Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

Yes @Goingncforthisone persisting with the Gaviscon although my baby hasn't pooed since Saturday night (it's now Tuesday morning- hes had plenty of pee, though) and I'm worried Gaviscon may have something to do with that.

The lactation consultant/sleep consultant I memtioned thar I hired said that she thinks it's colic, and that reflux is over-diagnosed these days. With colic, she said, theres no eeal explanation as to why it happens and it's just a matter of waiting until it passes as there are no medicines that have been proven to work (studies have shown that Infacol is no better than water, plus I'm not going to give him Gavison and Infacol at the same time).

Have you tried probiotics? The biogaia protectis ones claim a 50% reduction in crying time from colic.

Gaviscon absolutely could be responsible for your baby’s constipation and it can be dangerous for babies to not pooh for several days (especially as newborns). Our baby struggled with constipation due to his milk allergy (one of the reasons it was picked up quite late - they more often get diarrhoea- fortunately I persisted with my gut instinct and the dietician confirmed his allergy, despite our rubbish GP having said no). They said that the longer the pooh sits in the colon, the more chance there is for toxins to reabsorb and obviously the smaller the baby, the more dangerous that can be.

Speak to your GP urgently today about the constipation and whether you should stop the Gaviscon. They may be able to prescribe Laxido or similar to help him have a bowel movement. He’ll likely be uncomfortable from being backed up anyway, which won’t help with the crying and not sleeping.

My son was on both Gavsicon and Laxido until his milk allergy was sorted so trust me, I have experience with this! Please don’t just leave it.

It’s so tricky being a first time mum, and even when you’re not a FTM, having a new baby is still really hard. It can be such a minefield trying to balance everything. Believe it or not, you are doing a great job. You’re not giving up and you clearly care about your baby very much. Remember, “parenting is only hard for good parents” because the bad parents don’t care!

I am in the other camp, I think colic is often diagnosed when health professionals don't know the core reason.

But it is good that the GP is listening, do go back to the same one if Gaviscon isn't helping.

Hopefully the Gaviscon will help some way and yes it does firm up poos. Have they advised to give water or anything alongside?

Hope things improve for you soon.

Good advice here to get help on the constipation today. I remember it firming up poos but not stopping them x

Was your baby bottle fed? Because I was told it's completely normal and ok for breastfed babies not to poo for days but that it is a problem for bottle fed. Since OP is breastfeeding, her baby should be fine (though could well be a bit uncomfortable, so tummy massages etc could help).

He was combi-fed, unfortunately my supply didn’t come in well due to a traumatic birth that ended in a cat. 1 emergency c-section. I have other health issues and a disability so my body put everything into trying to heal and absolutely nothing improved my supply (diet, power pumping, hydration, supplements… I tried it all and it was exhausting). I went dairy free for him for 9 weeks once his milk allergy was identified but at 14 weeks my body just stopped producing. He was on special formula by then anyway so all his poohs we’re liquid by that point, which was honestly such a shock in comparison to the constipation 😂 but we were told it was normal, as there were no milk proteins to digest so the bile doesn’t get used up and turns the pooh liquid lol. And green! Would’ve been nice to be warned about that beforehand though. 🤣 Once we started weaning at 6 months everything firmed up again but he still gets bouts of constipation and sometimes needs Laxido again. I had a milk allergy myself as a kid, as did my sister and both her kids, but most of us were able to progress through the milk ladder fortunately (apart from my nephew who has CMPA) so I’m expecting my son to eventually be ok too. He can tolerate small amounts of cooked milk now e.g. in a biscuit so I’m hopeful.

Hi. My baby was like this. It was unspeakably dreadful.

I also tried everything that people said was a game changer. Like co sleeping. It didn’t work. At around 4 months or so, he did at least start to settle if we were co sleeping. I also tried formula, didn’t make a difference. Ewan the sheep didn’t help, warming the cot didn’t help, tilting the cot didn’t help, waiting 20 mins before putting him down didn’t help, white noise didn’t help, lavender scent didn’t help, swaddling didn’t help, resting my hand on him didn’t help, lowering slowly into cot didn’t help. I asked everyone I could what would help and no one could give me anything that worked. Basically none of it helped as he just didn’t want to be on his back.

He did get diagnosed with reflux and ranitadine meds helped a bit, as did just getting a bit older. I really feel for you. It’s nothing you’re doing wrong, some babies are just like that.

Just wanted to reassure that when people say their children didn’t sleep til they were 2 or 3, we don’t mean they were like your baby is now. My children didn’t sleep through until they were between 2-3 years old, but this Velcro contact sleep stopped in the first few months. You really are in the eye of the storm right now. The first 6 weeks is intense, and then things get easier. There are growth spurts and developmental milestones that cause hiccups along the way (growth spurts; 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks & 20-ish weeks) but these are all temporary and life becomes predictable after a few days.

I’m glad you found the breastfeeding group helpful, the one I volunteer at is like a mum & baby social, and most mums come every week just to chill and hang out with other local mums, long after they’ve stopped needing active support with breastfeeding problems.

