Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Sounds doable so far LaTrucha, but not easy.

We had a strange night last night. He slept from 6.50 through to 2am!!!! But then it all went to custard as he ate too much (My body's used to feeding him again at 10ish - so there was an awful lot there) and vomited it all up again in our bed. Lovely. He had an ok sleep through to 5ish and then was crying and unsettled for an hour. I managed to get him to eat/sleep again from 6 through to 7.15, so at least DH got a bit more sleep. So I'm not sure how I feel about it all. The first sleep was a full two hours longer than he's done before at one stretch so that was fantastic. The rest is best forgotten, I guess.

All bets off here as DD's cough/cold keeps waking her up so have been sleeping with her which helps. Can't get her to eat anything except fruit. Sigh...

TOday's update is...

It took her about 12 minutes of cryig to go to sleep last night at bedtime. She woke around 3 but put herself back to sleep with a lot of 'ummming'. Woke at 4, tried to put herself back to sleep but couldn't. Took her 8 minutes of crying to put her back to sleep. Came into bed for feed at 5.30 and slept until 7.30. So, it's going good!

Sorry about dd's cold peach.

Am feeling great this morning as DS did another marathon sleep at the start of the night - 7pm through to either 2.20am!!! But it got better than that as he then slept after that feed through to 5ish, ate then slept again til 6am and slept/snacked until 6.30. It's the best night's sleep I've had since he was born! I hope it's a sign he's maturing a bit. He'll be 6 months on Friday and I had been planning to end co-sleeping then cold-turkey, but if he's going to improve in his own time maybe I should be a bit more flexible about it? Perhaps having him in the cot until he wakes at 5am might be a sensible half-way house?

Sorry DD is ill Peach - it feels like we all have permacolds at the moment. I guess it's just that time of year.

Coming very late to this, but can I join in? I've been reluctantly co-sleeping with my 6.5 mth old for the past couple of months but she's started crawling and I'm worried about her falling out of bed, plus I'd quite like to sleep with dh again so it's time to stop co-sleeping. Just over a week ago we started doing controlled crying to get her in her cot at bedtime. We've had mixed results with this so far, some nights she just cries a few minutes, other nights it's up to an hour - I always thought if cc was working it was just supposed to get better? Also she's been waking up more frequently since she's been in her cot and I haven't the heart/stamina to do cc in the middle of the night. I feel like we're at a bit of a dead end now and I just don't know whether I should give in and co-sleep for a bit longer or keep going with the cc.....Aaargh it's just so hard to make a decision when you're so tired!

Picallilli - I think with the bedtime thing you've got to be sure that you've got the right time. If DS is not hungry, and is warm etc and I put him in his cot at 6pm, he will cry for only a couple of minutes at most. If I were to do it earlier or later he'd just keep going. Have you experimented with different bedtimes? DS's 6pm bedtime is carved in stone, and if we miss it by too much we have a crazy-hyper baby on our hands until around 9pm.

Knowing he was tired always made it easier to let DS cry (which is why I can never do it in the day, as I'm never quite sure if he's actually tired, or just wants milk / a bit of snuggle time)

But anyway, come and join us - some of us are a bit further along in our journeys, but we like to support each other!

Thanks Chairmum! Bedtimes are a bit chaotic to be honest as I have a 3 yr old as well and dh isn't always home at bathtime. She's definitely easier to settle if she's had good daytime naps, plenty of fresh air and bathtime is over by 6:15 at the latest but so often one or more of those variables just doesn't happen.

Sounds like you're making great improvements Latrucha. Well done!

Am so pleased it is working for you, and you're still getting a little snuggle in the morning!

Welcome piccalilli2. Agree with Chairmum that the right time seems to be crucial, but can imagine it is not always possible. I was out yesteday afternoon and missed a train home and so had to skip bath and go straight to bedtime, and even then it wasn't easy. Wondering if you could continue with the CC for the start of the night but then give yourself a cutoff point after which you will co-sleep? That way you get to spend a bit of time with DH, and maybe your DD will naturally extend her sleep so that you co=cleep later and later in the night and then not at all?

