Im doing controlled crying and its killing me hearing my baby crying

[ellideb]

Please give me some words of support to carry it through as I would feel cruel to pick him up now after leaving him for 25mins

This is not cc. Cc was effective for me and dd, but it most certainly did not involve leaving her to cry until she stopped, however long that may have been.

The most important thing in making cc work, is that you have to be 100% on board with it. If you're not committed to it, you will always stuggle.

How old is your ds?

25 mins? That isn't controlled crying. The control isn't about the parents cointrolling themselves from going back in. Regardless of their age.

Always beware of baby advice from

a) a male
b) people who have no biological kids of their own

shit that's awful...

I don't have a problem with CC for babies old enough (it was the only thing that worked for DS) but I did the method where you go in to them every few minutes. That way DS knew I hadn't been eaten by monsters. Maybe you could try that way first?

no-one recommends cc on a baby under 6 months at least.

read dittany's link. please

By fishie on Wed 11-Feb-09 19:05:00
i wouldn't do anything called 'extinction' to a baby.

LOL (and ITA)

I give him a warm bath, a massage, play a mobile, sing him a lullaby, give him a breast feed and hold him until he is sleepy then put him down with a soft blanket and a dummy and usually it works but tonight he is overtired.

Honestly, even the people who believe in controlled crying don;t think it's suitable for babies under a year. PLEASE go and pick him up - he needs you!

5 months sounds very young to me, but at the end of the day, he is your son and it is your choice.

Have you looked into cc? It involves leaving hem for a few minutes, then goining in to settle them and leaving again, gradually building up the amount of time between you going in. Dd was settling herself after 3 nights - however she was 10 months at the time.

Hes still tiny. I was thinking 18 mths or so which is when I reached tether end.

good article here

CC is always an emotive subject but as others have said what you're doing isn't CC.

I really think 5 months is too young to leave a baby crying for 25 mins - how long are you going to leave the baby before you pick him up?

I'm sorry not to be more supportive but babies do in my experience learn to settle themselves but not just when they're so little unless you're very lucky.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do - am guessing you're having a hard time of it and this is why you're giving this a go.

How old is your child?

If you need help or advice please ask for it as there are planty of people on here who can help.

You're feeling bad for a reason. The most important thing for young children is having a secure attachment to their caregivers. I know its hard but leaving kids to cry it out generally only leaves them more insecure and needy, not less.

Please lets not flame her people. This is a support site.

I know it sounds horrible and I feel horrible but I really trust this books advice. He has gone to sleep now. Thank goodness for that I don't think I could have held out much more.

If he is overtired, can you rock him-if this isnt the norm for him then perhaps a little indulgence might help?

CC is very effective tho i have found, but only when mine were older.

?The key is cell death,? Sunderland says. ?Persistent child distress can lead to enduring changes in the autonomic nervous system and alters the responsiveness of the child to stress in the future. Using controlled-crying techniques might seem to work, but we know that around the age of one, children start to be able to ?bottle up? their distress. I?m not saying don?t use these techniques, but I am saying that parents need to be aware of the cost. And there is a cost.?

Some babies take longer to learn to settle themselves, in the same way that some babies take longer to learn to crawl, to walk, to talk etc. All babies have different characters too. Some are more chilled, and some arent. An anxious child wont stop being anxious because you stop attending to them. An anxious child wants reassurance.

In the meantime, there is absolutely NO harm in going in and cuddling/reassuring him etc. I'm not suggesting you take him out of his room, but lay with him. This isnt making you or him feel good. He's still just a bundle of instincts.

If it doesnt feel good to you - it's not.

Elli - why not give him another quick feed and then put him down? He'll be thirsty and hot if he's been crying for that long.

DS1 settled himself by about 3 months - ds2 was more like 8 months. Same routine but just different babies.

eva lillian

sue gerhardt

i strongly suggest you read some of these before you do this again.

poor little boy

OK, now you've got some quiet time it would be well worth reading Dittany and thisisyesterday's links.

the kind of brain that each baby develops is the brain that comes out of his or her experiences with other people. Love facilitates a massive burst of connections in this part of the brain between six and 12 months. Neglect at this time can greatly reduce the development of the pre-frontal cortex.

Early care also establishes the way we deal with stress. Babies rely on their carers to soothe distress and restore equilibrium. With responsive parents, the stress response, a complex chain of biochemical reactions, remains an emergency response. However, being with caregivers who convey hostility or resentment at a baby's needs, or who ignore their baby or leave him in a state of distress for longer than he can bear, will make a baby's stress response over-sensitive.

And to a few peoples posts, thanx for the support , DP thinks that a some of your comments are bitchy.

I've never done CC with a child so young so can't say but maybe bf him again then re-settle, maybe he's still hungry, growth spurt or something?