Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

LaTrucha - keep hoping :-) One day (maybe tonight!) your LO will give you a nice surprise

takingit - I always find it hard too, when I know I could stop the crying with just one boob! But I tell myself if I always do that, I'll always have to do that! (and what about when we eventually stop BF, or when I night wean him, which I plan to do at around a year if he's still feeding in the night then!)

We've had a dreadful day with DS sleeping a total of 20-30 minutes in the car on the way to collect our new dog from the Birmingham Dogs Home. That's it!

He's gone down at 6 (no surprises there) so we'll see what happens. Last time he had almost no naps he slept for over 8 hours, but I don't expect that again!

La trucha....well done, i'm surprised you had the patience to try the rocking and putting in cot. I have resorted to putting him in cot when awake letting him cry the doing pupd, it works sometimes but other days it doesn't. Typical boy!!

Oh well at least he is over his cold now, i hope we can keep the daytime naps up and see if the night sleep gets better!!!

xx

La trucha....well done, i'm surprised you had the patience to try the rocking and putting in cot. I have resorted to putting him in cot when awake letting him cry the doing pupd, it works sometimes but other days it doesn't. Typical boy!!

Oh well at least he is over his cold now, i hope we can keep the daytime naps up and see if the night sleep gets better!!!

xx

Hi all,
I'm new here and this is my 1st post!

My DS is 5 months now and has been co-sleeping with us since he was about 2 weeks old. We have always tried to start him off in his crib and try to get him back down there after he wakes. He does seem to know that if he wakes at 3am I'm a zombie and he will deffo come in with us!

Last week we were on hols and DD slept in the travel cot for 6 hours!! This was a huge shock because, until then, he had been waking every 2-3 hours. I would generally feed him and put him back down. Sometimes successfully in his own bed, but generally in with us.

He tends to feed/suck constantly when he is in with me and, when I take my boob out of his mouth, he just cries til I put it back in! I really want to stop this, especially as I am thinking of stopping BF when he gets to 6 months. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks!

Hi finglestick - I think what a lot of people suggest is that you use more than one method for getting them back down, i.e. instead of bf back to sleep every time, try rocking sometimes. The idea being that they will self settle easier if theyu are not going to get bf. I am doing PUPD and it is going ok, although last night she woke every hour and I ended up bringing her into bed at 2am. Am sure it is because of rubbish naps though.

The other thing I have read loads of on MN is that when you stop bf they stop waking so much during the night, so you might be ok with cold turkey!

Set my alrm and got up at 7.30 today and going to really try to do this every day in order to have time to get a good morning and afternoon nap. Going to do PUPD for naps, which I haven't been doing. Such a horrid day, so a good day for staying in getting frustrated over sleep issues!

Welcome finglestick - good to have another aboard. My DS was also a constant sucker and I found the NCSS's method of withdrawing the nipple just before he goes to sleep really helpful. I had to keep trying it for a few nights but it worked in the end. I now have more time when I can sleep on my back which has helped with hip-pain.

DS has another cold so sleep was weird again last night. Again I was very glad of my snot-sucker at 2.30am as he was really upset because he couldn't breath. It sounded like there was a savage beast in our bed (and no - not an exciting one with two backs!). I gave Calpol in the end 'cause his temp was 38.5 and found that he slept really well after that. I wonder if there are any long-term studies of infants given Calpol every night before bed? Bad Takingit!

Anyway - he's miserable so I'll sling him all day. We've visitors arriving tomorrow through to Monday or Tuesday. I was already wondering how it would work with DS's sleep - now that he's ill too I think it will all just go out the window. Que sera.

I know someone who's baby slept through from 3 weeks and other than a couple of days, has basically never woken during the night. I wonder what we would do all day/night if not obsessing over sleep....

DD is down in cot for nap and has been for 20 mins. Huzzah! Am drinking coffee and eating chocolate biscuits. Hee hee

Hi Finglestick - I recommend the NCSS gradual withdrawal too. I rarely get constant sucking now.

Peach - enjoy your coffee!

Takingit - We've given calpol before bed so many times. It doesn't help her sleep though! Hope sleep doesn't go bonkers!

shomes - I'd just had enough - not in a desperate way just determined. Anyway, she didn't cry at all.

I did the 'sleepy but awake' thing again last night and it took THREE minutes of rocking for her to go to sleep. I'm really crosing my fingers now. She did wake at 10.30, 2.30, 4 etc but only ofr a short while and she went back in her cot so easily - wihtout a murmur - until 6 when she came into bed for a cuddle.

She seems to have practically dropped morning nap though - 15v minutes only the last two days. Not worrying about that too much though. Feels so good to have a bedtime that feels like a child's bedtime should!

Good question Peachsmuggler. I think I would waste some that time doing housework that I now know (due to DS's sling habit) isn't as necessary as I once believed. If he napped happily on his own during the day... I might go wild with joy! Think of the books I could read! The music I could play! The food I could eat! No, Talkingit, calm down. It's only a dream...

Wow LaTrucha - I will keep my fingers crossed that your DD has 'got' it now at bed time. It is so encouraging to hear about everyone's successes.

I am typing as I bounce on an exercise ball (not because I am virtuous - simply as it helps DS sleep for longer). I can't stop thinking about that world that Peachsmuggler mentioned, where we do not have to think about sleep because it 'just happens'. It will be beautiful when it arrives. I think I finally have a clear vision of Utopia!

Thank you all! Will try the NCSS thing tonight. Fingers crossed......

LaTrucha - so pleased that things seem to be working for you!

Has anyone found that their LO slept longer at night when DH/DP settles them? DD has been waking every hour, but last Tuesday slept for 3 hours after DP put her down as I was out. Might try this theory out tomorrow night (DP out tonight).

