Just me or is DH a t**t?

[Hazeldeann]

I started a business and it isn’t going well.

I told DH my concerns about doing loads of training courses at the business centre, doing free work for exposure, spending time and money on networking, but not getting the paid jobs. I said this is pointless, I quit.

You’d expect him to say come on, it’ll be fine, keep going, or something supportive?

Nope. He said “If you give up this easily then self employment obviously isn’t for you”.

He’s a fucking unsupportive twat and I hate him.

He is supportive by telling you exactly how it is: you don't seem to be cut out to own your business or else you would not here complaining about such a irrelevant incident when you have so more important things to do.

I'm guessing that you don't REALLY hate your husband or think he's a t**t.

So you like to say things slightly over dramatically for effect?

This being so, I suspect you were being a little over dramatic when you said you wanted to quit? When what you were really seeking was support and encouragement to keep going.

However your husband has decided to just agree with you, which didn't play into what you needed from the discussion.

You are dealing with a clash of communication styles. You need to articulate what you mean and what you need in a discussion with a partner and not indulge in compliment seeking or platitudes gained from passive aggressive dialogue.
This is also a good rule to apply in how you do business. Be frank, don't be obtuse, and say what you mean and say what you want/ need from a situation. It will serve you better in your business and personal life.

I lost my job when I got pregnant. They verbally said that was the reason then backtracked when I instructed a solicitor. Discrimination but as usual they came up with legal excuses and denied saying what they said.

So I was already out of work and when it was time to go back, I decided I had nothing to lose by trying self employment. I spent six months engaging with the local business centre and doing their finance and marketing and legal workshops. Making my samples and getting photography. They’re supposed to get you from idea to launch. They assigned me a mentor for six months, she helped me get a grant to pay for a website, showed me how to trademark a business name, etc.

I started trading in November and I’ve only had two commissions, and it was one customer who came back twice. I’ve done all the free stuff - written articles for magazines, given talks, been a podcast guest - it isn’t bringing in business.

DH would love it if I failed. He’s pissed about having to do some childcare because I also “work” now. He’s had a good couple of years where I looked after DD and he could get up in the morning, only get himself ready, swan in and out at any time he liked, take overnight business trips whenever he liked. Now suddenly I’m at a workshop at the business centre, so when nursery calls to say DD is sick they can’t get hold of me and they call him. Or I’m on a podcast and I won’t be back till 7pm so he has to pick her up. Or we both have to be somewhere at 9am so I expect him to do half of getting DD ready, instead of only getting himself ready. If my business fails then he gets to go back to his cushy life of having a housewife doesn’t he.

I'd be pissed off too if I was the only one earning any money and still had to leave work to pick up a sick child.

You can't possibly be serious.
To draw a comparison between your situation and someone about to jump off a ledge is completely deranged. Do you realise that when someone is considering suicide it is because they are suffering from severe mental health issues, right?
How utterly disrespectful to bring such a dramatic scenario to win the argument.
I pity your poor husband.

I'd also be annoyed as the sole breadwinner having to leave work to pick up a sick child while you're doing podcasts and workshops for a 'business' that has made two sales.

You sound like you really don't like your husband.

But you were also defeatist, Op??

If how you sound in your posts is off the back of upset about the business, then fine. But you need to work on that.

If it's how you are generally, then you sound deeply unpleasant and I feel very sorry for your husband. It sounds like he is bringing in all the money for the 3 of you? So, yes, childcare would be your contribution.

You don't like him at all. So, it sounds like you are staying just for the money.

Well, he was blunt but accurate. You know in future that he's not the one to turn to if you need a handhold (which is ok, we need different people in our lives for different things).

For what it's worth, you should never do free work for 'exposure'. If your product/service is worth it, people will pay. Have you done a proper business plan? If you're confident in yourself and your business and it's just taking time to get off the ground, then accept you need to get a part time job to supplement your income while you build your business.