Hi Piccalilli2 - I agree with the others about bedtime and with Peach's idea of giving yourself a cut-off point to stop the CC and co-sleep again. We have been doing that (with PUPD rather than CC) with a cut-off point of midnight for quite a while now. It at least makes us feel like we have a little bit of together time every evening before the bed becomes the 'family' bed (I hate that term!). Things certainly seem to be improving for us, so fingers crossed it might be the same for you if you decide to try that. Having spoken to DH about it again, we've decided that rather than going cold-turkey on the co-sleeping thing, we are now going to try just moving that cut-off point gradually later and later. So we'll not take him into bed before 2am now as he (hopefully) is starting to sleep through until then naturally. Much sympathy for the being-too-tired-to-even-decide-what-to-do feeling.

As a side-note, if you're worried about DD falling out of the bed and can't physically get the bed up against the wall (the easiest temporary solution) then perhaps put some pillows/cushions/spare duvets in a pile down your side of the bed so that she'll have a safe landing if it happens?

We can't move the bed but I am sticking some old sofa cushions along both sides. I like the idea of having a 'cut-off' - I need some sleep to stay sane so some co-sleeping is kind of inevitable til she starts sleeping a bit better but it is nice to at least start the night in bed with dh. Do you think there's a risk it confuses them though?

So far DS doesn't seem to be confused by it. He knows that the bedtime routine leads to him in his cot, and using PUPD we have got him to the point where he's going along with that without any crying at all and it rarely takes more than 5 mins to get him down. DH always goes to him if/when he wakes early in the evening, as I have huge trouble getting him to go back in the cot without feeding him first. I go to him when he wakes any time after midnight,so he knows that when I go to him it's time to come into our bed.

I hope that all made sense!

That's great, thanks - I think that could work for us as dh currently does all evening 'visits' if needed with cc and then I go to her when she wakes at 10/11 for a small feed. Sometimes then she'll happily go back in cot, other times not.

piccalilli I started doing something similar to takingit. We did PUPD at the start of the night and then usually after about 3 in the morning I would bring DD into bed (with a couple of feeds in between usually!). Gradually the 3am moved back and DD now usually spends the night in her cot. We started this when she was 6 months and she is 8 months this week. I don't think it was ever confusing for DD. Hopefully something similar can work for you!

Thanks peachsmuggler. You say she's in her cot now, but is she still feeding a lot at night?

Last night I did cc at bedtime, took about 15 mins, then she woke at 10, fed her and back in her cot - she settled without so much as a whimper! She then woke again at 1 so I brought her into bed but I do kind of feel we're making progress.

That's great Picallili.

Last night's CC results were She went to sleep in under 20 minutes. She woke up at 2 and we did one check on her and then she went to sleep. She woke again at 5.30 and I fed her. She went to sleep and I put her back in her cot and she slept until 7.30. And she's napping now (I fed her to sleep for her nap). So, all good! Hopefully she'll stop waking at 2 if she knows there's no profit for her in it.

Great work LaTrucha. Brilliant that you can have such great progress in less than a week!

picallili that sounds great, am sure if you keep on with that the coming into bed will move further on in the night!

DD is generally feeding twice a night. which I am happy with, considering where we were just a few weeks ago.

She had her 8 month assesment this morning. the hV asked if she was sleeping through the night and when I said no she was still waking once or twice, he said "hmm and I bet you are feeding her back to sleep". I said yes, and he said "that's the problem, you need to stop night feeds as she doesn't need the calories now" if you don't stop now she'll still be waking for milk when she is 1. just don't feed her at night and within a week she'll be sleeping through".

To be honest I was a bit . I mean, I guess the fact that I am on this thread and going on about sleep all the time means i want to improve things, but i hadn't said that her waking twice a night was a problem for me and he didn't ask, just assumed. I think they should ask what you think and then give you advice, not just assume. have got no intention of stopping night feeds at the moment as it is not a problem for me, mostly I suppose because it is such an improvement from before. I would rather it happen naturally and go cold turkey if it then does become a problem. i know he was only trying to help but think it is a bit strange that they have a one size fits all approach.

I just smiled and said yes but notice when I left he has written in my book WILL STOP MILK FEEDS AT NIGHT, in big capiatl letters

More by the fact you have a male hv Peaches than by his attitude! How great that a man has gone down that route - I get annoyed by the way the whole baby-business is dominated by women. My interaction with my hvs has been underwhelming in the extreme. The two I have seen are very bossy and not very open to new ideas like BLW.

