Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

She is 6 months. I think BW said to do similar things for 4-6 months, but after the initial night of doing quick PUPDs I felt she would get to sleep quicker if I held her for longer which seems to be working. I guess the ultimate aim is to be able to put them in their cot at bedtime/naptimes and have them go to sleep on their own, however although we haven't achieved this yet we have achieved the following

1. Am able to get her down after feed at 7 in less than 30 mins (actually only takes few mins now)
2. She sleeps for 3-4 hours at a time (am thinking this will naturally extend as she gets older)
3. If she wakes, and I leave her grumbling she can settle erself in a couple of mins
4. If she doesn't settle then I can get her back down with less than 10 mins of PUPD (mostly just cuddling)
5. If I am feeding her during night, she goes back down straight away without any crying or picking up
6. DP is able to get her down as easily as me

Am thinking we will keep going like this for a while and maybe work on the putting down and leaving to settle if the current way becomes a problem.

I really hope the PUPD works for you, as it has been absolutely brilliant for us. Last night I read 50 pages of a book!!!! And I don't mean Heat magazine!!!

Those are huge steps forwards Peach! I am soooooo looking forward to reading book again that aren't all about babies' sleep. That's one of the things I have on my list of things I will do when DS finally naps in his cot.

Hurrah! It takes a little adjustment before you can read a book. I found the first few times DD slept ion her cot I ran around the house like a BAF tidying and cleaning.

I have got over that stage though...

Suggest you have extra big box of ferraro rocher to congratulate yourselves once DS is asleep tonight!!!

Oh would love to... but DH won't buy any more for a while as he's of the 'if you have it too often it's not a treat' school of thought, and I am too lazy today to wander off to the Co-op in search of chocolate.

Morning all,

Its great to see all your progress!

We're pretty much static here. Naps are rubbish, but apart from the last couple of days when DS hasn't been very well (vomited up at least an entire feed yesterday while I was out at work, got a bit of a cold, and those teeth are definitely on the way) we're on two night wakings, then up around 6.30, which is working well.

I bet it all changes soon - maybe for the better, maybe for the worse!

Another night without the 30 min grizzles, which is good. DS is not quite over his cold so I am trying to decide whether to put off PUPD for another 24 hours or to start tonight as planned. Not sure. What do you think?

takingit - maybe you shoudl wait. the first night for us was the most difficult and took 1 hour 40 mins to get her to sleep. If your DS has a cold, you might get so far through and then decide that he really needs fed for comfort or whatever due to his cold and then it will all have been for nothing. It seems like you are not desperate to sort it right now, so why don't you wait and see how he is tomorrow?

p.s. am loving your DH's Calvinist attitude to ferraro rocher. I will try to take a leaf out of his book when it comes to carrot cake consumption!

We had another night waking at 10.30 and 2.30 for feeds. Hurrah! She then woke at 5 so I brought her into bed till 8. Could totally live with this if it continues.

Thinking of starting off the night (after the 10.30 feed) in my own bed with DP with monitor on then when she wakes at 2.30, moving through to her room in spare bed for the rest fo the night. She still seems so little (6 months) to be sleeping on her own, but getting a bit sick of not sleeping with DP.

What are everyone else's sleeping arrangements???

Ok, have been thinking about not posting this as it might jinx my good luck but .... last 3 nights DD has slept through!! We have varying battles to get her to go to sleep - last night took an hour - but once down she is [whispers] staying asleep until about 7am!

And on a completely different topic - took my last pill today so DH and I are officially TTC! Although I'm still bf DD 4 times a day so will have to see whether AF comes back. Wish us luck!! DD took a year to come along but I'm hoping we won't have to wait that long for no 2.....

Sorry - not much time to catch up

Congratulations HAdeda. ANy secret or did she just do it? At least you'll have some time for TTC

WEll done Peach - sounds good.

Funny here. DD is now refusing to let DH put her down the first time, but is waking and putting herslef back to sleep, and will let DH cuddle her back to sleep at night. The first time he had to was 1.30 last night and he put her back without feeding. First feed was at 4.45. So god and bad.

Sorry not to have more time to catch up.

Wow Hadeda, that's fantastic news. Well done. Also good luck with TTC!!

Since sleeping better at night, our naps seem to have gone haywire. She seems to be going longer between naps, which could be she is less tired and also she is getting older so is awake more, but sometimes she is going for hours and hours with no signs of tiredness. She has just gone down having only had a 30 min snooze on my lap this morning. Hmmmm

I am typing with gritted teeth tonight as DH is upstairs with DS doing PUPD. DS is over his cold (he's been fine all day) so we decided to go for it. All has been quiet upstairs for 10 minutes now - but it was almost constant crying for 45 minutes before then. I am now unable to enjoy the quiet 'cause I'm just waiting for the crying to restart.

Lovely to have such good news to read as I wait though! Very exciting Hadeda about the TTC and sleeping through - how fantastic!

Peach our sleeping arrangement since DS was about 3 weeks old has been all three of us in the bed. DS on the bedside-cot-side (occasionally in it) then me, then DH. DH slept in the spare room once when we were all three ill recently as he needed to get some sleep for work. Otherwise we've just all been sticking it out together. DS is pretty quiet at night, so DH mostly doesn't hear him at all.

LaTrucha it is weird how they go through these phases isn't it? DS decided a couple of weeks ago now that he wouldn't let my DH settle him in the evenings anymore. The silence upstairs now (thank goodness) suggests that he may finally have changed his little mind about that!

I'll keep you all posted as to how the rest of tonight goes. We've decided to do PUPD until we go to bed ourselves (around 10ish - I'm shattered) when we will bring him into our bed for the rest of the night.

