Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Feeling ok after last night. Wrote down my timings (and left them at home ) but basically he only fed twice, and each time we left him to cry (for the wakings in between - I fed if he'd been at least 4 hours between feeds), he cried less (not necessarily duration wise, but the crying was much less frantic and more sporadic!)

He clearly still loves me today and we've moved his cot into his own room ready for tonight. I know I said I didn't want to but I'm spending all night listening for him to wake up, and I don't want to be doing that now. I feel like I want to get all the upheaval done at once. We'll see how it goes.

Despite having had 5 hours sleep and being at work this afternoon, I'm feeling very positive about it all. Strange really. What helps is that everyone I've talked to has been really supportive!

Anyway, I now need to do some sleep training for myself. They only time I could fall asleep was after I had fed DS!

I really can't believe this. Not only has he napped (for a total of about 2 hours, without much persuasion, even if it wasn't at exactly the right time) he's now gone to bed with no major crying. (Asleep since 6.32!)

8 minutes of on/off crying/grumbling and not a peep since. I'm in shock and just waiting for him to wake up now. We're going to continue with feeding at any wakeups more than 4 hours after he fed, and checking but leaving him for the rest of them.

Now I have to try to teach myself to sleep without those lovely hormones again. I am trying wine as a substitute!

Also, happy 7th wedding anniversary me!

Happy anniversary! I'm going to have to go back through this thread and see how you did iit. We're going home tomorrow and I really want to crack it. I'm so tired. I know you know what I mean but hopefully it will be but a distant memory for you soon!

He's just gone through till 10 - close enough for a feed and a nappy change!

Its a bit wierd having him in another room, but I did manage to fall asleep so I can't be that worried!

Hi all, haven't been on mn for a while, but reading this with interst, as my dd co-sleeps and wakes often. She is coming up for 9 mo. A friend just lent me ncss, didn't realise there was much I could do to encourage sleep whilst co-sleeping. We are in a 1 bed flat, due to extortionate house prices in the SE, and so bed side cot seemed the only solution. Not sure what to do next, dd was sleeping for 8 hours when she was 3mo, now at 9mo she wakes every 2hours on an average night I think, though I have stopped looking at the clock and most mornings am unsure how many times she has woken up. I feel better now we are co-sleeping, I found getting out of bed more than twice a night impossible. Mostly I don't mind her night waking too much, though it would be nice to have more sleep, but she is such a pain when she doesn't get enough daytime sleep. Not really sure what I want tbh, except of course more sleep, speaking of which I'm off to bed

Wonderstuff - I felt like that a few weeks ago - I was a bit tired and wanted some more sleep, but ok. It went downhill for me though - I hope it doesn't for you!

Anyway, letting him cry has been a saviour. We moved him into his own room last night, and we didn't have any trouble whatsoever! Sleep at 6.30, up at 10 for nappy and feed, a bit of a grumble sometime between then and 2 (not sure how long for - can't have been long because we both went back to sleep!) and then awake for a feed at about 5 past 2. Then straight through till about 20 to seven (he probably stirred when he heard us going to the loo etc).

It was amazing! And I didn't spend the whole night waiting for him to wake up. I slept from about 9-10, then straight back to sleep after each feed. The most sleep I've had in months.

This morning DS woke up so so happy. Let DH do his nappy with smiles, then came in for his feed, and spent half the time giggling at me. Now today we'll see if this follows through to the naps!

wow! That's great news. You must feel brilliant! We had quite a poor night, with waking every hour or two. Ended up bringing her into bed at 4.30 and she slept through till 7.30 when I had to wake her as trying to get up at same time every day to get the naps right. She is asleep in cot just now. Just about to come up to magical 45 minutes awakening so getting ready to leap in there if/when she wakes!!! Weather is horrid today so good day for staying in and trying to nap train!!!

I'm not caught up on my sleep yet, and I'm prepared for a bad night or few somewhere along the road (can't be this easy!) but it feels like we've cracked it!

We're doing the same on the nap training front - nasty weather! We're having trouble passing the magic 45 minutes in the morning - need to read up to decide what to do to try to get him to sleep longer. Although when I did his nappy it was quite wet so I think doing a nappy before a nap might be a good plan as that probably annoyed him

Yes as predicted, she woke up on 45 mins exactly!!! Tried for a while to get her back down by rocking but no joy. Left her in her cot for a bit as she was just gurgling but she started crying so gave up. Yes I would like to know some tactics for getting over the 45 minute nap. Was going to go in ans wait by the cot so at the very first stirring I could try and soothe her but was worried that this in itself would wake her. Does the 45 minute thing go away at a certain age then, does anyone know, or do they jsut learn to get themselves back to sleep???

peachsmuggler, I think our DDs are of a similar age and mine is utterly predictable when it comes to the 45 minute limit! I'm just hoping she'll get over it eventually because resettling her is becoming more and more tiresome for both me and DH. The only time she sleeps longer is when she's lying next to me which is not necessarily the right approach! I'm considering trying pu/pd soon and hope that will help.

Chairmum, I am chuffed for you! Feels like we've all been on this journey with you and it gives us all hope that changes can be made! Well done.

Ahh nap time! (He fell asleep feeding and stayed that way when I put him down so we'll see how that affects things)

I feel like I've been through this with you lot too - it helped, especially when nobody judged me for letting him cry the first time.

I just can't get over how well - and quickly - it has worked. Of course tonight I might be eating my words, but we'll see!

fingers crossed for tonight chairmum, lets hope that corner has been turned

dd fed till she was sick last night/this morning. went to baby clinic this am and shes on the 95th!! So i'm guessing shes mainly feeding for comfort, not hunger. Finally napped at about 11am, dispite rubbing eyes at 8.30, only to be woken by postman delivering nothing but junk mail

By the way, if you're interested, this is what happened in our first 3 nights.

