Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

All sleep plans are on hold as DD's teething is going from bad to worse. She's not really crying but needs a lot of extra love and attention and, needless to say, is sleeping in my bed.

Thanks for the info on teeth - I'm quite excited to see them really which surprises me a I thought I'd be very nervous.

Still not enough sleep today; but we have just looked over our notes and DS has got a little more sleep each day since we started - so we don't feel too mad to be keeping on with it.

Hadeda: Sorry DD is waking again, but I love that you are Bad and Wicked! I am also Bad and Wicked as today I let DS sleep for a sneaky extra 30 minutes becuase he fell asleep on the boob and I just couldn't make myself wake him up to go through another PUPD.

Thanks all - I know I have the cutest DS ever - but its my job as his mummy to think that :-)

I can be bad and wicked too - so much so that when we stayed with a friend (DS was about 5 months or so) we let him sleep anywhere! (of course he was in the same room as us, but I know beanbags are forbidden!)

pictures.codepoets.co.uk/2008_06_13/sany0029.jpg

Anyone else care to share some photos of their lovely DCs?

Bad and wicked all day today only one half hour nap!

Picture of DD on profile

In fact bad and wicked for every sleep, every day! And, in fact, if my brief survey of my friends is anything to go by ALL mums are bad and wicked!

Bad and Wicked over here too I'm sure.

It has all gone wrong!!! She went to bed at 7 last then DP had to go and settle her at 8, 9, 10.30, 11.15. I then took over and she didn't sleep till 2am!!! I was determined that she wasn't coming into the bed. The PUPD didn't seem to be working and she was crying a lot, but I kept thinking if I just took her into bed that we would be back to co-cleeping for the rest of our lives!

Anyway she finally fell asleep at 2 but then woke at 3 at which point, havig only had 1 hour sleep, I brought her into bed till 8.

Needless to say she is exhausted, as am I. Going to have to lie down with her for naps today, as am going out to an infant rescuscitation class tonight so need to be fairly awake for that. Lucky DP gets her all to himself for the evening.

I really hope it was only a blip. Will be so depressed if we go back to the way it was before.

Not supposed to be eating chocolate just now, but can feel a chunky kitkat coming on...

Takingit - It IS exciting when their teeth come in, and soooo cute!

Oh forgot to say, haven't managed to set up a profile page yet. Will do that soon and put up a picture of DD!

I just logged on to post a thread about my 7m old bf co-sleeping child driving me insane and I found this thread.
I instantly thought 'This is me!!!'
DD2 has slept in with us from the start and it was great. As a newborn she would only wake 1-2 times. Fast forward to 7 months and she's waking about 5-6 times every night, it is driving me mad with tiredness.
I really need to get her into her cot as we're all waking each other up and I'm finding that my hips are incredibly painful because I have to spend each night curled up on my side.
DD2 naps quite well during the day, she usually naps from about 9am - 11am, then again from 1pm to 3pm before going to bed at about 7-ish. I've been feeding her to sleep but she will fall asleep on her own occasionally before waking me constantly rolling around and screaming!
I was going to try getting her to sleep on a mattress next to our bed but the PUPD method sounds good so I'll try that first!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one sat there at three in the morning with a screaming baby feeling very depressed about yet another day of tiredness ahead.
I need to sort this out as it is making me into a grumpy mum with DD1. She just wants to play and all I want to do is sit around with a cup of tea trying not to nod off!

LaTrucha what a smiley girl you have! And that little dress is too cute.
I'll try to put up one of DD now.

Well, we had a really good night last night as DD slept through. She went to bed a bit later (just after 8) but then not another sound until just after 7. Hooray!!

Lucyand2 - hello! There are a few people here trying PUPD and having some success so I hope it works for you. If nothing else, we can offer virtual tea and chocolate!!

Have put up a picture. Well, actually 3 - I can never resist sending loads....

So cute, all your LOs!!!

Am going to sort out profile page but in meantime am eating box of chocolates - Thanks Hadeda!!! Really thoughtful of you!

Right, have uploaded photo of DD looking very pleased with herself after first ever food!

