Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Thanks Chairmum. Do you mind me asking how you feel about it now? I think I have the cahones to do it now that DS is bigger and clearly understands that we exist when out of the room etc, but don't want to regret it later. I re-read your earlier posts while you were trying it (and my own to see how far we've come) and you seemed ok with it and perhaps would have continued with it a bit more if DH had had more faith in it. Am I reading that right?

Chairmum - glad ypu got good sleep! and the nap too I hope.

takingit - did you consider CC? sorry, can't remember.

Things still going good here. Actually am feeling human. Although a nap soumds like a good idea her too

Things are back to dreadful here, she's waking every two hours, sometimes more. She does have a stinking cold which can't be helping but I just feel like things are never going to improve. So, so tired. And I'm a bit panicky as I'm going back to work in less than 2 months and there is no way I'll be able to cope on the amount of sleep I'm getting now.

Remind me Picc - what were you trying?

takingit - my recollection is already getting a bit fuzzy, but I'm glad now we didn't keep going longer than we did.

My general 'with hindsight' view is that I am glad we did it as it made such a difference to us all and enabled us to get where we are now, but that I wish I hadn't been so tired that I had had to. I certainly don't think it damaged DS at all - he's only recently started getting seperation anxiety and we don't really leave him to cry now. Its not something I would do in the long term - if there were absolutely no effects after 2-3 nights I'd think there was something else going on.

It also made me much more confident about leaving him to cry at bedtime to settle himself. Last night he ate so much tea he was stuffed and couldn't BF himself to sleep as every time the milk started flowing he pulled off! He would settle on my chest then every few minutes his head would pop up and he'd grin. I knew I wasn't helping him to sleep so I put him in his cot, and 2 minutes later we had quiet!

Anyway, I'd definitely try CC first. I know some babies settle when you come back to check them - DS just didn't.

Last night we had another great night. Sleep at 6, feed at around 2.30 and up at 6.30!!! He did stay awake for a while after his feed but just burbled in his sleep (he kept DH awake, not me!)

picallili - 2 months is a long time for a baby, particularly between 6 months and a year - which is what we seem to have here!

I'd just do what you have to to get through this cold, then think about sleep training etc afterwards. No point fighting everything at once, particularly when your DC might have a real reason for waking!

We're doing cc for bedtime and if she wakes before 10:30, after that I generally take her into bed and feed her to sleep whenever necessary if a quick pat/shush isn't doing the trick. I am trying to ensure she gets enough sleep during the day as well by whatever means necessary and we're enforcing a strict 6 p.m. bathtime so she isn't overtired and takes a good feed. Once she's over her cold I think we'll try a quick feed at 10:30 then back in her cot and cc if necessary to get her to re-settle as we were making limited progress with this pre-cold. The cold has also messed up the very limited progress we were making with solids and she's back to eating nothing at all now. I feel like possibly the most useless parent on the planet just now.

picallili - when DS was ill a few weeks ago, he went from stuffing his face at at least 2 meals a day (breakfast is touch and go as if he's slept well he gets a full feed at wakeup and then won't want breakfast for a good while) to BM only for about a week! (I lost a few pounds too!)

It does feel rubbish but it will pass!

Sounds like a plan Picc. I think you do have to let the cold pass. Don't worry about the food. They eat more, they eat less. It evens out. Although I did freak when DD stopped eating

Thanks both of you, it's good to know the not eating thing is normal. It's just since we started weaning at 24 weeks (I know, a couple of weeks early, but she's a monster baby and was sitting unaided etc) she's had 2 colds so it feels like we're just not getting anywhere. I'm not convinced she's actually swallowed anything yet.

Thanks for the reply Chairmum and LaTrucha. I have tried CC with DS, but he just screamed harder each time I went in. It's been a couple of months since then, though, so I should probably give it another go now he's over the 6 month hurdle.

Piccalilli I am sorry you're so down at the moment. I don't think any of us can aviod feeling completely low sometimes given how unutterably tired we are most days. But remember the one rule these babies actually stick to - nothing stays the same for long (helpful when going through a bad phase... perhaps a little dispiriting when in a good one ).

