Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

It gets a bit of a wrangle sometimes,doesn't it chairmum. HEre, especially now we're back on three naps. It feels like such a bind sometimes.

Dd not gone down so early tonight - maybe because I wasn't here for bath etc (went adult swimming for the first time since her birth!). And now DH is trying to put her to bed himself. WE SHALL SEE!

Not a bad night last night. He still woke up a good hour before he was due a feed, but just grumbled for a bit really instead of crying. Hopefully he'll start to settle himself off to sleep instead soon

How long do you guys all spend resettling your DCs during the night. I seem to give up after about 30 mins and bring dd into bed. Am I just being lazy? Is that why I am still struggling and you all seem to be making progress?

I'd give up if it took me 30 minutes to settle DS!

If I feed him, he goes straight back to sleep. If not, I leave him to cry. This now is generally either 10-20 minutes of on-off, not very enthusiastic grizzling, or 5 minutes of crying. Of course if we check on him (which we do if we haven't been in the room recently) that adds a few more minutes of angry cry as if to say "heh, parent, I saw you, COME BACK HERE!!"

I do think you need to be consistent though - the stuff I've read says it can take a long time to resettle them without feeding, but that it will gradually get shorter... Of course that's easier said than done at 2am, hence us going for an alternative route!

Mmm - I cheat. I feed dd back to sleep in bed and then put her into the cot. She accepts it most times, even if she knows what's happening. I just can't hack sitting up with her.

DH DID manage to put her to sleep last night which is fab, although I did have a stupid feeling that he'd trod on my territory. Can you believe how stupid? She did wake a lot last night because she hadn't eaten much in the day though.

No, the 30 mins includes feeding her back to sleep, (she always has v short feeds) but then she sometimes wakes when going into the cot, or she might go in and then wake 5 mins later. The great PUPD training session begins next Thursday. Quite excited to see if it makes a difference!!!

It did to us. Are you going to go without bf at bedtime?

LaTrucha - do you mean stopping before DC is asleep or not feeding at all. I would guess not feeding straight before bed is just asking for a quick wakeup!

DS did his new thing tonight of basically crying till I get downstairs. I turn the monitor on and almost immediately, he's quiet!

hello still can't keep up... managed a post on another thread and am knackered now! thanks for the welcome latrucha and peachsmuggler, and hope all are doing ok, i haven't read latest posts properly!!!!

oh peachsmuggler, don't mind what you call me just changed from chunkypudding as am sooo not chunky after endless bf and no sleep.

xx

lucky you Chunky! I'm bf, no sleep and still chunky!

I suppose I meant stopping before he's asleep, chairmum.

Don't knw what's going on with DD tonight. Inconsolable crying! DH is with her, phew!

Sorry to but in so late Chair but your story is mirror image to a close friend of mine. She has recently had to take drastic action to save her marriage and sanity. In 4 days she moved bubs into her own room, controled cried with daddy only doing the dummy in patting back to sleep, walking away not picking up approach etc and whilst it was avery tough 4 days she has cracked it!! I think if she was being honest she would admit she was a big part of the problem not bubs, she hadn't taught bubs to settle and like all things babies learn they have to learn the life skill of sleep. Think about what your baby NEEDS not what you need to give, does that sound harsh?? Didn't want it to sound so!

bluejellybean - I know what you mean. Although - as I've said before - I wouldn't do anything different for the first 3-4 months, during that time he started improving himself, and I really should have taken that opportunity to start teaching him to settle himself - using the gentle methods!

Anyway, we left him to cry at his wakeups for the last 2 nights (apart from 2 feeds) - crying first night, grizzling second night, and last night - NOT A PEEP!!!
Slept 6 till midnight with not a single sound, then 12.30 (feed and nappy change) till 4.20!

He had to be woken at 7 and is in a great and cheery mood. I don't dare hope we're fixed permanently, but I'm hoping we've cracked it till the next cold/bout of teething!

The rest of you, keep going!

I will bf and she will probably fall asleep but will wake as soon as I put her in cot so will then have to start the PUPD from there. Do you think it would be better to feed her before and try to put her in her cot awake but calm and then wait till she starts crying before starting PUPD???
Very good work Charimum, sounds like he's really getting the hang of it!!!

We put her in her cot asleep and do PUPD if she awakes. The theory is you then progress to outting her down sleepy but awake. DD will sometimes do this - especially for DH. She is a lot calmer now if she wakes and sfinds herself in the cot and will often go off if we give her a cuddle while still in the cot. She CAN get herself back to sleep if she wakes in the night if she wants to - we've seen her do it. I guess she just doesn't want to!

Ahhh, maybe I should do that then. Was thinking of doing it at the first put down of the night and then just feeding her back to sleep durint the night, as she often goes back in the cot asleep fairly easily then, but is that just going to confuse her? Is it best to do PUPD when she wakes during the night, unless it is a time that you have designated as time for a feed? I don't even know how often that would be as difficult to read cue in hazy depths of night. The No Cry Sleep Solution suggests the first put down of the night is the most important which was why I was thinking we should do PUPD then, however am sure Elizabeth Pantley wouldn't advocate PUPD at all so maybe I am just mixing my methods there. So confusing!!!