Hello all - and welcome Lucyand2. I would think PUPD would probably be a good place to start if all you need to do is shift your DD's sleeping place rather than alter her routine. The other book you might like to look at if you haven't already is the No Cry Sleep Solution. She's got lots of gentle advice on how to do it if you don't mind spending a few weeks on the changeover.

I am a much happier Mum at the moment as I am typing with DS in the sling!!! Feels sooooo right. He's gone to sleep fine every time in the cot with PUPD, but has not yet slept for more than 40 minutes at a stretch. He is looking so wacked out and has stopped being so vocal etc. so DH and I (after very tearful phonecall from me at about 10.30 this morning) have decided to introduce one sling sleep a day just to keep DS a bit healthier-looking. So I'm hoping that this sleep is a good two hours at least.

We are still fans of PUPD in as much as DS is able to fall asleep in his cot - without much crying now. But at just over 4 months I am starting to think he may just not be able to go through more than one sleep cycle on his own. So the plan is to keep on with two cot sleeps a day and drop the sling sleep once he manages a longer stretch in one of those naps.

We are keeping PUPD at night 'cause that really is working. DS slept through to 12.30 before waking for his feed last night which is unheard of for him (normally 10-10.30ish). I think I've definitely been affecting his sleep as much as he mine at night.

I've put a couple of photos on my profile as I've so enjoyed seeing your beautiful little people having heard so much about them on this thread.

Am wondering if someone has stolen my baby and replaced him with the sleeping model. Last night he slept from 8-4, then 415 to 630?????? THEN he slept for three hours this afternoon. Am waiting for the fallout...

We're totally down in the dumps about sleeping/teething tonight. We don't know where to go, need to go somewhere, and know there's no point until we get some bloody teeth. It's really getting to us.

I'm even going to my GP tomorrow to see if she has anything to add.

Sorry I haven't caught up.

Oh LaTrucha I am sorry it's so bad tonight. I can't believe how low this whole sleep thing has made me feel at times (like this morning). I've been cruising this site and reading some encouraging stories to make me feel better. Loads of experienced mums seem to say 'hang in there' 'cause one day they will just 'get' it. I have my fingers crossed that this will happen soon for all our LOs.

I think teething is making our DS a bit grizzly too. He certainly seemed happier when I gave him a frozen teething toy this afternoon. He didn't like it last time I offered it, but today he was slobbering it for ages.

Oh LaTrucha I am sorry it's so bad tonight. I can't believe how low this whole sleep thing has made me feel at times (like this morning). I've been cruising this site and reading some encouraging stories to make me feel better. Loads of experienced mums seem to say 'hang in there' 'cause one day they will just 'get' it. I have my fingers crossed that this will happen soon for all our LOs.

I think teething is making our DS a bit grizzly too. He certainly seemed happier when I gave him a frozen teething toy this afternoon. He didn't like it last time I offered it, but today he was slobbering it for ages.

Iwant - you live right near me! I'm in Morden. And well done on the long sleep, hope you slept well too.

LaT - sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with the teeth. Is she running a temperature? - my DD had quite a temperature wth her tooth. If so, some calpol might help? Sending you lots of gum numbing vibes, poor little DD.

Hadeda-Fancy meeting up sometime?
Well, I shouldn't have spoken so soon. Crucifying night last night. Struggled to keep him up to 8 only to be woken at 1, 3, 4, 5, 6. It hurts. I want to cry. I really thought we'd found the answer. I think, like so many of you, that it is grumbling teeth. I hear him scratching away at the sheet while his hands make it up to his mouth. I'm exhausted and thinking maybe my plan to start trying again next month is a bit stupid.
Big hugs to all of you who are down. What is it they say? This too shall pass...I hope so.

LaTrucha- Personally I found that Nurofen is 400x better than Calpol for teething pain. Have you tried that?

LaTrucha - You poor thing. I think what people don't understand when you are going through these things is that it is not really the lack of sleep that is so awful (though that in itself is not a bed of roses). It's more the constant frustration of not seeing any improvement. I don't know about you but I feel I spend so much time and energy thinking and doing things about sleeping, that when it all goes wrong, I can feel really down. Big hug for you and your DD.

