Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

La Trucha that's awful. I hope everything goes as well for you as can be expected while you're away.

La Trucha - I'm very sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you are doing ok and will be thinking of you over the next few weeks.

So... how are we all doing?

We've been having good evenings here since I started using a piece of kit that holds DS in one position (so no more rolling ourselves awake) so he has been in his own cot til after midnight a few times. Very nice. He still eats every hour or so once he's in the bed with us, but he's got better about 'letting' me take my nipple out once he's done.

However, now he's got another virus and it's all going downhill. DH is upstairs trying to put him down now - poor man has already been there for over half an hour. Ugh. I hate winter colds.

Daytime sleep is still all over the place, although today was quite good as because he's not well he actually went to sleep beside me on the bed twice without too much complaint.

Great news takingit, other than the virus obviously!

We are doing pretty well actually. Absolutely do not want to get ahead of myself but the last 4 nights in a row she has only woken twice a night after going to bed between 7-8. She just seems to be able to sleep for longer and also put herself back to sleep sometimes during the night.

We've got a sort of a nap routine going where she will go down in her cot (!) between 9.30 and 10 in the morning and then again about 3 in the afternoon. Often she sleeps 30-40 mins but this afternoon for example she slept for an hour and 20 mins and I had to wake her as was 4.30 and was worried she might not go down tonight if I didn't. On the days when we are out at those times she sometimes sleeps in her pram, but sometimes not. However it doesn't really seem to have much of an effect on her nightime sleep so that's good as would not like ot be tied to the house all the time.

So all in all, pretty good here!

My DD also has a cold - poor girl is very bunged up with it. And I think she's getting a top tooth as well. She had a temperature of 37.9 this morning.
So, not sleeping brilliantly, I think she wakes up because she can't breathe with a blocked nose. But she's been ok. She went to bed around 7:30 last night, woke up at midnight and it took over an hour to settle her but then she slept until 6:45.

Sympathise with you on the virus takingit, they're really not much fun.

Peach - very glad to hear things are looking good for you, only waking twice in the night is fantastic. I hope it continues!! (Steer clear of the cold germs!)

HI guys -

I'm wondering, which out of all our methods, is working he best. Who is getting the most sleep?

Our routine and methods ahve all been out of the window recently but it's definitely not me!

Vomiting bug visiting here too BTW

Hmmm... the most sleep. Babies or parents??? I think DS is topping the sleep tables in our household, but I'm still not quite happy with my own sleep. He's 24 weeks now, and I'm thinking that at 26 weeks we're going to start PUPD at night and get him out of our bed. I'm a bit sad about it, but also looking forward to sleeping on my own (well, with just DH) again.

So... we don't really count at the moment as he's getting plenty of sleep, but only because we're using a combination of sling/cot/co-sleeping. PUPD has worked for us in the evenings though - he now goes in his cot without tears every night (unless he's ill) until we go to bed ourselves. That has made a huge difference to our lives already. I only hope it will work as well when we start the next stage at 6 months to keep him there all night.

Well we were away on friday night and that was a complete nightmare. Took us ages to get him down as we were out having dinner at his bedtime, then he slept for about 3 hours in the travel cot, then another 3 hours in our bed between us (wriggling and feeding the whole time and I barely slept) then another couple in the cot before being wide awake at (as normal) 5.30ish

He's grumpy and has a temperature today. 2 pooey nappies in a row suggest it might be a D&V thing- just waiting for the V (his nappies just look runny so far but he had mostly milk yesterday so no surprise)

Hmm TMI perhaps. Anyway, I don't feel like I can make any judgements on his sleep atm except to say he's very reliant on his routine and his own room.

DD has just started being TERRIBLE to get to sleep for naps and night sleep and she's still waking. She's never been any trouble to get to sleep before really and we are tearing our hair out.

We're thinking of more drastic measures along some sort of 'crying' line.

We've had a week of only waking twice during the night for a feed, which is obviously fantastic. She sometimes wakes in the evening but DP settles her so I don't really count those as wakings! ha ha.

