Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Ahh - that makes more sense - I thought Oxford might be a bit of a shlep with LO in tow.

We've had a few rotten nights in a row here. Pretty sure it's teething alongside the cold that's causing it. I am worried about misreading the signs of an ear infection though (he's tugging at his ears a bit) but have decided to see how tonight pans out and take him to the doctors tomorrow if it's another rough one. I would feel soooooo bad if he had a sore ear and I didn't notice. But I can see 6 teeth waiting to come through just now, so I think that's probably the more obvious cause of pain.

So... backwards steps here really in that night and day sleep is now rubbish. Hey ho. Everything with kids is only a phase. (My current mantra).

peach - he was 8 months on the 20th, so heading for 8 and a half.

We're back to 2 wakeups a night, but I'm happy with that at the moment as I seem to be sleeping better! Oh well! Last night he woke a bit earlier (11.20) but I think that was wind as he wouldn't settle for DH then lots of it came out during his feed!

I can't help thinking now that part of it is age - yes we had to help him learn to sleep in his own room, but once we had bedtime cracked, the rest seemed to follow, so maybe there's some hope there for the rest of you with younger babies?

Chairmum - I def agree with you on it being partly age. I was getting desperate and thinking about doing CC and anything else with DD when around 7.5 months she suddenly started sleeping longer without me doing much different at all. I think our key was concentrating on day time naps, but I think that just helped with something she was "old enough" to start doing for herself.

DD slept through last night from 7:15 to 7:30 this morning [feeling much more human emoticon] - and yesterday she had her proper day time naps and an early bedtime for the first time in over a week. Which proves my theory to me anyway.....

Wow hadeda on the 12 hour sleep!!!

I think you are right too. I think probably we have pushed things in the right direction with CIO, PUPD, nap scheduling etc, but this has hopefully coincided with sleep maturation.

Our naps seem to be getting shorter, but am hoping they start to extend soon. They don't seem to be affecting her night time sleep which is getting better, with more often than not, 2 wakeups a night, so we won't worry too much, and hope with age that her naps natuarlly extend!

I really hope that you are all right about maturation bringing a natural improvement.

We're still muddling through here. I know it's mostly teething that's making him wake in the night, but I am finding it a bit tough as he seems to need my nipple actually in his mouth to sleep at the moment. My hips are back to their aching worst, sadly (as I can't sneak any time on my back during the night without waking him). I can see 6 teeth, but none have actually broken through the gum. How long can it take??? They've been visible for ages now.

Well it is 4.20 in the morning and have had third rubbish night in a row, with her waking almost every hour tonight and is fingers crossed asleep now after being awake for an hour and a quarter. DP seems to think after he has been in for a couple of wakenings that he has done his bit and it is now my turn. Never mind that I am the one getting up all through the night all during the week. I think he expects me to do it at the weekend too
Anyway, that's 15 mins she's been asleep so think I can safely slope off back to bed. She'll probably be awake in 45 mins at which point I will crumble and bring her into bed, then not sleep properly. Have to go running at 9am. Urrgghhhh

g'night ladies.

Poor peach!

I've been up for an hour as DS last night woke at 10.30, 1.30 and was up for the day at 5.15. We're away tonight but if he does it again on Sunday with no apparent reason we'll be leaving him again :-/

Still, at least he normally goes straight back to sleep so I'm clearly not that hard off!

Takingit - totally in sympathy with you on the misery of teething. It's here too.

Broken sleep and no teeth. Pants.

Poor Poor peach. We know what it's like!

Chairmum - hope the trip doesn't upset him too much.

Hooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwl!!!! (Takingitasitcomes is howling at the moon). Why are we all having rubbish nights just now??? I need a positive story to cheer me up. Did anyone out there have a good night's sleep last night???

Sorry. Not much hope here. DH and I argued abou tit this morning.

Sorry all, we had a rubbish night too - think my 12 hours was just her catching up on accumulated sleep loss... Woke at 10:30 but we got her back down by 11ish, then was up at 4:00. I tried to get her back to sleep and finally crumbled at 5:15 and took her to bed with me. Where she started muttering which woke DH up and he took her and managed to get her to sleep by 5:45. Feeling really a bit down at the moment as every time she wakes at night I can't get her back to sleep, only DH can. And I'm going back to work in a month so we really need her to sleep.

Anyway, hope we all have a better time tonight. If not, just know I'll be thinking of you all at stupid o'clock!

It took 35 minutes to put DS down this evening (it usually takes 5-15mins the first time) so we've got our trench helmits on ready for another rough night. I hope this bad patch for all means there's a good one coming to balance it out.

Yaaaaawwwwnnn..... To sleep by 8:30, awake at 11, then at 2:40, then marathon from 5am to 7am. Then everyone slept until 8:45.

Hope everyone else had better nights!!

Not too bad. Down at 6.40 with brief awakening at 7.15, then feeds at 10, 1 and 4 then into bed at 5 till 7.30. Doesn't look like a good night on paper but compared to last 3 nights it was great!!!

