Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

LaSpooky - he normally feeds to sleep at bedtime, but its a quick thing, rarely more than 15 minutes. I think getting the bedtime right really helped - if we're late, he's a nightmare but still goes off, if we're more than half an hour late he passes into hyper... we try to avoid that but when we've been away we haven't been able to get him to sleep till 9 then.

I'm both pleased and that DS has had better sleep last night and tonight so far as all I've done differently is put an extra layer on him. I think he may have started the early evening wake-ups again because he was getting cold. Ooops! Or maybe it's just a coincidence that he's had two good nights in a row?

We're still struggling to get him to shift to the time-change here. He spends the whole day on winter time, but persists in waking at his old summer-time hour. I am seriously sick of the early starts now. Anyone else still have this problem (or ideas for how to get him to sleep in longer in the morning?).

We've always had the 5am problem, but at least that's no worse at the moment.

We had some coughing / sick at dream feed time which put us off by half an hour, but he still slept 10.30 - 5am, which is really encouraging (second night in a row of good sleep - despite not being well).

We were away the night before the clocks changed, so seemed to be ok the following day, but since then he's been going to bed before 5.30. Last night we stretched him out till 6pm (normal time) though and he was ok, so we'll keep doing that.

Happy Halloween!

Something very spooky happened here last night. DD slept from 7-7!!! Astonishing. she has only really ever gone for a max of 5-6 hours before.

She has a cold and so i think was exhausted, but i assumed she would make up more with a cold. the other thing is we kept the heatingon all night, so takingit I think your theory might be right.

I fell asleep at 10.15 and didn't wake up till 4.30. Yayyyy. Amazingly, got back to sleep but then woke at 6.30 leeking milk all over the bed and willing her to to wake up so i could feed her!!

Poor wee thing has gone back to bed already.

Peeeeeaaach! That's amazing! Let's hope she realises that sleeping is yummy and carries on. I often think if DD just had one really good sleep she'd realise how great it is and that would be that.

Good for you too Chairmum

DaDaDum ... We start CC today...

Peach that's brilliant! I hope it continues, perhaps being snuggly and warm was the key. Takingit too. I've also put an extra layer on DD the past two nights and she has slept until 6/6:30 rather than waking up at 4:30 so I think we're definitely onto something with keeping them warm.

LaSpooky - good luck with the CC, I hope it works ok for you.

Peach, to answer your earlier question - I'm actually not looking forward to going back to work at all. I don't know why, I always enjoyed my job and wasn't anxious to leave when I had DD. But I've so enjoyed having her and not working stupid hours... I'm going back 3 days a week on fixed hours (8:30 - 4:30) with the understanding that I will be "flexible" if needed. It's the flexible part that's bothering me. As long as that means "we'll contact you if the place is falling down and only you can save it", that's fine. Or if I choose to prepare for a meeting or something on a "off day". But if it means "we'll phone you for every little thing" then that's something else. I've taken a very big pay cut to do fixed hours and 3 days a week so I plan to just keep reminding myself of that....
DD is settling into nursery at the moment which is much harder than I thought it would be. I know they all get past the crying and enjoy it in the end but that doesn't make it any easier. And yesterday we went for lunch and she was served puree so runny you could drink it through a straw! She's 10 months old!! I've done BLW, but even if I hadn't that's not appropriate for a 10 month old baby. Anyway, I spoke to them about it today and they seemed very happy to give her "lumpy food" so I'm going back for lunch time to see how she gets on.
Sorry - hijack over.

Anyway, keep warm everyone and hope you aren't too bothered tonight with all the neighbourhood kids wanting you to fuel their sweet habits...

LaSpooky Good luck for tonight. Are you going to do CC for all wakings and naps, or just the first of the night?

Hadeda You poor thing. I sympathise. I am applying to go back 3 days a week and have meeting next week to discuss. Not sure what they will say but they are not known for their modern approach to flexible working...

at the runny puree for a 10 month old. I don't think my DD would know what to do with it!!! I must remember to ask the nursery about such things when DD hopefully starts.

Am sure after a while your DD will settle and be really happy there, but i can imagine it's not easy for now.

I am gobsmacked about the 7-7 sleep Peach! Congratulations! How fantastic to know that it is possible.

I'm really intersted in how you do CC crying and how it works for you LaSpooky as DS is coming up to 6 months next week - and that's possibly our next move too. Lots of details please! I am finding PUPD just too hard on my back now (DS is roughly 19 1/2 pounds now) so DH still does it at night but I can't do it in the day anymore.

Not sure what to do about Trick-or-treaters tonight. I don't love it as a rule, but usually have some sweets for little kids who have made an effort. But if anyone knocks on out door tonight and wakes DS I think I may actually skin them alive! Do you think it's too naff to put a sign on our door saying there's a baby sleeping so please give our house a miss this year???

I think you're more like to get egged and floured if you do that takingit!!! Is there any way you could disconnect the doorbell?

So nice to have positive feedback on the 7-7. When you tell most people who have older babies of any little success they all say "Well don't let it lull you into fall sense of security, it won't last!!" ha ha. I know she probably won't do it again tonight but am revelling in the moment!!!