Things will improve soon. Hang in there.

gaviscon is well known for blocking up and imo unless the reflux is very mild , it doesn’t do much

those who rave about gaviscon often don’t have severe reflux

if you feel it is silent reflux then ask for omeprazole - also reflux is often a symptom so need to find the cause whether cmpa or something else

Your baby must be been a long time ago as yes ranitadine was amazing - it hadn’t been used or prescribed since think 2019

it really was fantastic and I do miss it when supporting and advising mums. Omeprazole is good but R was def better an so much easier to give 😀

I did read something a while back - USA maybe bringing it back as been over 5yrs discontinued but UK hasn’t sadly

Please go see a doctor for your baby. Even if Gaviscon could cause constipation, it is not normal for a baby that young not to poo in this long, even if breastfed (that is a misconception)!

Also, I don't know who you are seeing as a lactation consultant (are they ICBLC?) but their advice sounds weak and seems like they've not even checked baby's latch or other causes for reflux? Reflux is a symptom, which Gaviscon can help with but it won't cure the cause. You need to get to the bottom of the root cause and fix that.

See- this. I don't think I can last for four months. I am.on my own, as I have said, and my mum is a good help, but I am struggling greatly. Of all the possible solutions that have been helpfully suggested, co-sleeping was the most recurrent, and the one I has greatest hope for,but neither my baby nor I get any sleep when we try to co-sleep. He doesn't settle after a feed- he goes from one breast to the other, for hours on end. His weight gain is going well (the health visitor weighed him yesterday) but he has an appetite that keeps me up for hours when he's not crying uncontrollably at night, so I don't think I will survive four months.

What did the lactation consultant/BF group say about his latch?

With all due respect OP, the time has come for you to consult your GP. If you can't get any sleep, if you can't even have a shower, put baby in the pram to have a walk etc then he needs to be checked over. I know babies feed a lot, mine did, but I still managed to shower, go out for a walk every day ( I did that when both were 4 days old), and I could leave them in the pram to sleep in the day. The time they slept varied but it did become 3 hours fairly quickly between feeds. They were both greedy piggies . No one here can diagnose if there is an issue, or what it is. People are suggesting various things and are well meaning, but I truly think you have reached the point where he needs to be checked over.

Yes it’s a GP job OP. My baby was exactly the same, turned out she had allergies and reflux. GP
prescribed omeprazole and I cut out dairy and soya which is wasn’t that difficult, and things really improved.

His behaviour is pretty textbook for CMPA or another allergy. My baby’s nappies didn’t get really green and mucusy until she was two months old but her behaviour was like this. Reflux babies also comfort feed so could be that too or both. Constant feeding and being difficult to settle suggests tummy pain.

I get it. I remember thinking if I could just get two hours sleep in a row I’d be ok. Everyone said to me that co sleeping would be a game changer but it’s no good if your baby won’t lie down.

Combi feeding with formula did help so that someone my partner could take over and do some feeds. I know this isn’t possible for you. But it certainly didn’t make him sleep longer between feeds or be able to go in a cot.

The only thing I didn’t try was an automatic pram rocker.

“ also reflux is often a symptom so need to find the cause whether cmpa or something else “

100% agree with this. Meds for reflux can reduce the severity, but ultimately figuring out what’s causing it is the only real solution. I agree with everyone who’s suggesting you go back to the GP

Oh OP - this sounds so difficult.

Have you had an IBCLC come and look at him feed? As good as online sessions can be for talking things through, nothing can compare to a face to face assessment. It’s great that your baby is gaining weight but the fact that’s he’s needing so feed so often to gain weight, as well as being in pain and crying, suggests that there is a problem somewhere.

I don’t know if you have done so or not, (or even considered it) but I would get him assessed by a qualified tongue tie practitioner to make sure there there is nothing amiss with any part of his oral anatomy/structures (they can assess for far more than just a tongue tie) that may be what is causing him to have feeding difficulties, pain and colic.

Also textbook for tongue tie! I was convinced DD had CMPA (even came off dairy myself for weeks) but it was TT.

I know you won’t be thinking this right now but you will miss this stage when they are older. Getting baby out of the house for some fresh air and natural daylight really does help with get used to knowing the difference between night and day. Baby groups can be a bit cliche but if your child enjoys the group it’s worth it.

@Queenoftartts beg to differ! My baby was like the OP’s and I didn’t miss the newborn stage for a minute, I still remember it with a shudder. In fact the only silver lining was that it made all future stages feel like a breeze in comparison 😁 even toddler tantrums.

Sorry to disagree with you Queen,

But of it helps OP,

My second baby was exactly like yours and it was a fucking nightmare. I was beyond exhausted, I was so unhappy and miserable and life was hell for 4 months.

He’s 8 years old now and I do NOT miss that stage at all 🤣

He’s 8 you say. Mine are fully grown adults. I had years of hardly any sleep. Both have severe autism and ADHD. He does sleep better now only because he has a sedative. But yes I do miss the newborn stage.