To struggle with the “furry” bullying

[CucumberBagel]

I could really use some wise words. My autistic 9-year-old daughter is friends with some (wonderful) children who are identify as therian. I’m of the opinion that it’s just a phase, special interest, and it’ll fall off. No harm. My daughter is just enjoying wearing a mask and tail and practising moving like an animal (quadrobics). She’s just a kid having fun. She’s home educated after years of struggling to attend school and we’re working to rebuild her confidence.

But my god, the snide looks and remarks from kids of all ages, even adults! Our neighbours teens were apparently filming them out of their bedroom window this morning. I’m fuming for my daughter, who is just a kid having a good time. It hurts her feelings. I’ve spoken to a few of the kids who are saying things and told them she’s just playing and to lay off, but I can’t follow her around like a body guard.

I’m also torn between the whole “ignore / rise above” thing I’m meant to be teaching her, and wanting to give a piece of my mind to every little jerk who thinks it’s ok to make fun of someone for being different.

Any wise words to help me put this in perspective?
(Any rude comments about Therians will be ignored. I think it’s a bit silly myself, but it’s no different to any other phase of self-expression for tweens and teens. Let people enjoy things if it’s not hurting anyone.)

Look, OP, you cant stop people from judging. Bullying, yes.
But what I think in my own head about 13-yr-olds wearing tails is my own business.

Fuck me I never said she was I’m saying they exist. The poster I was responding to wasn’t even talking about your child

some of you need to get off the fucking internet and stop believing everything you read... and stop attaching adult fetish behaviour to childrens cosplay/pretend dress up.

i've met hundreds of furries over the last 10 years and i can assure you NONE of them were wearing buttplug tails in public, they're all attached to their trousers via a beltloop.

Well that's a bit of a stretch! Animated educative shows for children can not be compared with "identifying as therians". Now, no one said this is the case in OP s child but you can not ignore the possible influencing a inocent child into something with so many layers. If the child enjoys plays pretend let her play, but don't associate this play with "identifying as".
Those friends, where are they from, where do they live and how come your child plays with them? Not criticising, just asking how your 9 year old autistic homeschooled child came across these children. Are they older, same age, younger? I would worry tbh that your child might have been targeted on purpose due to her innocence. Why don't you play with her these games, together as a family or taking her to zoos if she is fascinated by it? This way you encourage her creativity and passion without turning it into something weird.

Where have you been? BTW whatever you do don’t google: Rainbow Dildo Monkey

I just think it's something to keep a VERY close eye on, especially if she has access to the internet (even if only through others).

The boundary between innocent play pretend and something much nastier is crazily thin.

It STARTED as a fetish. Just because some people wear fursuits outside that scene doesn’t change that. Perhaps you should spend more time researching stuff on the internet so you’d see why it’s problematic

i wasn't talking about Therian, i was talking about the people not understanding why adult furries exist... but carry on.

Doesen't make it better, still a stretch! The shows are for children and are innocent, adult furries are not, you don't see adults dressing up as Peppa Pig or Bluey. Ask yourslef why. I will carry on explaining you cary on lying yourself.

It’s soo ridiculous. Just use normal language. Kids play make believe. Dd3 loved wearing her cat ears age 9-11… she doesn’t identity as a cat.

hi OP. I can see you have an understandably visceral response to people talking about fetish and sexuality when you are looking at an innocent, vulnerable, young for her age little girl. But there are people on this thread who had children who were equally young and innocent who rapidly found their way into much darker stuff via looking up their special interest on the internet. It’s a steep and horrifying learning curve. The online path from furry to porn is a very short one indeed. People are simply suggesting you be aware of that. The internet has turned parenting into a nightmare (I wasn’t aware of gamer vs furry for example) and the more vulnerable your autistic child, the more vulnerable they are to online influences and even grooming. Yes, let her play at being an animal, but be aware. And maybe think about gymnastics or a drama group to let her express herself.

