Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Amazing occurrence! - just popping in to say DD slpet from 8.30 to 5am without waking once! I'm breathless with excitement but know it will not happen tonight. Do you know? I think she's been cold. We put an extra pair of trpusers on under her grobag. Probably not the cause.

Wow! Did you get your sleep, or like me did you keep expecting her to wake?

We had the opposite last night - woke after 4.5 hours then another 3, and awake at 5.30. He might have been cold too, because we didn't put his vest on, thinking he was a bit warm the night before. The vest is definitely going back on tonight!

He's just done down for his nap after going swimming / around town, so we're hopeful for a nice long one like last week.

NO. I kept waking up thinking, 'Wow! She's asleep.'

Sorry last night wasn't good.

I was trying to do edxactly the same today about naps and eating, but she fell asleep in the pram for the - first time ever! - at the wrong time. Oh well. I'm not expecting the same thing to happen tonight.

Yesterday she had a long afternoon sleep and a short morning one. I don't know if this helped.

Positive side: I put her down awakeish and she went to sleep.

Negative side: teething is back and we had another allnighter.

What did I say?

hello!

Latrucha, great news about fri night, shame you didn't get 2 in a row but as you say, it gives hope to know they can do it!

we'd been down to about 3 wakings, and ds had been going from 7.30ish to 1ish which is a big improvement but yesterday naps, feeds, everything went out of kilter and he wouldn't eat ant (solids) tea which i think has been starting to help with sleep duration...

so backwards again last night. lots of waking, lots of feeding, in our bed from 4.30 am knackered.....

just when i thought we were making teeny tiny baby steps in the right direction!

he's just woken up from first nap, took a while to get him down but went for hearly an hour, i think...

chairmum, did you have a better night?

does anyone else find that lots of people seem to think its mum's fault if baby isn't sleeping brilliantly? or is it just me?

xx

We had an ok night but a bad morning IYSWIM

Since his long sleep, he's been consistently waking at 5.30am. This morning we left him to cry till 6, but he had been sleeping till 6.30 - 7am :-/

He did 2 wakings (which I'm happy with) plus a bit of a cry around an hour after bedtime.

However, after the 6am nappy change (practically dry nappy at both feeds, (11.30 and 3ish) soaking wet at 6 ) I gave him a bit of a feed in bed then DH took him for a walk, brought him back for nap time then we all had a nice sleep for another hour and a half or so, which helped.

Sorry about the early wakings Chairmum. We get those too.

She just went down sleepy but awake again! Hooray! Let's see what the night brings. Hope you all get good ones.

went for bath just before 6.30 - yes that is OVER 2 HOURS ago and I only just got him settled.

For some reason he yelled like a crazy person every time I put him down... wanted to sleep vertically, being cuddled... tried sitting with my hand on him, shushing, everything, but even dp who is tougher than I am came up and said he could see that he was never gonna settle while screaming like that!

so after yet another feed he finally went down, was a bit twitchy but i think/hope he is now asleep..

I need a glass of wine!

ps yay for you latrucha! sorry my grumpiness made me miss that you managed sleepy but awake again!

Drink your wine, girl. It's so frazzling. We had one evening where we bathed her at 6 and were still trying to get her to sleep at midnight! I felt shell-shocked.

yeah we've had that before too.... have even resorted to the pushvhair on a couple of really crazy nights. guess in comparison tonight wasn't so bad, its just everytime i think things are going better it seems to unravel..

mmm wine good

that would be a 'pushchair' i am not speaking russian...

yup, chunky. As fas as I can see, that would be babies! And sometimes, it suddenly gets better for little apparent reason. DD was being a very whingey baby last week, this week she's fine! No real difference in treatment.

Bleurgh.

First off, well done with your little victories. We still don't manage to put DS down awake so that's great!

Chunky - a friend put her baby in the pushchair to sleep for about a fortnight earlier in the year when it was very hot!

Went to bed at 7 myself, managed to doze till nearly 10 when DH came to bed and DS woke up. I think the 2 are perhaps connected. Then I couldn't sleep for another hour and a half

Woke up again at about 12.30 or so - DH checked him, did his nappy, but still cried for half an hour including nappy etc. DH then prodded me until I fed him. I was too exhausted to move but got up and fed him. Finally back to bed around 1.30

Woke again at around 4.30 or so. Fed again because I didn't want him to wake at 5.30. Was nearly 5 by the time I went back to bed and so when he started grumbling I went back to get him and plonked him between us where he slept till half 6. Had a half arsed feed before being taken away by DH for a walk.

I'm feeling crap about all this at the moment, because even though I know I have 4 evening hours that I didn't have before, I'm no less tired - not least because I seem to have post-feed insomnia
Also feeling like DH is not supporting me - or at least only when DS is going back to sleep within 10-20 minutes. We chose a course and stuck to it for a while, but as its not working as quickly as hoped (he was happier for longer crying early on) he's backtracking, and isn't willing to do alternative methods of settling - he just kicks me out of bed to feed - which I feel isn't helping things when he's not actually that hungry. I feel bad enough about leaving DS to cry, but it makes things much worse when DH makes me feel like a bad mummy for wanting to leave him for a bit longer. (well to stick to the original plan and leave him when we know he's not hot, cold or wet and has had a good feed in the last few hours)

He didn't eat well at any of the feeds, so that just makes it all worse. I feel like its just all going downhill. To top it all of I'm feeling a bit aimless so we're planning for me to go back to work - which won't work if I'm still shattered.