Sorry about the long post everyone - it's the nervous energy!

wow - takingit sounds like things are going great! Can't wait to hear your update in the morning!

Well, I guess you'd have to say last night went well - even if we are a little haggard after it! He didn't wake up again until after I posted - so 10pm which is when we went to bed. There was a sleep-grizzle at about 9.15 which DH settled by going in and putting a hand on DS's tummy and DS didn't wake.

So... I am about to start PUPD for his first nap as he's beginning to look sleepy. Am feeling quite nervous.

TIAIC - YOu mean he didn't wake again in the whole night? !!!!

How's it going Peach?

Still totally mixed here. Thinking of going for full-on PUPD. ?????

Ha ha - no LaTrucha, after that we just had a normal night with feeds at 2.25am and then 5.45am, waking at 6.50 for the day. We have decided that we want to keep co-sleeping for another 2 months (so til 6 months roughly) so we're bringing him into our bed when we go to sleep ourselves.

But (drum roll) as I type now he is asleep in his cot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for shouting, but that's the first time I have managed to get him in there for over 2 months! So... PUPD works for us so far. Wow.

TIAIC - do you think PUPD has made a big difference as yet? Am considering it.

LaT (hope you don't mind the shorter name) I was really unsure of it 'cause I'd tried a watered down version a couple of weeks ago and had no success. This time DH and I are sticking totally to the book and.... yet again I am typing as DS sleeps in his cot! So, yes, there is a major difference already. I have put him down for two cot sleeps in one day after having no luck with the cot since he was a few weeks old (and even then it was really hit-and-miss). This time it took 30 mins of PUPD, but only about 5 mins of actual crying if I added it all up. And he was crying less hard than he did this morning, so I think he's getting the idea. I am feeling better about it now as I've done it myself twice (listening to DH do it last night was hard) and I know that at no point does DS actually get really distressed. Admittedly his sleep this morning was 30 mins shorter than usual, and I have yet to see how long he lasts this time. But our problem was that he never sleeps in his cot at all, so I'll worry about length of naps later if I need to.

Ok - his sleep just then was almost an hour shorter than normal. This will be ok for a couple of days, but not much more than that as I don't want to swap one problem (the sling sleeps) for an even bigger one (an overtired baby). However, as I said earlier, I won't worry about it just yet. Am going to take DS out for a walk now as I'm supposed to keep him awake until his next usual nap time.

Great news takingit (apart from the naps!).

Our naps are a bit rubbish but am sure it is because she is sleeping much longer at night.

That was our third night in a row (I think) of going down at 7ish (after 10 mins PUPD) then up for feeds at 11, 2.30 then into bed with me at 5 till about 7.30. PUPD rocks. It's official!!!

So... I am really tired after a day of PUPD but am encouraged enough to keep going despite the fact that DS had 2 whole hours less sleep than usual today ( am I a bad Mum??).

He went down for both his third nap and for night sleep just now without any picking up! He woke very early from third nap, and I kept on with the PUPD for another 45 mins with only another 5 mins sleep out of him; but he has been asleep for 30 minutes already and counting for his night sleep.

Peach I am starting to agree - PUPD does rock. Very glad to hear you are still having good results with it!

Oh bugger, I did jinx myself! But not too badly - DD woke up at 2am last night but fed and then went back to bed. No rhyme or reason. I also went to book club last night and had a brill girlie evening so life is looking good.
I'm really not sure whether the sleeping is anything we've done. My only real change has been to be very conscientious about naps and make sure she has one a day at home. But apart from that, I just can't tell. DD has had slow weight gain issues since birth (a whole different thread) and finally doubled her birth weight at 7 months which is round about when she started to sleep longer and now finally through - but perhaps that's just coincidence.

Takingit - hope you had a good night! It sounds like PUPD is working for you and Peach so really hoping that continues for you both. And well done on getting him to sleep in his cot during the day .
Peach - I promise to post your book back to you tomorrow or Mon! Thanks so much for the loan.

Peach - TIAIC - watching your progress with great interest.

Hadeda - my DD is little too and gains weight slowly. My hunch is that this sleeping thing is just a matter of time too. I hope she keeps satying asleep for you!

Hi all - DS had a good night last night, but I didn't sleep at all well 'cause I've been feeling guilty because he didn't eat as well as usual during the night (he kept falling asleep during his feeds) and terrible about how little nap time DS is getting. He's slept in his cot again today - but yet again he's about 2 hours down on his usual nap duration. What to do??? I feel like I am toturing my baby. He's always had plenty of sleep before - it's just always been in the sling rather than his cot. He's had red eyes all day from lack of sleep.

I've just re-read parts of the Babywhisperer book and she predicts that parents will feel this way... but still. How many days of sleep-deprevation are too many? Will it do him long-term damage? Am I being ridiculous to put him through all this when he has up til now slept plenty? My back is more sore now than before - from all the picking him up and leaning over the cot.

I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing for him now. Gulp.

Whether it's going to work or not, you need to give it enough time to work, IYSWIM. Hang on in there. You've come this far you may as well give it a good shot.

May you all have peaceful nights tonight.

Thanks LaTrucha, am feeling a bit less emotional about it (I have eaten dinner which always helps my moods ). You are right - I have to give it time, especially now we've started as I would hate myself even more if this stress was 'wasted'. And it does seem to be getting results. DH came home and pointed out that (on looking over my notes) DS had 40 minutes more sleep today than yesterday so, although he's completely over-tired, he is sleeping longer in his cot already.