Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Yeah - I'm pretty lucky with my DH. We've just been talking it through and he's for PUPD for five days followed by CIO if it doesn't start working during that time period. I'm not convinced I will be able to cope with CIO; but will cross that bridge if it comes to it.

Still mulling the co-sleeping thing over. Thanks for your replies ladies.

Am slightly distracted tonight as I keep waiting for DS to wake - he's not made a peep since I put him down... yay!

He did it again!
He is 22weeks.
If the awful sleep hadn't been going on for so long I'd have said it was a growth spurt it's worked so well.
I put him down an hour earlier last night so he was asleep by about 7:45, and his wake times moved by an hour too, so he woke up at almost 2am and 5am, then 7:30am.
At 5 after he had a feed and was finished he was still awake when I put him in his cot and I was expecting kicking off, but he was fine and just drifted off to sleep by himself.

Excellent work VS! You must be so chuffed!!!

We had a bit of a poor night again, waking every hour in the evening and then every 2 hours at night. However front two teeth are almost through, so hopefully things will improve.

Have spent last hour doing PUPD for nap with no luck. Having 10 min break with her on my lap as per BW and will try again.

Anyone else got a movement sensor monitor? Ours has gone off twice in last week giving me fright of my life. I've run and woke her up both times but don't know if she had actually stopped breating or, as I suspect, moved off the sensor pad. Eeeeek

I'm finding it harder to get him down for naps than anything, but (not sure if this is good or bad) after about ten minutes of PUPD he gets hungry so I feed him and he goes down almost asleep and settles ok, but he'll only feed after we've been doing PUPD for a while.
Does it matter too much how he gets to sleep or is it just that he has the naps?

Wow VS that sounds brilliant! Which method9s0 have you been using to get him to this point?

Peach we don't have a movement sensor, but did have to spend a week in hospital with DS when he was very little. I slept next to him in the babies' ward and consequently learnt how many false alarms are normal with those sensors. They were driving the nurses slightly mad. Apparently they have to be set on such high sensitivity in order to detect a real breathing stoppage that they also pick up anything like the baby shifting or just shallow breathing for a while or whatever.

DH and I have an action plan now - to be started on Wednesday night (we're all three still a bit sick as yet so will wait another couple of days). It's to be PUPD; cot sleeps for all three naps; cot sleep for the first part of the night and back into our bed once he wakes during the night. I'm not ready to give up the lovely cuddles yet!

Whoops - cross-posted there VS. Glad PUPD is working for you at night.

Thing is, at night he isn't waking, except for feeds and I don't mind feeding twice at night, as he is going about 4hourly now.
I'm quite content with a very early morning feed and a feed just before we get up (when he also comes into our bed for snuggles).
It's just getting him to sleep when we put him down in the first place.
I'm not sure PUPD is working as I give in and feed, lol.

VS - I think it's most important that they HAVe the naps ...

although God knows why you'd listen to me. DD has raging teething. She's finding it so hard to sleep and 've whipped out the Calpol / Ibuprofen again. The dentist took a quick look at her the other day nad thought a top one was coming through but to me it looks like the bottom ones on either side of the ones she's got. Actually, by the looks of herit's all three. Waking every 45 minutes and into bed at 2am last night. It was the only way, the poor little poopet.

I think teething is part of what set DS's sleeping all off kilter, that and summer holidays.
Because the elder two were home it was totally different routine-wise and he was waking up after his 45minutes, and realising he was in pain so not settling well.

Poor you LaTrucha you must all be shattered.

I agree that having naps is important... but the BW woman and the HSHHC man would both say that you should stick to the plan for 5 days to up to a fortnight even if it means less sleep for that period as the extra sleep the LO will get once the problem is sorted will be worth it. I'm not sure how I feel about that myself.

Well, I went to bed at 9, saying, 'this'll be a bad night,' and DH took the reins until two so I was only woken for a few seconds while he came to get her in that time. I find it miraculous / very worrying that I actually don't feel that bad.

VS - that was exactly what was happening when I joined this thread in July!

That's great LaTrucha... 5 hours of sleep sounds like a total luxury at the moment. DS was having trouble breathing again last night and so was grizzly and popping off during feeds. Poor little pet (or poopet as you said earlier). I've been employing the snot-sucker to great effect this morning. Am a little worried as the 'trophies' are now greenish.

lol poopet. She can be that sometimes! Usually she's just a poppet

Sorry the cold is still with you. Does green not mean snot production is slowing down?

