Just me or is DH a t**t?

[Hazeldeann]

I started a business and it isn’t going well.

I told DH my concerns about doing loads of training courses at the business centre, doing free work for exposure, spending time and money on networking, but not getting the paid jobs. I said this is pointless, I quit.

You’d expect him to say come on, it’ll be fine, keep going, or something supportive?

Nope. He said “If you give up this easily then self employment obviously isn’t for you”.

He’s a fucking unsupportive twat and I hate him.

Sorry but, whilst he was a bit tactless, might your reaction be rooted in the fact that he is actually right?

I expected him to be supportive of me feeling upset and worried, instead of being a defeatist piece of shit who doesn’t help me at all. Just give up then - oh yes, he’d love that wouldn’t he! Twat.

When someone you love is struggling, you’re supposed to help them. Not offer no help at all and just say “well if you can’t do it then just give up”.

Sorry but it sounds like he’s right! Running a business is hard and takes lots of time and dedication.

So if someone is struggling, your solution is to offer zero help or advice and just say “well give up then” ?

He's right though. You need so much resilience when setting up a business

Depends how long you've been at it. If it's been 2 + years that's overly harsh, if it's been less than, I dunno, 3 months , then it's harsh but fair.

But you were the one who said you were going to quit, and that it was pointless!

You told him you were going to quit! Me and DP are very supportive of each other, but neither of us would touch that sort of pity party with a bargepole

People say stuff they don’t mean all the time because they want support. Like when someone says they’re going to kill themselves - since they’ve said it I suppose they should just get on and do it? And you shouldn’t try to talk someone down off a ledge - they’ve said they’re going to jump so obviously life is not for them, right?

No, they generally don't. It's manipulative. And the example you gave about threatening to kill yourself when they don't really mean it - That's abuse.

You sound like you hate his guts and you should be divorced, ngl. Obviously tone is important and he could have said it in a really dismissive or rude way. But how you’re speaking about him is alarming and really not very nice

You were the one who declared that if was all too much for you and that you're quitting, but you've decided that he is a "defeatist piece of shit"? Wow.

Jeesy peeps! Some pretty harsh responses here and your husband was overly blunt as well!
Plenty of people have a bad day at work and say things like "I'm handing my notice in on Monday" or similar.

Do you really feel you've hit the end of the road with your business OP?
Or (as I suspect) just venting a moment of frustration?

@Hazeldeann how long have you been trying, did you give up a job to do this or start it in the side? And exposure never pays the bills.

self employed since 2004 and its constant hard work and have wanted to give in many times.

assess what you need to do and find a tribe of self employed folks for support.

is he self employed and gets the pressure?

Op your husbands right and you dont sound very nice to him either.
You need to get of your high horse and wind your neck in a bit.

Not the way you have done. As other posters have said, it's manipulative.

If you want support you tell him you're really struggling, the reasons why and maybe either ask for his opinion or advice.

100% this its an awful thing to say to anyone when you cant get your own way.

You didn't ask for help or advice though. You told him you were going to quit and he said well maybe you should.

If I want help or advice from DH I will go to him and ask him. Not manipulate him into saying what I want to hear.

Hmmm.
I'm a woman and a wife and my answer would be very similar.
Sorry that you are disappointed, I myself have never been a person to take on the responsibility to start my own business.

If you 'hate' your husband, even for one second, even in a rant to strangers online - then you should get a divorce. And maybe get some help with anger management.

If you hate your husband that much then you have more problems than your business not working. You sound like you detest the guy. Maybe get a divorce.

If my husband said he hates his job and is going to quit I would say 'ok. Probably for the best.', and I would expect him to do the same.
If I wasn't sure I would say 'Blah is stressing me, I spoke to my boss about it and XYZ happened. Do you think I should ask again, or quit, or see if I can swap roles?' That's asking for advice.

If you don't like your husband, get divorced. Owning a business seems hellish, uncertain and a lot of responsibility, it's not for most people, including me.

But what could he offer you that you can't do yourself? What advice can he give if the training courses haven't helped?

If you aren't getting paid jobs are you expecting him to pay all your living costs such as food? If yes then he's already supporting you.

So you expect him to read your mind?

You told him you couldn't do it and you gave up. He supported your decision and gave you some sage advice along with it.

Now you're on the internet calling him a twat. Ironic!

My dh would say the same (makes hrrmphy noise). If you’re always saying it then yes everyone has a point but sometimes you say these things because you just need someone to give you a lovely upbeat motivational speech about not giving up and having this😉 Best of luck op x