Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Someone stole my baby and replaced him with one that naps! Fed to sleep, let me unlatch him, put him in his cot and leave him! Great improvement on recent behaviour.

Then he grumbled at around 45 minutes or so after falling asleep. I went up to get him but there was no noise by then, so I left him. He's been going nearly an hour and a half now. I expect him to wake any moment, but OMG! And we didn't even have a bad night. 6-5.50 with a dream feed at 10 and another at 3.50.

I bet it won't last, but now I wish I'd done something useful with the nap time rather than mumsnetting expecting him to wake any second!

I know what you mean Chairmum! DD has started napping really well, at least one of her naps a day is over 1.5 hours. Perhaps we have changelings??

Know also what you mean about doing things during naps. It is such a novelty that i usually sit down with coffee and MN but sometimes feel I should be doing housework

however, on the other hand we are working from 7 in the morning till 7 at night and then let's face it during the night too, so a long break during the day is perfectly justified!!!

Oh Peach, I'm really sorry to hear they weren't prepared to accept your application. I guess at least you're happy to become a SAHM. But that does suck a bit.
I am glad to hear that your DD is napping better, I def use nap times as my "sit down" time - as you say, we're on duty the rest of the time so why not!!

LaT, I'm very impressed with your DD falling asleep so easily. We're still rocking and cuddling etc for at least an hour. Even leaving her to cry a bit doesn't seem to help.

We went to the hospital on Sat for early preg scan and saw the new bean - all 6mm of it! It's only about 6 weeks in so not much to see, but it does have a heart beat which is positive.
Sunday was not as good. DD woke up at 6 on Sun morning with a raging temperature. After I fed her we gave her some calpol and I noticed a nasty discharge in her ear. Anyway, much debating and calls to NHS Direct later we landed up at the out of hours GP who said the poor thing has an ear infection and a burst ear drum . So she's now on antibiotics, calpol and ibuprofen. She spent a lot of yesterday sleeping - which is NOT like her! - and last night slept with me and DH was relegated to the spare room. She is much brighter for a few hours once she's had the antibiotics but then sort of winds down again. She's sleeping right now, has been for the past 2 hours. I'll wake her up in a minute so she can have some more medicine and see if she wants some lunch. But obviously all bets are off on the sleep front right now....
And doesn't help that I have that early preg exhaustion thing going at the moment! [So on second thoughts, perhaps I'll leave her to sleep on and I'll go back to bed too....!!]

Thanks hadeda. I might ask them to reconsider, as I know a similar thing happened to another woman in our department. We'll see.

Congrats again on the pg, must have been very exciting to see the heartbeat.

Very sorry about your DD, poor wee thing. Hope she gets better soon. Agree you should let her sleep and try and get some kip yourself.

I am going down the park in an hour to do an exercise class. Am thinking I may need a boat to get there though . Can't believe the rain!!!

peach - its worth a try if you enjoy your job. I like mine and me going is important to my husband's sanity (its our business) but when I started doing fullish days, I didn't like it, so we're moving office so I can do 2-3 hours a day instead. Everyone's happy then (Except the nursery I no longer need as they won't do those sorts of hours)

Anyway, the freakish behaviour continues. We're on an hour so far for afternoon nap. I'm considering waking him at 1hr30 to preserve a half-decent bedtime!

Wow about the good nappers! And sorry to hear DD has had burst eardrum Hadeda, but at least you noticed! (A lot of people don't pick them up apparently).

DS has yet another cold, so the disrupted sleep of the last few nights may be due to that. This is the first day he's had a streaming nose, but I presume he felt a bit rotton before that. We also took his safe-t-sleep off for a night last night (it keeps him on his back - but DH finds it tricky to use in the dark) and it's back on for tonight as we had three extra wake-ups last night because DS'd rolled onto his tummy and woken up screaming. Sigh. I guess I have to let DH do things his way even when I know I'm right. Now at least he agrees it's worth the bother of finding the velcro strap in the dark when we put him down

I should have said 'let DH do things his way occasionally...^! I'm not a downtrodden doormat, me LOL!

peachsmuggler, I'd say it's worth asking them to reconsider - that way, if they still say no you know you've given it your best shot so if being a SAHM turns out to be not what it's cracked up to be, or even when you're just having an off day, you wont be thinking 'if only...'. If they do reconsider and you go back and hate it you can always quit.

LaTrucha: our CO appointment is on Wednesday afternoon. We had a hellish night last night, which I expected as she's managed to go all day without napping. It's getting harder and harder to get her to nap even in the car or pram. We're going to continue with the cc until after the CO appointment then if there's still no improvement in things I'm going back to feeding to sleep for a few weeks then we'll try again. I think maybe I need to work on sorting out some sort of routine and getting some solids down her before we obsess too much about sleep.

Hmm Chairmum I don't particularly enjoy my job though I don't hate it. But guess I should ask them to reconsider, seems like the best thing to do.

We are off to visit family tomorrow for a week so will be offline during that time and will return no doubt, with a non-sleeping child. Ha!

Hope the CO appoiunemtn goes well for you Pic

Have a good week everyone!

By Peach - hope the visit is not too disruptive.

And it continues! Slept fine last night although it was bed at 7 not 6. 2 1hr15 naps today, and he was asleep at 6.45.

We had to go home before the end of baby play because he was clearly ready for his nap (trying to help himself to his milk and very grumpy!). Last 2 days naps have been at exactly 8.50 and 2.45. Bizarre. Not sure if I'm going to manage to stick to those if that's what he wants as we're often out at those times (although the morning one is easy enough to stick to generally).