It sounds like there are steps forward for most of us at the moment - thank goodness! We had another night of DS sleeping through to 1am before first waking. It has made a big difference to my sleep in that early part of the evening already. Sadly he's still doing the early-waking thing. Curse the clock-change! Have any of you had success with any strategies to help LOs sleep in a little longer? (I just want a return to 7am wakes rather than 5 or 5.30).

Peachsmuggler two feeds a night max is where I'd like to get to by the time I go back to work in January. Sympathies re your hv, mine is similar in that she was very supportive of exclusive breastfeeding and not weaning til 6 mths, right until we got to 6mths now suddenly I'm supposed to have her on 3 meals a day plus snacks seemingly overnight, and stop night feeds.

Takingitasitcomes I've read that early waking is the hardest problem to fix in babies unfortunately. I seem to remember with dd1 it eventually got better on its own but it took a while.

Yes, I've never met him before but I agree, good to see a man doing the job. He was very nice indeed and very good with DD, and a lot less bossy than the lady we normally see.

I didn't even mention the BLW. Just said she was on 3 meals a day!

Friad early waking isn't one of our problems so not sure what to suggest. I've read about people waking their babies and resettling them before the usual wakeup time to try and get round it, i.e. if your DS normally wakes at 5 then you would set your alarm for 4.50 (groan), go in and wake him gently then resettle him. Might be worth a go...

Ummmm, right. So. You lot are the first people to hear this as (except for Peach) it's all anonymous.
Turns out I'm pregnant. - I think. [terrified emoticon] - definitely.

You know how you hear about people who are still bf and haven't yet got their period back and then fall pregnant straight away before AF even turns up? Yup - seems it can work that way. Even when it took a year of trying for the first one.

So, we are still trying to get our heads around this, found out yesterday. I'm off to the early preg unit for a scan on Saturday as I've had some bleeding (which I thought was AF comming back) just to see what's up.

In the meantime, poor DD has some nasty bug which gave her a temperature of 39 degrees!! yesterday. She was up a few times in the night (11:30, 1, 3 and 6 but only for a long time at 1) and DH insisted on settling her because "you need to rest". Bless him! He's so pleased about the new preg, I'm the one that's a bit nervous about it all and not wanting to think too much in case it doesn't stick. And I'm going back to work tomorrow; they are going to be CHARMED when they find out!

I'm glad to hear the CC is working for you LaT, sounds like S is making amazing progress.
And well done to everyone else also seeing some results, whether the result of "action" or not.

And hello Picallili

Sorry, my head is elsewhere at the moment so sorry not to chat properly.

x posted there piccalilli - yes, I guess they are going to give similar advice to everyone not taking into account difference in babaies, but like you,. I prefer to do things a bit more gently. it took us about 6 weeks to work up to 3 meals a day and is going to take a good deal longer to stop night feeding.

I think your goal of 2 feeds a night max by january is very do-able. Don't know what it was like with your first dd but I've noticed that my DD has started sleeping for longer stretches since she was 6 months, and particularly if the CC is working for you, i don't think you'll have a problem.

Congratulations hadeda. Wow! Hope you don't mind me asking, but were you trying? Am always amazed when people get pg when not. So excited for you!

wonder what your work will say, will you wait for 3 month scan before you tell them?Remind me how old your DD is?

Makes me want to have another!!! Congrats again.

We were sort "in the hands of the gods". I had stopped the pill in Sept as I'd heard it stops AF and I wanted that to come back. So we were just letting things go for now and were going to try "properly" next year.
Will def wait as long as poss to tell work, they are going to go ballistic. I'll only be back for about 8 months!
DD is 10 months so will still be a very little girl when this next one turns up.

A 10 month gap is tiny. Trying not to panic....

Awww don't panic. Is so lovely, particularly as it took a bit of time TTC last time.

Don't worry about work, they can only "go ballistic" in the confines of their own offices, they can't say anything to you about it, ML is your right. However, can imagine it will not be much fun telling them

Oh Hadeda congratulations

Hope everything's good at the scan. It must be scary but I can admit to being just a little jealous. Our babies aren't tiny any more, and the teenies are just so lovely. Although DS is lovely and wonderful, I do miss those newborn moments - and feel like I can do better second time round!

Its really nice to hear everyone's getting some progress. We're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as DS regularly has no milk between 10 and 5 (or this morning, 6!) so we're sure he'll start to settle himself soon enough - apparently he settled really quickly at 2am last night so we might try leaving him for a few minutes to see if he settles himself.