Thanks takingit - I was having a down day yesterday, I have both kids on a Monday which doesn't help. Last night was a little bit better though, she went down in her cot with minimal crying. Not a fabulous night but possibly progress. We're doing cc, dh does all the 'visits' so she doesn't think she's about to get fed. She does get a bit crosser while he's there but is taking less and less time to settle down, all other things being equal.

Everyone who's been having a bad time - remember you'll always have something to beat yourself up about.

Even though we've been having generally good (although not consistent) night sleep here, our naps are not really any better. Had another failure of a nap day, DS fussing at the breast and refusing to settle at all. I gave up, and felt rubbish when DS only had 20 minute in the sling - and that wasn't until 11.30!

Days like that make me feel like an utterly crap mummy. I know I'm not, but heh, some days it feels like it. So the rest of you, when you're feeling that in the middle of the night, keep your chin up and think that maybe next month you'll be berating yourself about something else!

We had a horrid night last night. DS went down ok, but woke at 8.05 and wouldn't go back in his cot for over an hour and a half. DH has a whole heap of work to do, so I had to get into bed with DS at that point to get him a)quiet and b)sleeping. I lay there awake and annoyed for ages before finally sleeping. He was unsettled all night too.

He was asleep by 6.30 tonight, and as yet no sounds, so fingers crossed for a slightly better one. He's a little better from his cough/cold, but not great, so I'm not too hopeful. How grim.

We're moving back to NZ (both DH and I are kiwis) in early December after five and a bit years in the UK, so now we're trying to decide whether it's worth trying to move DS into his own room and do CC before we leave or not. It might work or we may have to do it all again when we arrive in NZ. What do others think? Part of me is keen to do it now so that (hopefully) he's sleeping more regularly before we move as we'll be sharing a house with my Mum for the first 6 weeks and I don't like the thought of her seeing how crap my nights are still. She won't be horrid about it - just really sorry for me, which I can't bear!

takingit - I'm guessing moving like that will be a huge upheaval so until you move I would just do whatever you have to to stay sane and get your packing etc done.

I'm sure that anything achieved before you move will be completely demolished, so I'd leave any new strategies until you're well settled.

Thanks Chairmum, I suspect you're right. I'm really dreading the time-change with him! I'm on my own with him tonight as DH is out at a work thing. He started crying just as I finished my last post, and I've been picking up and putting down since then. After half an hour my back is shot, so he's up there, not asleep, but 'creaking' and occasionally crying. I'm not sure what to do. I think me being in the room only disturbs him more as he wants me to pick him up, and I just can't. I feel horrible. He's crying now, but it's such a sleepy cry. I wish he would just tip over into sleep!

Ok - he's quiet. It took 12 minutes, only one of which I would say he was actually crying and another three or four just doing that 'creaking' sound. Am still feeling mean, as he is still not very well, poor little thing. But, that could have been much worse. Am now wondering what to do next time he wakes up. Am eating a lot of dark chocolate as I think it over. DH will roll his eyes when he gets home.

Wohoo!

6.30 till 5am. Few stirrings but no wakeups and no feeds!

I of course woke at 3.30 with a cough and was just dozing off when DS woke.

But still, we've done nothing different that I can think of and it finally happened!

Well done Chairmum!! Nirvana at last, I hope it repeats itself tonight....

Takingit, I agree that trying to enforce any sleep strategy would be better waiting until you move. For what it's worth, I've been out to South Africa a few times with DD (I'm South African) and although it's only a 2 hour time difference it really does affect her. She has usually resettled into something bearable after 2 or 3 days. But I find the change in climate as much as the time completely confuses her body clock to start. And it might be worth asking your mom to get some black out material if your DS is used to quite a dark room here (it gets dark earlier and you might have thicker curtains/blinds here). My DD really struggled to fall asleep with the much brighter light there.
But well done on getting him to sleep just after 8. I hope you had a reasonable night thereafter. Colds really do seem to knock their sleep for six.