My method is completely mixed. I feed to sleep or very, very sleepy. Then put her in the cot. If she wakes/cries I do pick up put down. Quite often she is asleep when I do the 'put her down' bit.

Sabela would just scream all night if I did PUPD straight, I'm sure. And we also wanted her to get to like her cot, whichshe hated and this contributed to our mixed method.

If I thought it would work with her i.e. in an ideal world I would do exactly the wasy Pantley describes. In fact that's what I intended to do but have never got round to it. Maybe whya we haven't made more progress? I'm just too lazy to do it. I meant not to feed her in bed but I do.

I think I would do it the way you describe, too. First time asleep with the PUPD, feedign the other times.

hmmm. I think I need to think it through and come up with a plan with DP before we start oterwise I'm going to lose track! I think mine would scream all night if I did PUPD straight.... Anyway, to last night. After an evening of feeding on/off almost continuously on my lap, I took through DD at 10ish asleep. Predictably she woke up as soon as she hit the matress so DP took her to the other bedroom and rocked her to sleep. Took surprisingly short time and he cot her into the cot at 10.30. Decided that I would rock her each time she woke and only feed every 3 hours. Sooooo, she woke at 11.30, rocked and back down in 5 mins. woke at 12, rocked and back down in 30 mins. woke at 1.30, fed and rocked and back down in 10 mins. woke at 3.30, rocked and then fed at 5 and rocked and back down at 5.30. woke at 6.30 and into bed with me till 8.30. Hmmm, doesn't really seem like an improvement, but felt like it, despite the lack of sleep. Actually knowing that I can get her back down without feeding sometimes feels positive. We'll see what happens tonight!

That's great Peach. Fab that you could get her down without feeding. Can I tell you what happened when I did that? It worked brilliantly for two nights but she started resisting. On the positive side she still has dropped most unnecessary wakings until 5am (not counting feeds at 1 and 4). On the negative side, if I try and rock her at night now, she wails.

I think the plan you had there sounded like a good one.

DH, I have discovered, can get the baby to sleep if she goes into the cot awake. I CANNOT, unless she is very sleepy. So, officially, she can go to sleep by herself. YAY! I'm a tiny bit jealous of DH. Stupid, eh? I should be grateful.

Hurrah! That is great news. I'm sure if your DH can do it, then it won't be long till you can too!

Oh and by the way, she is wailing when I rock her, and gouging at my face with her nails, which I have filed this morning!!! Her nails, not my face

peachsmuggler - sounds like hard work, but well done you! I guess that's a form of gradual withdrawl - first no boob except for feeds, then you can work from rocking to patting or whatever

We didn't have a great night last night. 3 short wakings at 8, 3ish and 5.30ish but I ignored them all and he went straight back to sleep. Not as good as last night though (also 2 feeds at 11.50 and 3.30ish)

I'm finding things very patchy here to (although you're in much better shape Cahirmum). Have you any plans for cutting down on remaining wakings?

When we were doing the first run on improving his sleep I was aiming for one waking, but now he's feeding at midnight and 4ish, he seems to feed pretty well both times, so we'll stick to them for the moment.

I hope he'll continue to do this, and drop one of them of his own accord!

We've had a bizarre day today where DS went from 6.30 when he woke up through to about 3.30 without a nap - he spent part of the day with his auntie, and neither of us could get him to sleep. He didn't seem bothered about it by until evening either. Of course after his late nap he was grumpy, ate hardly any dinner and was a right little grumpy baby for his bedtime routine. Thankfully he's asleep now and lucky me gets to go and make dinner :-/

We've just had the most bizarre 24 hours. Could not get him to nap yesterday until 3.30pm! (SIL had him between 11 and 3 while I was at work). Had a nap when I got him home but woke up even grumpier.

Was in bed by 6 but not a sound from him until 2.30!!!!! 8 and a half solid hours sleep! Of course I didn't change his nappy thinking he wouldn't need it if he was only going to have one feed, then he woke up and grumbled from 5 till 5.30 so DH did his nappy, and yes, it was soaked!

He's been awake since then so I put him down for his nap around 8 - went to sleep at ten past (on me) and at half past, he's already awake! I've left him in his cot as he seems quite happy there (his gurgling alerted me to the fact he was awake) and am not sure what to do now!

Arrgh!! Unpredictable baby anyone?!

Babies are crazy, no? We co-slept last night as after 2 wakings could hardly stand, never mind rock DD to sleep. She was still asleep when I got up this morning and has only just woken!!!

Totally unpredictable her too. I think it's that which I find difficult. If I knew when I would be waking it might be better but at the moment it's different each night.