Yes Peachsmuggler we find this with DS too, so DH is always on night-duty. It has revolutionised my evenings, as once we've done the bath and then last feed I just put DS in the cot with a kiss and then DS takes over with PUPD when DS cries (which he has every time so far ). But by having only DH respond in the evening we have made real progress with DS. He used to wake like clock-work after half an hour, then usually once more before he was due a feed. The half-our has stopped completely and some nights he doesn't wake until it's time for his first feed. Bliss when it happens!

Ahh will definitely try this then!!!

DD currently in cot, refusing to sleep and rattling dummy up and down the bars. Sigh...

Whereas I am yet again on the exercise ball. Ain't life grand?!

Yayyy. DD slept in cot last night for whole night for first time...ever I think!

Went down pretty easily at 7 then woke briefly at 8.30. Had feed at 10, then 12.20 then woke at 2.45. Tried to get her back down without feed but gave up and fed her at 3.45 then she slept till 7am.

Normally I would just have brought her into bed at the third wakening but decided to persevere. Hurrah hurrah hurrah.

Also have made slight amendment to PUPD method I have been using. When I put her back in her cot after an awakening or a feed I just put her in, say "Time to go to sleep", give her a kiss and walk out of the room. If she doesn't stop crying in about 2 minutes I go back in do the same again, but often she goes to sleep after about 30 seconds of crying. Before I was staying with her singing and patting till she went to sleep but had found that she was often waking every hour.

Still having almost no luck with naps, but will keep trying!!!

How's everyone else doing today?

Good thanks peach - and well done for persevering.

Bedtimes are still a dream here. She's waking still - very irregularly - last night 10.00, 12.30 5 and 6. I've decided not to take her into bed before 6am and she's doing really well with it. After 6 she's practically ready for the day so bedtime cuddles are the only way I can get some more sleep.

Might even be able to have a sex life soon!

sex...what's that?

Ha ha, i know what you mean my poor dh must think i have turned celibate!! I'm just so knackered by 9pm i'm already wanting to sleep and even then its not a good sleep as find it hard to switch off knowing ds will wake again soon. NCSS Works at nap times and he's not so bad at that at home but bedtime he seems to fight until i have to give in and feed him to sleep even if he doesn;t really need it!! I think by now i'm not even counting the hours i just let him do what he needs to get back to sleep but next week with the help of dh we are going to try a new routine. xx

Shomes - your DS is a bit younger than my DD isn't he? NCSS suddenly started working and I'm sure it was due to her age.

Ok. I wasn't sure when I got up as DH was on night duty this morning but now it's official. DD slept from 8pm to 4.37 straight, only waking once for a rock of two minutes. She slept a little bit after that too.

The awful thing is that I've got a cold, so I still feel terrible!

Oh no, you poor thing LaTrucha. Great news on DD's sleep though eh?

We had a good night too. After a few wakenings in the evening she had a feed and went to sleep at 9.40 and slept till 2.30! That is literally the longest she has slept since she was about 2 weeks old. I fed her and put her back down and she slept till 6. yayyy.

Am going out tonight (huzzah)so will see how she is for DP!

We've still got colds here too LaTrucha - miserable isn't it? Fantastic that your DD has had some great sleeps!!

Peachsumggler I guess you're out as I write this - I hope you're having a great night and that DD is sleeping like a dream-child when you get home. You've reminded me that I am definitely due a night out myself soon... must remind DH.

We survived the guests - but only just. We live in an old house and DS has ears on stalks and wakes at the slightest squeak of a floorboard. All very awkward as we had to keep on at people to tread quietly and he woke up every time someone used the bathroom in the evening. Needless to say, perhaps, daytime sleep training went out the window completely. We'd probably have used the sling in the daytime anyway 'though, as DS is having horrid trouble breathing when lying down at the moment. The snot-sucker is great but not magic. I will see how he is tomorrow and play it by ear. I'd quite like to get him back in the cot during the day soonish otherwise he might forget the routine entirely.

Chairmum how did the sleep go after the napless day??

takingit - I can't remember how he slept exactly, but we've had no bad nights lately (worst case scenario is one DH settled waking then 2 feeds) so it can't have been a problem.

Saturday night I decided I'd had enough and that DH was going to give DS a bottle of expressed milk for his 11-12ish feed so I could sleep some more. Of course I was awake through the whole thing, listening for crying, but everything seemed remarkably calm. DS only took 3oz of carefully expressed milk (wasting 2oz sob). It was a bit of a struggle but there was no crying and although he went back to sleep with little problem he woke up 2 hours later and after a half hearted attempt to settle him I fed him. He did then sleep through till 7.15 though, so that was pretty good.

Last night however, after reasonable naps (1 of an hour, 1 of 45 minutes) and an early bed time DS slept from around 5.50 to after 3.30am!!!! Then one mammoth feed and another sleep from 4-6.15 when he woke ready to play!

I'm just hoping so much that this is a sign of things to come and not a one-off!

Hugs for all those with colds. Must be rotten. Am thinking should definitely get pre-emptive snot-sucker!!

Oh dear takingit. DD is also quite sensitive to noise but getting less so. Wonder if it is an age thing as all the books say they sleep moe deepy as they get older. Remind how old your LO is?

Well done Chairmum, sounds fantastic, and v good news that your DS is taking the bottle.

We've had some really good nights recently. Feel like we have really turned a corner and she is sleeping for longer periods and also going down much easier. Am thinking I should probably try and stretch out the periods between feeds, as often am feeding her more often during the night than during the day

Chairmum - Am I right in thinking you are BLW? We are and was just wondering if you give DD water in a sippy cup? I have given DD this yesterday and just now and she seems to be havign fun with it so far. If you give DS water, do you offer it with every meal? As far as I understand if we are still bf then water is just to get them used to drinking from a cup right?