You asked for wisdom and you’ve got it. It doesn’t fit with your current position so you’re becoming incredibly defensive. You’re being naive and when people point that out you accuse them of frothing.

The furry thing began as a fetish, there have been high profile issues with adults dressing as animals leaving dirty nappies in hotels and having massive orgies. Posters having seen those news stories aren’t the perverts, the ones taking part are. The ones involving children in it are.

My 6 year old occasionally pretending to be a cat isn’t the same as a child 3 years older identifying as anything or spending time with older kids who do. You’re using a whole bunch of labels to show you know it’s more than a bit of casual make believe.

You won’t stop people judging because there are big reasons to judge what you describe. She’s your child and it’s your choice to let her be exposed to a community which adult fetishists inhabit. But don’t have a tantrum when people explain all of this.

So, it's women who have sexualised it.....okey dokey.....🤔🙄

@mrstrickland

u don’t think that happens to every kid that wears a mask no. But if it happens to 1 in 50 it’s still 1 too much. My son was a wonderful child who struggled socialising. He was a straight A student who did especially well in his GCSEs. But he was groomed online and by “friends” and as he is autistic he didn’t know how to spot the liars and the chancers and I was stupid enough to believe it was all innocent and he would never do anything too break the law. Now he’s 25 and has no life at all. No friends, no job ( nobody wants to employ a sex offender, even though he never directly hurt anybody). His entire life is sitting in his room. We have lost friends, some family don’t talk to us. And this all started with furries and then trans ideology.

I don’t understand why you are promoting an activity that actively encourages/appeals to the neuro divergent % of its participants to go All In and by going all in, they are much more likely to go down that slippy slope as they suddenly feel they BELONG and will do anything their new friends say to carry on belonging. Can you honestly not see how easy it is for ND people and children to be manipulated by very clever adults that are doing it to further their own desires and agendas? And then those kids go on to groom others.

How terrible @OnyourbarksGSG. I am really sorry.

The furry thing began as a fetish, there have been high profile issues with adults dressing as animals leaving dirty nappies in hotels and having massive orgies. Posters having seen those news stories aren’t the perverts, the ones taking part are. The ones involving children in it are

This is the issue, it’s an adult sexual fetish with watered-down appeal for adults and children who just want to dress up.

My concerns would be that, firstly, as others have said, if she looks up “furries” on the internet - ie not looking for porn, she’ll eventually find it.

My second concern is that if this does progress as a special interest, at furry social events there will be people (men) there who are engaging in their fetish. Children attending these events hopefully won’t be aware of this and will be happily running around in masks and tails but I wouldn’t like the idea of my children being a prop for these fetishists.

I'm so sorry that happened to your poor son @OnyourbarksGSG I wish I could offer something more constructive than just sympathy.

I am really surprised that I have not come across this phenomenon. I have worked in mental health in London for 30 years. I thought I had heard every kind of story. I consider myself pretty ‘streetwise’.

However, I have not come across a single ‘furry’, at work or socially. Is it really as common as people are saying here? Somebody said they know hundreds of people like this? I appreciate people may not talk about it but I have not heard of it at all happening to people I actually know, first or second hand, kids or adults. Other than children dressing up as characters for fun.

https://oursaferschools.co.uk/2023/04/24/furries/

What. The. Hell.

A furry, poo-ey tail 🤮🤮🤮

That's really specialist.

I’m very sorry this happened to your family. We used to be frightened that our autistic kids would try to hack the Pentagon in search of UFOs. Now it’s this cesspit funnel of special interest to pornography that is aimed squarely at vulnerable, lonely autistic people. Sometimes I really hate the internet.

There don't seem to be any men on this thread telling the OP about their butt plugs?

Interesting logical conclusion.

Critical thinking is not your strongest skill, eh?🙄

Child abusers dont exist because none of them come onto Mumsnet and tell us how they like to abuse kids...

Was that really a serious argument?

Aah let her have her fun then