You spent six months messing around with courses and have had 2 sales since November- I'd be pissed off too having to carry the burden of paying for everything and also doing childcare.

Why are you working for nothing? Get a part time job and build up your business around that. You need a social media presence, not money that you don't have spent on 'networking'

Leave him. He deserves better

Has it cost you both a lot to set up? Maybe he is just worried about costs ?
Did he mention still working but for someone else?
Or maybe you caught him at a bad moment and he didn't give a very supportive response.
Was he supportive when you decide to start a business?
I hope things pick up for you, if only up and running since November then you should definitely give it more time .
Do you do lots on social media? Does seem to be a great way to get people to see your product and want to buy it

I signed up for a training course. Which he agreed to and knew about. And I was in a building with a poor phone signal. In a town fifteen miles away, with no car and it would take me two buses to get to the nursery, then I’d have to take a sick toddler home on the bus.

Boo hoo, he had to pick up his own child ONCE in the entire two years of her life.

I was once married to a man who never stopped moaning about his job, the people he worked with, his boss. Every bloody day he would come home and whine. Or he would come home and rant.

Is it possible he is as sick and tired of hearing you complaining as I was, many years ago?

I had £5k left to me by my Gran which I kept to start a business. The grant paid for the website. It hasn’t cost DH anything.

He was supportive but only if I still did all of the nursery pickups and dropoffs and sick days, and also all of the night wakings because he has to go to work the next day. Part of the reason I went for self employment was because no job would offer that level of flexibility, and he wasn’t willing to take on any of it even if I got a job.

Let’s not forget the reason I lost my previous job in the first place was because HE got me pregnant. It’s not like I stopped working by choice and decided to live off him. He got me pregnant and that got me fired.

Good grief, you sound crazy. Are you always this aggressive and hostile? It's horrible how you're talking about your DH. Your hatred is palpable.

Is this a joke?

If it's not, then you weren't fired because you were pregnant op. They spotted a chance to get rid of you and took it.

Oh boy! You're fizzing, aren't you!

He got you pregnant? Where were you while he did that, the manipulative bastard?

Seriously, if this is really what you think of him, you should leave. If it's just that you're in a mood, pour yourself a large gin, wait till you've calmed down and then have a proper conversation with him about what you should do and what support you need. But don't go trying to manipulate him and playing pity party games. Be a grown up

You can't be fired for being pregnant (assuming you're in the UK), so presumably you have a significant payout coming your way from the employment tribunal?

And less of this "He got me pregnant" nonsense - You're both adults and presumably you consented to intercourse?

Forget podcasts and talks. What actual marketing and selling have you been doing?

And also, what metrics outside of sales are you using to measure success/progress?

He got you pregnant? You had no choice in the matter then?

You should do this poor bloke a favour and leave him. You seem to hate him and blame him for everything. As well as trying to manipulate him into feeling sorry for you.

Not sure about the business but you said this :

Part of the reason I went for self employment was because no job would offer that level of flexibility, and he wasn’t willing to take on any of it even if I got a job.

That's wrong.

Tbf, reading your update I have a little more sympathy. It always falls on women to pick up childcare as well as work and he should support your business, but also if he’s working and bringing in money… I’d be pissed off leaving work too.
I was self employed for around 6ish months and it was relentless. You have to really have a passion for what you do to keep going. Do you?
and end of the day is there a market for this product or service? Even with high demand for my sector it did take a while for the enquiries to start coming in, it’s not instantaneous.

Jesus. You obviously don't like your DH but do you even like your child?

"I lost my job because HE got me pregnant" we'll spank me and call me Herschel. I always thought it took two to get pregnant!

You sound unhinged. Seek help.

Oh and do your DH and DD a favour and leave? Because you're clearly not happy there.

When DH finally decided to give up his failing Business I only just managed not to say "Thank Fuck"
Were you hoping he would talk you out of it OP?