Also having fairly regular, though shortish, naps in her cot.

I had a horrible timmu bug on Saturday night, which manifested itself just when I was about to serve the main course at a dinner party. Couldn't eat it and had to retire to the couch sweating and shivering. Was then violently sick before bedtime. Spent yesterday mainly sleeping, while DP baby wranlged and feel a bit wiped out today. Thank goodness DD appeared to have escaped it!

Sorry guys - advice time.

Sabela has usually been really easy to put to sleep for naps. Since we came back she has been a total nightmare.

This is what happened this morning.

Up 6.30 - breakfast play

8.45 bf

9.00 into cot very sleepy and peaceful - started screaming her head off.

Got her up because Dh leaving for work etc
small play, bf, up to cot, very sleepy. Into cot screaming. Reassured her, got sleepy, peaceful, back into cot - screaming!

I've just left her screaming again. What the hell do I do? She can't sleep in my arms every nap (not that I've let her do this but it's what she wants to do.) It's been like this for every nap since last Thursday.

Help. My nerves are in tatters anyway (which is I guess what's upsetting her but I still don't know what to do.)

Left her to scream for 15 minutes.

Fed her to sleep, absolutely peaceful, put her into cot. Screaming.

Oh god that is awful, you poor thing.

What happens when you pick her up? How long does she take to calm down?

LaTrucha - I'm afraid its been like that with us since DS started crawling.

He'll sleep on me, or he'll sleep in the sling, but he won't let me put him down (although bedtimes are still fine).

This coincided with a cold and I wanted him to sleep, so I've started going for long walks to get him to nap and to help the weight loss (without having to give up chocolate!) for at least one nap. The other he generally takes on me while I'm reading! I tried putting him down this morning, but he wasn't having it and wouldn't even then go back to sleep on me. I'm considering just going with the flow and keeping up with the walking as its so good for me!

I eventually took her out in the pram and she slept.

Chairmum - DD isn't crawling but I do have the feeling it's developmental in origin. I think I will have to go with the flow a bit. It's a pity becaude she'd just started going in to her cot for naps.

Peach - she stops cryibg the instant I pick her up. Sometimes when she just sees me.

Sorry that's happening now LaTrucha. As you suggested yourself it's probably a bit to do with how you are feeling yourself at the moment. Your DD is probably picking up your upset and wanting to be with you more as a result, as well as it being an age thing. On the plus side, it hopefully shows that she is an empathetic wee soul. I hope she settles again soon though.

Sleep is a bit weird here still. I think he's over his latest virus, but he's waking more often in the night again. A strange development this week is that he has stopped his wake-up signs which usually allowed me to feed him (when in bed with us) before either of us really woke. Now he's just jumping from sleeping to crying with barely a pause for taking the big breath necessary!? Any experiences of this sort of change??? He's just coming up to 25 weeks old, and we've started BLW in the last week. But I really don't think it's to do with food, as hardly anything is going in yet.

LaT - my DD has just started doing exactly the same thing, I was about to post about it now! It's driving me mad.

I did try leaving her to cry for 5/10 mins on Fri and Sat nights and then going back to start the whole routine again as I'd tried absolutely everything and so had DH. Sunday she started to cry every time she touched the mattress so I've decided not to leave her to cry again. I don't want her to start thinking her cot is a Bad Place.

She has a cold at the moment (I know - you're thinking "how could you leave a sick baby to cry" but honestly we had tried everything we could think of and holding her seemed to bother her, she was arching her back and wriggling like mad.) And she's just started to "mini cruise" - she pulls up onto the coffee table and moves from there to the couch but no further. I have heard that reaching a milestone can affect sleep so perhaps it's that, plus the cold.

I've no tried and tested suggestions on how to stop it. FWIW, my plan is to get her to sleep by any means possible and then put her into the cot. But if she won't go there for naps, she can sleep on me/in pram/whatever is needed. At night, she'll have to go to bed in the end (won't co-sleep with us anymore for reasons best known to herself) but if we hold her until she is absolutely out and then put her to bed, hopefully that will work.

