is just a “kid”how does she even know about this type of stuff? Seriously children need to be kept off the internet for the sake of their own mental wellbeing.

Some of us have older autistic kids who have experienced negative outcomes from this whole ‘identifying as’ culture and the dark side of the internet. Nobody’s in favour of bullying, and everyone is pro children playing, but I would be wary of kids claiming they ‘identify as’ animals and keep a close eye on your daughter because if she can she will likely look for furry content via the internet. As others have pointed out, there’s some pretty horrifying stuff a click away. Filming your daughter is absolutely unacceptable. I’d be round to talk to the parents and using words like ‘harassment’ and ‘privacy’ and ‘under age’.

Op, my autistic teen was into the furry and anime thing from about age 13. Please, feel free to search my name and see how it ended for us a family as tbh I am having a a crappy day and can’t be a bothered going into the details.

But the short version is autistic > furry >anime> trans (then in secret behind the scenes) hentai>sissy porn> child abuse images> arrest =criminal record and SHPO at 18 years old. Entire family destroyed when it hit the local news network.

You would be better placed allowing your child to go to drama group /circus classes/gymnastics than encouraging them down this pathway. It won’t end well. It never does. Before you know it they will be at a pride rally wearing a leather dog suit while men are waving their erections around while they are getting “petted” by kids. And that already happened in the uk and the photos are there to prove it. You aren’t being as progressive as you think, you are allowing your child into a cult that looks innocent but it’s not.

Yes, I had hoped it was a kid thing but the amount of adults here who don’t realise that “identifies as” for the other kids also equals “a phase” is astonishing.

Um, have you actually spent time on these subreddits and forums? They're wild. I understand the impulse to stick your fingers in your ears and insist it's all a bit of fun, but there is MASSIVE crossover with fetishism and, unfortunately, paedophilia.

Some children need to go to school to mix with other children for their own wellbeing and to minimise access to the Internet. Just sayin’.

There's a huge difference between a child having a fursona and dressing up, and a grown adult man with a sexual fetish. And yes you're right, children will grow out of it. I had a phase where I pretended I was a wolf all the time 🙈

Also, some adult furries just like dressing up and being their character, similarly to cosplay. I think it's fine 🤷 I enjoy cosplay and DnD, so it's not very different to me. Whilst it personally gives me the ick a little, whatever 🤷

It's gross men who use it as a means to act out bestiality fetishes that are grim. And the link to paedos ofc.

Just keep VERY tight reigns on their internet use, or they will find some awful fetish content. Even things like deviant art and tumblr, which aren't known for porn, are full of porn.

I know a few similar aged girls who love dressing up as therians and making masks and tails and running round the park on all fours. Personally I find it sweet and harmless.

Unfortunately as you see on this thread, lots of adult women who spend too much time on the internet have sexualised it.

Wow, the Mumsnet pearl clutchers are out in force I see.
OP, Therian is a thing that some children in my area have been into for the last few years. When I first heard of it I asked my own kids is that not a sex thing?! But they explained what it was and how it is absolutely nothing sexually related. (amazing how kids can educate us parents isn't it....?). One of my daughters is now 13 and likes to wear a clip on tail to her jeans. She doesn't believe she is a horse, she is having FUN. So many younger children come up to her when she is out to ask if she is Therian. Isn't it so nice to be asked questions with curiosity and without judgement?!

OP, allow your daughter to have fun, she is not doing a damn thing wrong, and you and she shouldn't be made to feel that she is. And I would be having a few very harsh words with the neighbours parents about recording your daughter.

Honestly I do wonder why I check in on Mumsnet, it has to be the most toxic place on the Internet.

Can we not just say kids are playing make believe anymore?

I think the whole therian furry thing is very weird and inappropriate for kids.

I think it's very different from just a bunch of friends playing 'horses' or lets pretend animals or something, which is absolutely fine.

I don't agree with bullying at all and would be v unhappy if my child was being bullied. But at the same time as telling off the bullies I'd be talking to my child about appropriate and inappropriate play, and where is and is not appropriate to express different aspects of themself.

Kids need to learn about the harsh realities of the real world. They also need guidance and safe boundaries explained to them by adults. They need guidance on what is and isn't ok, where to play, and how to respond appropriately to friends and bullies alike

This is an adult fetish that’s made its way into schools. YABU for encouraging it and need to develop a more critical mind for the safeguarding of your child. You’d get the side eye from me too.