Errm.. rant over for the moment. I hope you all had a better night than me.

well I didn't.and he is refusing pointblank to nap today as well.seriously miserable (me not him,he's chirpy just won't sleep) and feel like I'm losing the plot.

He wants to feed ALL THE TIME both day and night.have started to think must be growth spurt,god knows I need a reason right now (other than crap parenting)

I know there is an 8 month one,think so anyway.he's usually early and is 7.5 now, could it be that? Am fed up.feel for you chairmum,hope today better x

Chunky - everyone has days like that. It's only one nap, and if it becomes two, it's only two. He could be teething. DD was a nightmare when that happened. Or she may just be feeling out of sorts. I got into a bind of constantly trying to put her to sleep. Maybe get him up and play with him absolutely manically and then take hime for a walk. Maybe at next scheduled nap time whether he has a snooze between then and now or not.

Chairmum - it's like that, sin't it. Again, maybe teething. maybe finding a way round you. Anyhow, I think what babies need constantly changes. Usually when you think you knopw what thE RULES ARE. IN my VAST esperience this seems completely noprmal. Time for a reassessment? MAybe get DH to get him back to sleep for a few nights so he gets out of the habit of bf. Serve DH right anyway! We're going to try it soon. Sorry you're having a tough day.

Hi there

New to this post but it sounds just like my ds!
I know he's not so bad with his naps during the day, will go to sleep with some gentle persuasion or feeding but the last two nights we have had meltdown! He was up at 4am this morning where he was convinced it was playtime and me and poor dh were positively exhauseted and i do admit to wanting to walk out of the room after being kicked all night by ds!

Anyway i'm going to buy the HSHHC book and see what its all about....can't hurt can it!!!!

I hope we sleep better tonight!

Think we might be in for a bad one. One wakeup already with that screaming awful cry that means he's uncomfortable. Fed him back to sleep and opened his window cos he seemed a bit warm. We'll see how it goes

Oh, and welcome Shomes!

DS clearly got the message that mummy wasn't happy yesterday, so last night woke at midnight and 4 then woke for the day at 6 when DH took him out for a walk after a quick slurp!

yay! (slept till 8 so had a total of around 8.5 hours sleep!)

Hee hee, i think my ds got that message too! By 8pm last night I was falling over with lack of sleep, he finally fed to sleep and i had to get my pj's on and glasses on without disturbing him( still latched on i hasten to add) once put him down he slept til 11:30 then til 2 and then squirmed until six but better than the two previous nights..lets just hope that it carries on

Feels like swings and roundabouts here still, though really it is better and I just have less patience!

Dd is going easily to bed at 7.30 most nights and waking around 1 and 4 for feeds. That would be fine if she would settle back after 4 but she gets into a dozing feeding phase which is driving me nuts now.

Oh! These mummies! Give them an inch and they take a mile!

LaTrucha - I know what you mean - A couple of months ago I would have killed for what DS is doing now, but now I'm still tired, and still wanting more! (although when he does just 2 wakeups and I don't have stupid insommnia I feel fine!)

Ah well. we're going camping tonight so we have no hope of any routine, and it may take us a while to get back to "normal"

Well another bad night last night, i can't wait for this cot to arrive so i can have my bed back1 He just does not sleep properly with me as dh takes up most of the bed and we are squished in the corner!! Oh well lets hope then i can establish a proper routine and maybe get some proper sleep!!!

A bit of an up and down time here. About 3 weeks ago we had a week of sleeping from 7 to 7 with a 10:30 dream feed. I thought I had died and gone to heaven!! Then we had 3 nights of HELLLLLLLLLLLLL. Woke up at 3am and wouldn't go back to sleep until 6am the first night. Second and third nights not as bad but still pretty awful.

Slowly things got better and then we had three wonderful nights of 7 to 7 with no dream feed. Seriously! And then Sunday night we woke up at 1:45 and wouldn't go back to sleep until 4:30. So that was the end of the bank holiday - both DH and I were zombies. Again, things are slowly getting better - last night she wouldn't go to bed but DH got her down by 8:30pm in the end. Woke at 11 for a feed and then at 5am. She had the mutters after the 5am feed but I did persuade her to go back to bed until 7:30. And today we have managed two naps which is very good for her.

I've got the HSHHC book from Peachsmuggler (thank you again!) and have read that. Despite DD's antics I still don't think I wanted to let her cry it out. But I have taken his point on naps and a few other bits.

Anyway, I can hear the latest nap just ended so must start the busy dinner time, bath time bit.
Hope everyone has a good night!!!