AIBU to be angry at school so early in...

[misskellyb]

My son is being assessed for autism and a strong possibility of ADHD (can't assess yet as he's too young).

He has a lot of sensory processing difficulties. One of these being toileting. He has just started reception at a small, one form school and is still in nappies. He is on daily laxatives and regularly soils. Therefore he is still in nappies. He will not toilet train. If he wears pants (and sometimes even when wearing nappies - if he's in uncomfortable environments) he will withhold his wee and poo up until the point of getting so unwell he requires enemas at hospital or ends up with severe stomach pains from not weeing. When he has pants on he has a tendency to poo his pants with the overflow of poo and requires changing of his clothes and pants regularly.

He had his first day in reception yesterday. He had his nappy changed once and was introduced to the toilet but showed no interest in following his peers and using it. I'm hoping in time he will be comfortable enough to start using a toilet at school. However today, when we got home I noticed his nappy was still in his bag and his nappy hadn't been changed and was full of wee and poo. I will be raising this with the school tomorrow.

He also struggles with transitions, one of these being transitions with clothing. For example on a morning he for some reason refuses to change out of his pyjamas and will meltdown to the point that some days he has to stay in pyjamas. He struggles going from season to season changing from summer clothing (shorts and short sleeved t shirts to jumpers and trousers and vice versa). As you know it's extremely hot and he was left in his school jumper all day at school today. I confronted the school when he walked out in a jumper and The school said they asked him to change out of his jumper but he said no, so he was left to play all day in a wooly jumper with a soiled, wet nappy( I was unaware of the nappy being unchanged at this time).

As he does have additional needs I've asked the teacher if they will feed back to me regularly how he is getting on as his speech is somewhat delayed. The teacher said that they have 30 other children so this isn't possible. AIBU to be abit annoyed about this? I acknowledge their high numbers of children however surely for SEN children they can find a way to prioritise feeding back to parents, weekly, fortnightly, monthly? She said no news is good news so if I hear nothing all is fine. But the news that my sons nappy wasn't changed today and the news that he wouldn't change out of his school jumper is surely news I should be made aware of and not having to find out for myself?

AIBU to be annoyed they left him in a dirty nappy all day? Especially in this heat! They have a duty of care and this is just neglect. He will be prone to infections if this carries on and possibly bullying if other children smell or notice the nappy. The school have had multiple meetings with me regarding his needs and his continence issues. I spoke the school on his first day yesterday to make sure the reception teachers were aware he needs his nappy changed and support around toileting and they assured me this is fine. They also have clinic letters from paediatricians and the continence team outlining that my son will need regular toilet breaks and support around toileting and changing.

I try everything at home to encourage toileting. But toileting issues have been his whole life. We've tried everything and I mean, everything. To the point where no more reward charts, sensory toys, or bribery will encourage him and it's just a waiting game for it to be on his terms but in the process I don't want him facing difficulties at school for this and personal hygiene issues.

You'd think second day in they'd be on the ball as well and I'm just worried this is the start of problems to come.

Does he have a 1:1?

How many staff are there in the class?

What provisions does he actually have in place?

Who is it you are expecting to change him?

I think there have to be 2 members of staff present for a nappy or underwear change due to safeguarding.

@Jenn3112 he doesn't have a 1:1 they said their funding wouldn't allow it and even their highest needs pupils needs only get 30 mins a week. He doesn't have an EHCP. It was refused as they wanted him to have two terms at school to gather evidence. And even then the LA said they don't want to give 1:1 often as it can impact childrens independence. I feel he needs some one to one support though, just occasionally.

@HB1974 I think just one teacher and two TA. Not sure if the TA are in together or on different days as part time roles though. Which I think it's the latter but might be wrong. I'll have to ask tomorrow.

This isn't actually necessary, although many schools follow it to protect staff. The advice is to have one adult if that is better for the child's dignity.

Op. His needs do seem quiet high. What level of support does he have in class, does he have his own 1.1
How many times a school day would he typically need his nappy changed .
I wouldn't go in all guns blazing just yet as first days are hectic for everyone with lots of kids taking a while to settle. It was probably just manic!

There is usually 1 teacher and 1 TA in reception class. There has to be 2 people present for safeguarding. They cannot change his nappy.
I also don’t think it’s a teachers job to change nappies?

You are not being unreasonable and it is part of their duty of care. They are aware of his need for support and they can also make plans around provision for that if they don't have enough staff.

I think perhaps they've underestimated the help he is going to need and are going to struggle to cater for it with their staffing levels. He needs a proper care plan in place, as I'd be amazed if a class teacher could manage that level of toileting support in a class of 30 children.

Without an EHC plan, unfortunately staffing is thin on the ground.

Having said that, I’d have a meeting with the class teacher or senco to request an intimate care plan for his nappy changing and enquire if he will be added to their SEN register and what that provision would look like in their school. I’m a senco and have had meetings already (many back in June/July) with all parents of pupils in nappies or with any SEN. Most parents request a meeting when the school place is allocated. Did you do this?