I was feeling rubbish yesterday as a result of terrible night but last night was fantastic. I was out (at an infant rescuscitation class which I can highly recommend) so DP had to put DD to bed. She woke for feeds at 10.30 and 2 and then I brought her into bed at 5. Also, I slept in my own bed for the first time in months and just had the monitor on. Initially I was planning to stay through with her after the first wakening, but at 2 I thought, since she had managed to sleep for 3 hours without a peep that I would go back and she then slept for another 3. Am sure I had been waking her up by being in the same room.

Iwant - poor you. It is so frustrating when they have a good night and then a bad one isn't it. You think they have cracked it and then you go backwards! Try and hang on to the good days, and believe it will get better soon. Am sure it will!!!

Hugs for the bad nights, they just wear you down, and make the next day even harder.

DS had a sort of bad night last night, but it actually felt fine. He was out all day with his auntie (8.30 - 3.30!) while I was at work and was happy all day, plus he had a two hour nap in the middle of the day! (although that was the only one) He was asleep before 6, then woke at 9.30, 2.45 and 5.30. However, when I brought him into bed at 5.30 he actually went back to sleep (while feeding) till 7! So more wakeups, but one was just after I'd climbed into bed, so it didn't really disturb my sleep (just put it off!)

We also had a bit of a breakthrough with DH settling him. He woke again at around 10.30, when he'd only been asleep half an hour, and I was in a mood (tired) so I made DH go and see him. A bit of bonjella and some cuddles in the dark, and 15 minutes later he's asleep again!

Its so hard trying to decide whether to stick to the stricter routine, or go with the flow (which we seem to do unless its a real problem)

Soooo great when DH/DP can settle them eh? Really takes the pressure off you, as they can always tell if you are feeling upset/frustrated and it stops them resettling.

Might try to read through HSHHC on naps again, as I'm not sure what to do. I think she can go for longer than 2 hours between naps, but it seems that she can go 3 or 4 hours without displaying tired signs (or more likely I am missing them!), which can't be right surely???

Might try for a nap again now...

THanks for the support.

PEach - my DD can definitely go for longer than two hours between naps. If it's getting silly I try to put her to sleep for a fixed period of time, say 20 minutes, and if she shows no sign of wanting it, I stop and try again in 30 minutes or so.

Chairmum - I know what you mean about deciding whether to be striter or not. I'm going to post my GPs suggestions below. SOund fairly sensible and she's a mum, so she should have some idea!

Iwant - sorry last might was so bad. We have tried nurofen. I can't decide which works better for her.

Takingit - I hope teething doesn't throw Lo out too much. We have had temperatures up to 39 degrees. I simply can't believe it.

Hadeda - sorry LO decided not to play ball. How was last night.

Well, after emergency measures - DH going to sleep downsatirs, DD in bed with me. Last night wasn't too horrendous. Her first sleep was 3 and a half hours, awake for an hour, asleep for 90 minutes then waking and sleeping. Actually feel ok, but fed up with teething completely. Still no teeth and no respite.

GP had some ideas that I think are reasonable to try, although not until teething is over. Firstly, to wake her up and feed her a solid feed just before I would ideally like to go to bed to try and manipulate her 'long sleep' into one that's more convenient for us. She said she did it with her bad sleeper and it helped, although don't tell the HV!

Secondly, to stop bf in the night.

Thirdly, to do controlled crying.

She said introduce one at a time and give it time to work. Pretty much common sense really, although I do like the first idea.

I think I'm going to talk to DH and see how he is about these. The first isn't a problem but the second two need agreement. It's bad timing though as we can't start until her teeth come through and he's a lecturer and starts teaching timetable for the year in 10 days.

I think I might be ready to try no bf and then CC.

I think I'

peachsmuggler - I think they skip the tired signs when they're doing something fun.

Our naps are improving now I'm leaving DS longer between them. I try for 2.5-3 hours before morning nap (the earlier he wakes, the longer we leave him), 3-4 before lunchtime(ish) nap and then 4 or so before bedtime (depending on how long he slept)

Of course it only works that way sometimes, as we have stuff to do, places to go and babies that aren't predictable, but when we get it right, it seems to be working better!