What do you think of this CC plan

naps - going to sleep as normal

trying to do CC for all night wakings with a bottle rather than a bf after four hours if necessary (LOL). No picking up, going back at 3, 5, 7 minutes.

God it all sounds a bit ambitious! I guess I'm going to have at least to do a bf... I can't believe how weak I am I am crumbling already!

Sounds reasonable. I think if you are going to do a bf it might be best to decide beforehand when you are going to do it, so that if you do you don't feel like you are caving if you see what I mean.

What are you going to do when you go back in at the intervals? I think it would help to keep it consistent, e.g. say the same standard phrase and are you and DP/DH going to aletrnate each visit or take it as it comes?

I think at first it will just be me. I'm not really going to have a phrase as I tried it before - although not with cc - and she just started to cry every time I said it. I'm just going to pat her etc.

I thikn it's going to be awful but we're desperate.

Am sure it will be fine. it might take less time than you think at this age! Who knows, by monday you could have an incredible sleeping baby!!!

Good luck!!!

Best of luck with CC tonight. Have you set a maximum interval to wait or will you just keep adding 2 minutes each time? Like Peach/Pumpkin said, it might work quickly this time - who ever knows with these babies?

Well HV said mix it up as otherwise they get wise and it becomes a game. Others say different. V confusing.

It is all horribly confusing isn't it? I do hope it works for you.

LaSpooky - can't recommend on the time intervals, but I'd say set yourself a smaller challenge to start with.

I like the Dr Jay Gordon co-sleeping night-weaning plan, where you're aiming to get 8 hours to yourself to sleep, so you say no milk between those hours. You start with a smaller number and work up to that over time. We've done something similar with DS - he was sleeping 6 hours regularly, so we've moved them with a dream feed. I'd pick the important hours for you and say no BF between those times, rather than all night - I think it will make it less stressful initially, and is certainly working with us so far

Of course tonight I'm knackered so am going to bed early, so probably no dream feed for DS - we'll see how he copes with that!

Wow! Good start - 40 mins to get to sleep being checked evry 5,7,9 minutes. She wasn't even that upset as she stopped crying during checks.

God I hope it carries on as well as this!

Great start! Do let us know what the rest of the night is like. I'm still not clear about how often you have decided to check on her... do you just add 2 mins each time until she falls asleep?

I am feeling much more chilled out about DS's sleep just now as I've just come in from having (an ever so slightly boozey) dinner with a friends whose baby is giving her even more trouble with sleep than mine. Helps put DS's habits in perspective. (Of course the wine helps with that too!)

Excellent work LaSpooky!!! Hope the rest of the night went well.

After our mini triumph of Thursday we were up at 11, 1.30, 2 and then I got into bed with her at 3 for the rest of the night as she just wouldn't go to sleep, and this was after DP settling her twice after she went to bed!

Funny thing, she never has a good night on a friday, even if the few days previously have been good. I can't remember the last time we had a friday when I didn't end up in bed with her and that almost never happens now. Weird!

DD's cold seems a little better today, but now DP has been up most of night with the tummy bug i had last week so will have to lool after them both today...

I did 3, 5, 7, 9, 9 and then 11 but she was asleep during that 11. And she slept until.....

FIVE FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I woke at 2, 3, 4 etc. She did wake a couple of times but she settled herself in about a minute. At 5.15 I rocked her for 10 minutes and she went back into the cot until 6.30 when I fed her and she fell asleep in my bed until 7.30. Totally amazing. Even though I was awake for most of it!

I can't believe it will be so easy tonight but we are dancing this morning.

Brilliant! Well done LaSpooky!!!

LaSpooky - that's brilliant for you!

We had another cough-vomit session at the 10pm dream feed and he woke at 2 and would not be consoled by DH and after the vomit session (plus he's teething / got a cold) I didn't want to leave him so fed him then.

Woke at 5 as normal but I brought him into bed with me and he slept (latched on) till 6.15 or thereabouts when DH took him away

I'm ill now so DH is on baby duty all weekend.

Oooo - LaTrucha that is fantastic! Please do keep us up to date over the next few nights too.

Chairmum being ill is no fun... but DH taking baby-duty all weekend... hmm. I would be willing to go through a cold for that today . DH and I have spent most of today looking at each other and sizing up who looks the most shattered at any given point. DS is still waking early. I'm considering giving him a later bed time for a few days to see if that shunts him back into line with GMT.

Ok - update!

Same amount of crying to sleep last night - 40 minutes but again instantly was calm when I went in. Trying to suck my elbow which made me a bit . She woke at 2.15 and we did the CC agfain. She was actually trying to put herself to sleep but then realised I was in bed in the room and started crying. Again took 45 minutes. She woke up again at about 4 but got herself to sleep. At 5.30 she woke and I couldn't get her back in the cot so I fed her and took her into bed. She fed for 15 minutes and then slept another two hours.

She's as bright as a button this morning, though only a short nap. I'm not really obssessed with sleep - (yes I am! yes I am!).

Chairmum - I hope you're feeling better. It's so nice to have a baby break anyway, isn't it?