@Clefable no provisions, just a lot of supporting documents from the autism team and continence team. I've had meetings with the school so they're fully aware and said they could manage his needs until or in the absence of an EHCP. But clearly they aren't. Toileting was one big issue that's been raised many times. Alongside speech delay and sensory difficulties.

@fairyfluf the TA who changed him yesterday I suppose. Considering they said they can assist with nappy changes and support around toileting I assume this would be consistent.

@HB1974 that makes sense. Although from my understanding it was just one teacher yesterday who changed it.

I'd be amazed if a class teacher could manage that level of toileting support in a class of 30 children.

Yes. I've never heard of a set up like this - is it a mainstream school OP?

I'm sorry for all you & DS are dealing with, but how can his needs possibly be accommodated as you expect?

I think you need to ask for a meeting with the school SENDCO and get a care plan drawn up. But as you know, it is the beginning of term and the reception team are dealing with 30 new children, many of whom will have issues and problems, the teachers will barely have learnt everyone’s names yet let alone their personal histories with clothing , though yes, the nappy should have been changed.. Can I suggest that part of the care plan includes a day book that goes between home and school to include information about toileting/ soiling etc. I hope your boy settles into school, but at the moment you are all learning how the school can best deal with him and his specific needs.

Does he have an IEP / Support Plan? This is different to an EHCP. It doesn’t have funding and isn’t a legal document like an EHCP but sets out needs and what is needed to support those needs.

Meet with the SENCO asap. Appeal the EHCP refusal (has the LA refused the needs assessment? If so, appeal)

I cross-posted with you OP.

If they've said they can manage, that's different. But I think you need to discuss again with them what this entails. It sounds impossible, honestly.

There has to be 2 people present for safeguarding. They cannot change his nappy.

There doesn’t have to be 2 people present-this is not possibly in many cases.

Who cannot change his nappy?

It doesn’t sound the right setting to me. Knowing how many schools are in peril financially, I can’t imagine they have the capacity to meet his needs without an EHCP in place.
Are you in a position to go in and change him yourself each day?
Don’t go in guns blazing. See the SENCO and let him/her know what’s been happening.

You do need to meet with the SENCO and the sooner you can get a clear support plan in place the better. I would expect them to have written one from the meetings with you in advance of school starting. They should have a clear plan on who is changing him and when throughout the day.

I meant to add, don’t send him in a jumper If it’s such a hot day. I was gobsmacked at our school yesterday when a couple of parents dropped off children in their winter puffs jackets. It was 25° at 9am.

I think your child sounds like he may need more support.

If he needs changing then there needs to be a named person in the class who will change him x times a day. Is there a named person? How many times should he be changed? Meet with the SENCO and discuss this. If they say they do not have the staff, then you need to apply for an EHCP assessment.

The issue with the jumper is tricky. If he refused to take it off, there may have been little they could do. They can't force him to take it off and I am guessing that insisting would have led to a meltdown. I had kids in my class of much older children with no needs who refused to take off their jumper or blazer in the heat today! What would you have done if he refused? What would you want them to do in this situation? Would you like to be called? Would it be better if he didn't wear the jumper in the morning so that there wouldn't be an issue?

Chances are that there are many kids with additional needs in this reception class and there may well be just two adults maximum to deal with all of them plus all the normal settling in of 30 small children. It is of course important that he is clean and comfortable so I would ask to meet to discuss how this can happen.

I am sorry but I don't think you can expect too many meetings with the teacher. Imagine there are ten such children whose parents all want regular updates and meetings plus the everyday catch ups and conversations parents expect from a reception teacher.

Your ds sounds like he has some significant needs and I would start looking at how you can apply for an EHCP for him asap. Don't wait for the school. Do it yourself. You can find model letters on the Ipsea website.

I do think they have underestimated his needs. As has the LA because apparently toileting needs in SEN children can be managed in mainstream without an EHCP.

His nappy would probably need changing 2-3 times during the school day but on some days, with high laxative doses, it could be half hourly. I'd be happy though for it to be changed at lunch just to give a refresh and be a starting point.

He has dietary issues. His diet is limited. He actually goes days without eating sometimes. I want to put him on school dinners but the school cannot feed back what he consumes food wise therefore he is on packed lunches. He is not eating his lunch. But this is the only way I can monitor his food intake. Again AIBU to expect he should be able to try school dinners with some feedback given to me?

SEN children with food issues literally will starve themselves. I just hear, children will eat when hungry. My son won't.

OP, that sounds very difficult. I'm sorry.

However, I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. I presume he's been there a matter of days? I would suggest you calmly ask to speak to the class teacher and SENCO if possible asap. Then you can all sit down and work out a care plan.

But I'm really sorry - even for children with EHCPs, 1-1s and funding for children who need support is getting increasingly hard to get.

I bet your child's teacher and the TAs would very much wish it weren't so as well.

Keep your cool and speak to them. They have only just met your child whereas you know them and their needs incredibly well. I'm not saying they will be able to make all the reasonable adjustments your child needs by the sounds of it but opening that dialogue is the start..

Assist sounds they are expecting to support him with changing himself.