TIAIC, have you got the cot mattress raised?

Takingit - Thanks for the info on the monitor. I think you are right, it is probably just shallow breathing or something. Can't decide whether monitor makes me feel secure, or just paranoid!!!

VS - It sounds like whatever you are doing, it is working so don't worry about what it is! The reason I am using PUPD is that my DD was waking ALL the time and needed bf to go back to sleep. If you can get your LO down in the evening and they then only wake twice, I would say just keep doing what you're doing, as DS is obviously self-settling during the night (given that they are supposed to briefly wake up every hour). The problem with my DD was that she wasn't which is why we are doing PUPD.

Naps are tricky. But if your DS is having a decent nap I don't think it really matters how you get him to sleep to be honest. Most of the books you read will say having good naps is the key to good night-time sleep so get them any which way!

DD has just gone to sleep in cot 2 hours after we first started trying, though had a biggish break in the middle and ended up feeding her almost to sleep in the end as her teeth are clearly hurting her, poor poppet/poopet/pooper-scooper!

Ah, she is awake....

Well we haven't done anything differently, but we've now had two nights in a row without the 30 mins grizzles at bedtime. Very pleased with the wee one . Am also feeling warm inside because I've just eaten 4 ferrero rocher and they were fabulous .

Hi everyone. I haven't been on recently as dd has been dealing with 2 teeth coming through which has been a nightmare as she has barely slept. Have been like the walking dead but hopefully now they've both broken through the gum the worst is over? She's been too out of sorts to even think about trying any get-to-sleep methods anyway.

Had a quick read of the thread and seems like a lot of wee victories for people, good news, well done. Also have to agree about naps. I've decided that the stress of the impossible task of getting dd to take the 'correct' amount of naptime way outweighs the beneficial effects at night time - which have so far been none. So she can sleep when she sleeps for now!

Sympathy Lucy - we're the same here.

Am in agreement about naps too Lucypearl - yesterday she had 2 very random naps which were a struggle to get and yet had best night sleep ever, going straight down at 7.15 and only waking for a feed at 10.30 and 2.30. She came into bed at 6 and I thought she was going to stay awake, but then slept till 8. Hurrah. Am sorry your LO is having such a tough time with her teeth. Must be miserable.

takingit - am V jealous of your chocolate eating antics. Am trying to lose some weight, but in a kind of half-assed, notreallytrying way. It is dull.

Maybe I was just so tired that I slept through some 'sneaky feeds' (when DS attaches himslf to me without me coming awake enough to notice) but I think he only fed at 10.45pm and 4am then 6.45 when we all woke up this morning. Wow! Perhaps I should throw all the books in the bin and let him just grow up a bit before I start messing with him??? (I realise this is just cowardy-custard talk because tomorrow is D day for starting PUPD).

Peaches Sorry I dangled virtual ferrero in front of your nose last night! I'm too tired this week to think about nutrition. Just sanity eating.

takingit - good girl. Sanity eating is clearly the way forward!

Have you decided how you are going to do the PUPD? Are you going for it at all naps and wakenings (except designated feeds) or doing a kind of watered down version like some of us on here??

We've decided to go with the full-on BW version for 4 month olds. We'll do it for all naps and for the first sleep of the night (anything before DH and I have gone to bed ourselves). So... we'll do our wee nap routine, put DS down and say 'time to sleep now' and then try shush-pat once he starts crying, followed by picking him up if that doesn't settle him in a minute or two. Then we will put him down the moment he stops making noise. She also says to put them down if they arch their backs away from you (which he is bound to do) as it is not good to 'fight' with them; rather just put a hand on their back/side or tummy and wait for them to calm. The other 'rule' for 4 month old PUPD is to not hold them for more than 3-4 minutes at a time. Put them down and pick them up again if necessary, but otherwise they don't get the idea in her opinion. During the day you only keep going for as long as the nap should be (1 1/2 -2 hours), and at night you just go for as long as it takes.

So... it all sounds a bit hard and scary. But I think I'll be able to follow through seeing as DH has agreed to do the night shift.

You'll be fine, especially with DH on board. Will be interested to see how it goes. Our watered down version seems to be going well but would be curious to know what stage we would be at now if we did the proper version.

The main thing is you can amend as you go along and do what is right for you.

Good luck!

Your LO is a similar age to mine, I think? I'd be happy to look up different age instructions for you though if not.