I hope you find a solution that works soon. It really is frustrating, you know they need their sleep and you just can't find the way to help them get there.
(Oh, and neighbourhood kids have just started with all the firecrackers and fireworks which also doesn't help!!)

Thanks

Hadeda - will look out for that thread. I do think it might be developmental. She's started crying in a completely different way. I'm thinking it's a battle of wills. ???

Takingit - that's a nice way to look at it!

Aaarrggh!! I made a complete twit of myself at the Baby Cafe this morning! I'm going back to work next week so I wanted to thank them for all their help, especially when DD was small with jaundice and over a long slow weight gain saga. So I bought some nice choccie bics and was just going to say "thank you so much, it's really helped us get this far". Anyway, I got as far as "I just wanted to say" and started blubbing!! I don't know where the blubbing came from, I certainly wasn't expecting it! I did manage to pull myself together enough to hand over my biscuits and say thank you but I did feel like a right twit. I don't know what's up with my hormones!!

Anyway, that was my morning!

DD has woken up at 4:30am every morning since the clocks went back. Not sure why - whether it's the time change or perhaps that it's got very cold all of a sudden. I've set the heating to come on for 20 mins just before 4am in the hopes that if it is the cold, she stays asleep.

I hope things are going well for all of you this week.

Oh dear hadeda, am sure they didn't think you were a twit. They were probably really touched!

How are you feeling about going back to work? I am supposed to be going back in Feb and have applied to go 3 days a week.

Yes, we are having heating issues here too. DD woke at 10.30, 12 and 3.30 last night and I turned the heating on each time to last an hour or so as it was cold in her room only to discover this morning that DP has turned the thermostat down so it wasn't even hot. Nitwit!!!

Sorry that I can't remember but has anyone tried the whole nine yards ofthe controlled crying technique?

And if you did, did you pick the baby up when you went in or just pat them? There seems to be a few different methods.

I think I'm going to try it soon for a short period of time, say 5 days.

Hadeda - better out than in! hope you're feeling good now.

Peach - I'm not sure what to do about DD and the temperature. She's already in a fleecy sleepsuit and a 2.5 tog. It just makes judgements at night much more difficult because you're cold standing in your nightie and think it's very likely baby is too!

BTW ~I am LaTrucha!

Ha ha! I love your Halloween name! I will need to think of one soon...

Yes temperature is a nightmare. I just can never seemt o decide what to do.

Chairmum did controlled crying, but not sure if followed it to the letter. Think they may ave done their own version. Hopefully she will be along in a bit to assist you! It might not even take 5 nights at this age.

Have got sore back from carrying DD and pram up and down stairs. Sighhh. Must get back to yoga to strengthen it I think!

Boo!

LaSpooky:
We ended up doing CIO as DS got really upset when we went in to him. We really only did it for 2-3 weeks at the beginning though - once he was doing 4+ hours between feeds we were ok for a while, then when we decided to go further, we were better rested and tried other things (like DH settling).

As much as it wasn't what I wanted to do, it really worked to teach DS to self settle as he needed milk to settle him every time he woke up initially. The only times we leave him these days is ocassionally at bedtime (he cries for a minute or two to send himself off if I haven't fed him to sleep) or if he wakes at 5am (we leave him to grumble generally - if he's really going for it we get him, but I want him to learn that we don't like 5am!)

Anyway, last night DS went to sleep at 5.15pm (in a right grumpy mood and just fell asleep on me before his bath so we put him down as he was). Had a dream feed around 9pm (and a nappy change!) then slept through till 5.30ish!!! I of course, woke up around 4.20 and dozed until DS woke up, but that's still 7 hours sleep for me. We've been having teeth trouble in the day but it doesn't seem to affect his night sleep so far

Yay!

Chairmum - sounds like a great night! Feels great to get a little more sleep eh?

DD went to bed at 7.20 then only woke for feeds at 11 and 5, then I had to wake her up at 7.30 and all this despite having a cold!

Boo! Pumpkin..

Chairmum - Thanks. So how does he usually go off now?