Things are muddling along ok here. DD started sleeping poorly on the days she is at nursery. I put this down to general change in routine unsettledness. Then on Friday DH came home early and had made himself a sandwich which DD practially mugged him for! I had given her some yoghurt as a snack (she has dinner at nursery at 4:30 so I thought a small snack and bf when we get home would suffice.) She proceeded to eat 2 slices of bread and a whole pear!! I think she hasn't been eating well at nursery - she is BLW and I think the general excitement etc means she's too busy playing around so she doesn't eat properly at nursery, and that isn't topped up by her being spoon fed as the rest are. So we will try giving her a proper dinner when she comes home in case she's hungry. And hopefully she'll sleep a better then. Although, to be fair, she slept through last night which was very welcome!!

Anyway, that's enough of an essay.
Hope everyone is well.

Well done Chairmum!

Hadeda - LOl at your DH being mugged for the sandwich.

Taking it - we're waiting until we come back from Spain - where we're going for 6 months in January - to put DD in her new room. No point doing the same horrible thing twice. I'm not sure about the CC. It worked really quickly with us.

When's Peach back?

DD is regularly going 7is to 5am. I know I should be over the moon, but in fact I'm getting fed up with 5am wakings - I'm being TOTALLY UNREASONABLE I know.

I stopped posting last night because DS woke again twenty mins after my last post and wouldn't let me put him down for over an hour. I then got into bed and lay there feeling angry for about 3 hours. I just couldn't let it go, which is actually quite unlike me. It was even worse than the night before.

Thankfully DH is home tonight, so he's doing this shift (it took 25 mins to put him down the first time, and he's still attempting to resettle him after his first wake of the evening). I will go to bed if DH has still not made it out by 8.45. I am at the end of my tether with this now. DS's tooth has cut through, so presumably is less sore, and he seems much better from his cold/cough. So what's the problem??? I know I should keep perspective and remind myself that 'this too shall pass', but with so much to do in these last couple of weeks before we leave I just can't function with this amount of sleep disturbance.

Sorry for the rant - it does feel good to get it off my chest. I can't moan to DH about it as he's in the same position really, and tends to get even more down about it than me.

Am back! Had lovely week visitng family, with DD sleeping fairly well in travel cot for first part of evening and then ending up in bed with me for most of the night. She did, however sleep 8.30 till 5am one night in travel cot. Was

Was wondering if it would all be ruined but after we got back today she had a good nap (had to wake her as was 5pm!) and went down about 7.40 and is still asleep! She is probably just so relieved to be back in her own environment after staying in 5 different houses over the last 8 days.

takingit - Agree with the others, probably just as well waiting till the move, especially if you put a lot of work in and then it goes wrong. You must have enough on your plate in the next few weeks.

LaTrucha - it's completely understandable, to want more! As soon as DD started waking a couple of times i night, I started thinking, "oh if only it were 1!!!)

Nice one Chairmum. You are the Daddy! Or indeed the Mummy!!!

oh, and my sister's 12 week old had been sleeping from 7.30-6.30 for 2 weeks

You may now all laugh.

I went out for a curry tonight. Just got back.

Poor DH spent an hour settling DS (milk, teething powder, cuddles) including giving nurofen which finally did the trick. Who knows what sort of a night we will be in for but I doubt he'll be sleeping through.

Damned teeth!

Welcome back Peachsmuggler - I'm glad you survived.

Chairmum that is quite funny in a wry sort of way. But I'm mostly sorry for you!

Our night was better than I'd hoped. DS didn't wake again until 10pm and slept reasonably well with just 2 more wakes before 5am. That's when the day started though, unfortunately.

We'll wait til we've shifted, as that is the prevailing wisdom here. I'm sure you're all right. It is just desperation talking me towards CC really.

peach - glad to see you back

takingit - You should feel sorry for DH. DS was fast asleep by the time I got home

Anyway, he only woke once (around 3.30 IIRC) after that so not a bad night generally. I was awake coughing again though

It really seems to me that they're all improving as they get to 9-10 months. I reckon we've been going through all this for nothing