Ah well!

Hope everyone's doing well

Hi all,

Things are still going well here, although DD is pretty much ready to start the day at 5am. I'm hoping this will stretch out as she gets used to sleeping and not feeding at night.

I've switched to one big nap at around 2pm. It does take a bit more effort to keep her entertained, but she simply isn't tired enough for two naps anymore. She had one yesterday morning until 10.30 and then was awake for the whole rest of the day! . I tried to put her down again but nothing doing. She was going nuts by tea time though! So, it's one nap for us now.

Takingit - is DS feeling better? I've never seen one of thsoe straps. Is it good?

Peach - hope trip is good. Hope you sleep!

Piccallili - how wass the CO?

Congratulations on seeing beanie Hadeda! I have a sneaking suspicion I might be heading to the antenatal ward myself, although it's SOOOOO unlikely I'd be pregnant.

CO had a cold so has moved the appointment to Friday - arrgh! I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but still.

Not a great night last night - she went off quite quickly (5 mins crying) but woke up every 45 minutes til I took her into bed. I think she may have been cold though so we're going to get some additional heating for her room this weekend.

DS has a real doozey of a cough/cold now so night time has become a bit madder than usual.

The strap is great LaTrucha - google safe-t-strap to have a look if you're interested. Using it has helped cut out those extra wake-ups from rolling over/crashing into the cot etc. It still lets him roll side to side, but not the whole way over onto his tummy. But it has to be done up reasonably tightly to work, and that's what DH stuggles with in the dark.

I think Chairmum has actually reached Nirvana - congratulations!!!

takingit- although we had great sleep last night, the nap thing was all an illusion. Since 6am this morning we've managed 30 minutes in the sling. We're just gearing up for an early bedtime!

Oops - I shouldn't have said anything at all. But...you have glimpsed it, at least!

DH is upstairs re-settling DS, and we're both feeling really bad. We've just had a lovely dinner, and were just saying how surprising it was that DS was sleeping peacefully when he has been so ill all day etc... and then I noticed the lights on the monitor were flashing up to the top - he's been on mute, poor little boy! I never intended starting a CIO regime while he was sick! Huge oops.

Not a sleep problem, per se, but I just need to confess it to someone to get it out of my system before DH comes back down. Otherwise I'll be all pissy with him about muting it in the first place.

I used to get really annoyed when DH would mute it instead of turning it off. Poor little mite. But he won't remember it tomorrow.

Well, things have gone a bit wierd here. 2 days of nap nirvana and good night sleep then we've had:

Wednesday : 30 minutes nap in the whole day, then woke at 2.30am and wouldn't settle (even with milk) until we calpolled him and brought him into bed at 4am.

Thursday : a couple of 30 minute naps, no dream feed (I went to bed early) fed at around 1.50 then woke again at around 4 or so, shouting and grumbling every few minutes until he actually started crying at around 5.40 and we gave up and fed him.

Today he's had a whole 45 minutes sleep.

Ugh. knackered now. Going to bed soon.

Teeth?

Hope you get some rest tonight.

could be teeth. DS won't let us anywhere near his mouth so we can't check, but there's nothing really suggesting it.

We've decided to stick to 2 night feeds for another month or so, and perhaps try to night wean over xmas when we'll have some time off.

I was just looking forward to a bit more sleep and got all excited about those naps when they happened two days in a row

I know Chairmum, it's a b**ch isn't it?

If your DS is anything like DD, him not letting you anywhere near his mouth is a sure sign it's teeth.

Typically, just to get me off guard, DS had a great night last night. Asleep by 5.45 after his one nap, then nothing until 2am when I fed him, then straight through till 6!!!!

Yay!

Its taken me a while to get him in his cot, but he's now taking his morning nap. (put him down once, wouldn't settle, fed to sleep again and finally let me put him down!)

I must remind myself. The only predictable thing about my baby is that he is unpredictable!

They do tend to bring us down with a thump when we think things are going well, don't they?

DS is still quite sick, and the sleeps have been terrible. I went out last night and came home to find DH feeling completely run-over by DS who had 'refused' to go in his cot for over an hour at one point, and had had two other wake-ups besides. All this before I got home early (because I knew things would be tricky with DS ill and all) at 10.30pm. Argh!

However, tonight he went down relatively easily at 6.45 and hasn't woken since - perhaps he's feeling a bit better? Or maybe I should give up looking for logic in his sleeping habits at all?

Anyway, after this last horrid week, DH and I are discussing trying CIO at some point once DS is over this cold. I cannot do PUPD anymore as it does my back in to the point where I can't pick him up again during the day (not terribly practical, as I do most of the childcare during the week). How old was your DS when you tried it Chairmum?

takingit - DS was just over 6 months when we started. We did only do it to get the worst over though - we used it to get up to 4 hours between feeds, and for him to go to sleep in his cot, then we basically reverted to settling.

A really great night last night for us - DS woke at 10 (I think he was a little cold). Had a really good feed then straight off to sleep, and I didn't hear another thing from him till almost 6! (although DH said he woke a little at around 2) This is good as I think I have proper flu (very achey as well as the cold stuff and I had a temperature last night!)

Anyway, I've sent DS and DH out swimming on their own for the first time today. I wonder how they'll cope. I need some peace though and may have a nap on the sofa in a minute!