Had 40 min nap this morning in cot already so hopefully a better day. Still yawwwwwwwwwwwn

I'm reading with bleary eyes. Woke at 9.30, didn't sleep again til 10.30. Awake again 10.45 for feed. Slept fitfully (and only with my nipple again) feeding every now and then. Awake at 5.10am. I convinced him to feed and kept him quiet until 6.10 when I passed him to DH for an hour while I finally got some sleep. We all napped for 40 minutes from 8 this morning but I am still feeling rubbish. I am desperate for those teeth to finally cut so we can (fingers crossed) go back to relatively settled nights.

What a sorry lot we all are!

(Mind you - today's a good day for me 'cause I'm about to go to the cinema with a friend. 3 blissful hours off from baby-duty!!!)

I reckon its the weather. DS was quite possibly cold on Saturday, maybe he wasn't used to having a cold face

Last night we stayed with relatives who clearly don't know how to be quiet, and kept disturbing DS. Dunno about times, but he had 5 feeds between going to bed at 6 and when we finally gave up after 6am (he woke at 5.15, had a feed then spent a while sitting in his cot playing with toys while we tried to keep sleeping (and failed))

DH and I are now exhausted after all that, so we're going to bed in a few minutes. Lets hope tonight is better

Yes, maybe the change in the weather is affecting us all!

Decided yesterday that it was madness to be feeding DD more often in the night than during the day so would only feed every 4 hours to start off with. She went down at 7, then woke at 8.30 then was awake from 9.15 till 10.15, then woke and had a feed at 12. The woke at 2.15 at which point I would normally have fed her but didn't. Just cuddled her and then out her back down. Each time she woke up 5 minutes later and this went on for about 2 hours. Fed her at 4 and spent the next 30 mins getting her to stay asleep. Woke at 6 at which point I obviously wasn't going to do anything but get into bed with her and we slept till 8.

if the 4 hour thing worked we would be feeding about 11 and then 3 and then if she woke anytime after about 5 I will get into bed (Can tackle this bit another time I think). Do you all think this sounds like a reasonable strategy???

I think it sounds reasonable, but as we all know, in the midle of the night, back into bed and feeding to sleep is very tempting. Especially when the baby can't read the clock. I think it would be tough.

Of course, if you think it's for you, go for it.

Personally, I think I've decided to go cold turkey at the end of the month and say no more night feeds . I can't resist the temptation to go to bed and feed her, myself, so I think I'll have just to say 'nothing' and hopefully after a few terrible nights, it'll get better.

As a preparation, I'm puting her to sleep wihtout feeding during the day starting today. Plenty of rocking! We've done one nap and of course that was relatively easy. It's when she's cottoned on to what is happening that there'll be trouble.

They DO cotton on to things quite quickly don't they? You think they have things sorted and their little brains have already got the better of you!!!

Naps without feeds sounds great. Let me know how you get on! I don't have the energy for that at the moment. Naps are still frustratingly only about 35 mins long but don't seem to be able to extend them.

Am sure cold turkey won't be as bad as you think. Hopefully it won't take long for your LO to get the message and then you'll all be sleeping better!

I felt that tackling the naps first would make nights easier. We'll see if it's true. She's one hour and ten minutes into her second 'no feed / in cot' nap of the day. I had to rock her back to sleep after 35 minutes, but she went off much quicker than with feeding TBH. She actually started looking towards her cot when I was rocking her!

Feeling pretty great about this ATM. Two days ago I was so low I couldn't believe it. Seems like this sleeping problem is all peaks and troughs.

By which I mean, if you're down you will be up (and vice versa, LaTrucha tells herself).

Takingit - there's a wee bit of hope for ya. Only a few days later than asked...

God - another post!

PEach - I thought the naps were going tobe the most difficult thing until this morning, when I suddenly changed my mind and decided to go for it.

Thanks LaTrucha - I needed that. Tonight feels like a re-run of last night here. Not good. It is good to hear reminders that it will change eventually.

Had an excellent night last night. DP put her down at 7.15 (only took him 15 mins which is great without feeding) as I was going out for the evening (hurrah!). She woke at 9.15 but it only took him 5 mins to settle her. She then didn't wake till 12.30 so I fed her and she was back down in 10 mins and didn't wake till 5.15 and I got into bed with her. The best thing is I have achieved my own aim of sleeping for more thna 4 hours at a time for the first time in 7 months.

Don't know what made the difference. Could be she had a decent nap yesterday afternoon, or the fact that I didn't feed her at every wakening the previous night, or could be that DP put her to bed. Not sure, and no doubt will not be repeated tonight, but we are definitely moving in the right direction!

Take heart takingit things CAN change!

Well done LaTrucha - that's fantastic, and also must give you confidence that when you cut out night feeds ou will be able to get her back down wihtout too much fuss!

Hi LaT - I think our DDs are about the same age, mine was born 5 Jan. We had 2 blissful weeks of her pretty much sleeping through. And then back to rough patches. But I've also decided no more night feeds as I know she can go without them. As you say, it does mean some very difficult nights as she just won't settle for ages but so far I haven't fed her unless I thought there was a "valid reason". Also, getting DH to settle her has worked quite well. But it is damn tough when you've been up for over an hour and it's only 4:30am....

Takingit - do hope your LO's teeth come through soon, and you can get some more sleep.

We had a good night - took her ages to go down (from 7 to just after 9) but then (look away now if you're feeling very sleep deprived!) she slept to 7am with a murmur somewhere between 4 and 5.