Im doing controlled crying and its killing me hearing my baby crying

[ellideb]

Please give me some words of support to carry it through as I would feel cruel to pick him up now after leaving him for 25mins

Babies who self settle at 5 months do it becasue it's part of their personalities. A baby who hasn't settled by half an hour is trying to tell you something. We all need to listen to our babies above advice from books.

CC isn't recommend for babies under a year. Prioritise your attachment, not his capacity for independence please.

Why do you trust this book so much?

I found with my first that i would feed and settle him and put him down, he would sleep for about 20 mins then wake again and i go in and repeat the routine, after a few goes he would finally settle for the night. What im saying is there is no harm in keep going in feeding and settleing, it might become the norm for a few months but that might be preferable to the CC?

Elli - i don't think people are being bitchy. Did you seriously think people would say well done when you said you were leaving a 5 month old to cry it out for 25 minutes?

People have pointed out that this is not recommended and have offered some alternatives.

Of course its up to you what you do but if you've read anything on mn about cc you surely knew what you were posting was controversial.

well ellideb I am sorry if your dp thinks I am bitchy.
but I am not going to sit by if I see someone saying that they are doing something potentially harmful to a 5 month old baby without at least pointing them to some resources that may let them make an INFORMED decision.

plus, you said it's killing you! that to me says that you aren't happy doing it. in which case read the links dittany and I have posted and make an informed decision as to whether you want to do it again.

no one book has all the answers.

I would never leave any of my kids to cry for that long withour checking on them (after finding DD1 had stripped off completely and was freezing cold - she was 18 months though!)

I don't think that sort of cry it out thing works on young babies because there are so many factors which may keep them awake - extra feeds, teething, sore tummy. Why don't you have a cuddle with him and read yourself a book while he settles?

By the way I did CC with noth of mine at 15 months and 12 months respectively and it worked a treat. Up until then I was a feeder, rocker, cuddler to get them to go to sleep.

I didn't try to get mine into any kind of routine until they were at least 2, I fed on demand, had them in slings, coslept, but it just happened naturally that they got into one and it worked for all of us. I had many raised eyebrows, especially my gran who advocated four hour feeds and as little picking up etc as possible, but she saw it worked fine for me.

If a baby is crying it needs its mother.

I think your DP misunderstands our concern. I dont think that supporting a person to continue an aspect of their parenting that makes them feel bad, is actually really supporting them.

There is also a HUGELy common misconception that babies should sleep through very early on, from 7 till 7.

This isnt actually 'normal' for most babies. It's a leftover attitude from the 40s and 50s. Research is still being ongoing wrt to CC, CIO, and cot death, but co-sleeping is considered less of a risk.

I wish you and your baby all the best. x

I really don't think it's helpful to make OP feel bad tbh she was doing what she thought was best for her ds, now we may or may not agree but rather than flame her and accuse her of neglecting her ds I think we should support her and then she will be more willing to take on board other points of view.

This is obviously a trying time for her or maybe she wouldn't have read the book in the first place?

Your baby is too young - your baby will be feeling unsupported right now and insecure.

Please pick him/her up and try again if you want when much older.

Please listen to the advice on this site.

Do you need a break? What reasons do you have for persisting with this ''method''?

Ellideb -

Sorry you feel got at. But is it not telling that even people who have used controlled crying (in it's proper sense) are telling you that a 5 month old baby should not be left to cry it out for 25mins?

TBH any guru/expert/quack/professor/old wife who says that this is a good idea is not worth listening to. Run a mile from such advice. And read the links that have been provided.

I know how knackering it is when your baby cannot self-settle. But it is a skill that is learnt in time and with age. What you are doing is simply making your son feel that when he cries, no one comes. And doing it when he is overtired is not a good idea because you're not starting from a level playing field anyway. Same as if he was ill/teething/hungry.

"I dont think that supporting a person to continue an aspect of their parenting that makes them feel bad, is actually really supporting them."

VVVQV is right here.

Lovemygirls - the OP was feeling bad already, which is why she posted.

I think us parents need to learn trust our instincts more than we do books sometimes.

Our instincts, or mumsnet anyway

oh god pease go pick him up.
ds3 was 5 montrhs old today
he is here with e having a lovely feed
in a minute he will flake out
he will wake many times tonight but nothing i have read aboutCC in the 7 years i have bbeen a mum has persuaded me to do it on my bbies

and believe me i know about sleep deprivation more than the majority......

go get him

why should we support OP in something we feel so strongly is bad for the baby? It's right to support people who struggle, it's right to emphasize- it isn't right to always agree.

25 minutes is a LIFETIME in the life of a 5 month old.

call me bitchy.

I feel awful about leaving him now. I hope I havn't damaged him. God its so hard. It's not my aim to get him to sleep through the night, I just wanted him to sleep.

ellideb - you obviously love and care about your DS, otherwise you wouldn't have posted "it's killing me hearing my baby crying". People are just very concerned that you haven't made an informed decision will full knowledge of all the facts, pros and cons.

The reason people think this is because you are doing "CC" on the advice of ONE book.

Please read up on the subject, CC and CIO are controversial for a reason, hence the 70+ posts in half an hour. You are the parent and it's entirely your decision if you want to do CC / CIO on such a young baby, but please make sure it's a fully informed decision.