Night one: Left to cry for 20 minutes then did CC for another 25. Afterwards went back to normal routine of feeding at every wakeup

Night two:
~35 minutes crying - asleep at 6.20
Woke 7.20 and cried for 20 minutes
woke 10pm - fed to sleep, no crying
woke 12:20 - nappy change then back down. Cried for 5 mins, had a rest, cried for 5 more then grumbled for 25 minutes
woke around 2, fed to sleep
woke around 5 and grumbled (with the odd short cry) on and off until 6.20, when he fed and woke up very cheery!

Night three
Moved into own room (previously in bedside cot/our bed)
Asleep at 6.30 with 8! minutes grumbling
Woke at 10 for feed
Woke at around 1 and did the odd cry. wasn't very loud because I fell asleep again
Woke at 2.05 and fed again
Woke at 6.30ish ready for the day.

Regarding naps, HSHHC says (paraphrasing)

If the nap is substantially less than 30 minutes:

• try to soothe the baby back to sleep or leave them to cry if that is what you're doing

If the nap is more than 30 minutes:

• either try to soothe/leave to cry or get them up

He says with some babies it can help to comfort them at the first sign of stirring, but that it can also make things worse.

As we're trying the crying thing, DS is currently, after 35 minutes sleep, having a good grumble in his cot.

Congrats ChairmumMiaow! You have done so well and the progress you have made is brilliant in such a short time. I think if you stay consistent from now on it will only get better.

With regards to the 45 mins I have found just leaving her to be the best solution. Usually if I go in to try and rock her back off to sleep she ends up just wanting my company and to play.

Also definite nappy change and feed before all naps is a good idea. It means your not worried after 45 mins that they might be a bit hungry or have a wet nappy so you can feel a bit less guilty about leaving them to go back to sleep.

dd has not had a nap since 10.30 this morning. Was supposed to have her 2nd about 12.30 and i got her to sleep on the bed but then had to get up as my friend was coming round and of course she woke up. Was then asleep on shoulder about 2.30 but when I tried to put her in her cot she woke up. She is now rolling around on the floor with all her toys and I just know it will be a bad night. Do you think for the first week or so of this nap training, you really need to stay home, not have anyone round, and just concentrate on that. I am out and about most days and I find if I don't go out I get a bit stir crazy, but then I suppose something's got to give....

I know it can be difficult peachsmuggler as you feel like you are stuck in doors all the time but it is sooooooo worth it in the long run.

Why don't you plan to get out to the shops or whatever for an hour as soon as she wakes from a nap. It's good for her as well as it gives her plenty of stimulation which should help her sleep. It also clearly defines wakeful times and sleep times. You do need to stick to the schedule though so try and explain to friends and family what you are doing so they don't turn up unexpectedly (like my inlaws always manage to do!)

It is hard but stick with it and things will soon improve

I've struggled with naps today. I've left him to cry after waking up too soon but he's still going at the half hour so I've got him up. Somehow when the crying is for nothing it feels 100 times worse

Have been doing the afternoon nap at 12 - 12.30 start but I've come to the conclusion that's too early if he's waking so soon so may try later tomorrow.

At the moment he's sleeping on me which is probably ok time wise so long as i get him up soon. Also I guess if I do bath at 6 as usual he may be awake enough for a massage...

Just had 1 hour and 20 min nap together, which was lovely and woke at 5, so here's hoping for a 7pm bedtime! Do you think a week of naps at home would be enough to get her into a good routine and then maybe she can have some naps in pram etc or will that ruin everything??? Good luck tonight Chairmum by the way!

peachsmuggler: thanks for the wishes. DS is having his bath now then we'll see how it goes.

As for naps, I'm hoping that sticking to at least one nap at home per day on normal days will be enough in the long run. I like to be out and about a lot and am going to have to compromise between my sanity and DS's naps!.

Today I stayed home to try to get DS to nap and none of the naps went to plan - I found it very frustrating and wondered why I hadn't just gone out - he naps beatifully (if for short periods) in the sling!

Good luck to the rest of you who are trying other things!

Off in 7 minutes.

Now I have wine and a book, then I shall go to sleep, hoping we have another good one!

And awake at about 7.40 :-(
I fed him because I wasn't sure how well he'd fed earlier, now its no boob till 10!

must be strong

Hope you has a better night Chairmum! Ours was not too bad. Well as usual, good night, but bad evening. Down at 7.15, awake 45 mins later (of course!) then her DP tried for an hour to get her down and she wasn't having any of it. Didn't get her to sleep till 10.45! Tried to transfer her to cot when we went to bed at 12 so fed and back down. Awake at 2.45 and 5.10 and straight back down after quick feed. Up at 7.10 and into bed for another 30 mins doze. Going do naps at home when possible this week and really go for it next week as don't have any plans. Same with you though, I think I will end up going out maybe for 1 nap each day in the pram otherwise I will go mental!!!

Oooh, HSHSC has just arrived and I see there is an endorsement on the front from Cindy Crawford. Well if it's good enough for Cindy! . Will get stuck in immediately!!!

10 should have read 12. We had a few grumbles at 11, then a reasonable feed at 12, another at around 4 and we had to wake him at 7 (opened the curtains and stomped around a bit) so things were pretty good.

In other news my dog was hit by a car today and had to be put down so we dealt with that and drove to DH's mother's farm to bury him. Naps have been short and in the car (4 lots of 20-35 minutes so far!) and we've all been a bit sad.

DS is going to miss that strange ginger thing that tries to avoid him