Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

How are you today @Jennifer48?

Just checking in with you @Jennifer48

Thank you for asking @Ileithyia I'm OK but still so exhausted. He still only sleeps on my chest or on a cushion in front of me. When I put him down, however gently I think I'm doing it, he wakes crying a few minutes later. The lack of sleep is torture for me.
I've an appointment with a consultant psychiatrist on Thursday but I don't know what she can do concretely with regards to lack of sleep

So you’ve not tried co sleeping yet?

Dd1 eventually started swaddling her dd as before that she'd just contact nap.

I have! Not last night but a couple of nights before. I had one arm above his head, the other below his body, I think it'd called the C- curl. Maybe I wasn't doing it right but my baby didn't settle. When I put him put of my arms, even though it was to set him right beside me, he sensed it and woke up. I'm hoping time will change things because nothing that has been mentioned, very kindly, by various people as being a "game changer" has proved to be so for me. I gave him a pacifier last night but he fussed and was so unsettled, poor wee man, I eventually had to lift him up.

Did you feed him to sleep while lying down? Thats the key to successful cosleeping for me!

Sleep deprivation is used as torture, so yes, it’s awful. My eldest baby was exactly as you describe, would only sleep on my chest or in my arms, woke as soon as I tried to put them down. Nothing we tried worked, not warming the noses basket, using one of my (worn) T-shirts as a sheet, nothing. Once we got the hang of feeding laid on our sides I was able to get some sleep, but before that it was brutal.

I suspect the psychiatrist may discuss various options with you, from coping strategies to medication. Do you have a history of mental health difficulties? Or has the midwifery/health visitor team referred you?

Yes, you have to feed laid down on your side, tummy to tummy with baby, not sit up and feed then lay him down.

Ah so you need to feed lying down so he’s already lying down - that’s the trick! Get the space safely set up, get him in his sleeping bag and lie down next to him and breastfeed him lying down. Then you don’t need to transfer him down next to you!

She was advised not to Co sleep because of how exhausted she is and there’s a higher risk of overlaying.

Advised by who?

Yes exactly, @HillbillyBackstrokeadvised by who?!

I was advised not to by the perinatal mental health nurse I saw on Monday because of my exhaustion but my exhaustion hasn't improved because I'm getting so little sleep by other means . The lying down feeding position has so far eluded me. I want to keep trying but the problem is that he just feeds, feeds, feeds and isn't settled in between feeds. He will fall asleep on my chest or pillow in front of me for a brief spell. Today, like yesterday, I only left the armchair in which I'm sitting to go to the toilet and wash my hands.

I wouldn't have been able to cope without COSLEEPING. My youngest was ULTRA CLINGY and wouldn't let me out of her sight till age 13.. She shared my bed till then when she left to live permanently with her Father.

With respect, these are the same people that told you to give him formula right? Which you did…and it made no difference. They are mental health specialists, the many, many women on here (myself included) that have lived experience with multiple babies like this have advised the lying down and breastfeeding/co sleeping combination. Set up the sleep space safely and wear a button down nightie so all you need to do is whip a breast out and feed lying down. Give it a try for a couple of nights.

Eat lots of good quality protein and feed every Two hours during the day and One night feed.

I’m sorry but this is just ridiculous and is doing neither you or the baby any good . The baby needs to be out in the fresh air for a walk , if you physically cannot manage that then ask your mum or sister to take him . Have you tried to find a night nanny ? Can your mum or sister do a couple of 4 hour periods with him so you can sleep , either with expressed milk or formula .

One night feed for a hungry, breastfed newborn baby? Have you breastfed before?

I can understand why the nurse is saying not to cosleep just now.

You can mix breastfeed and formula top up. I had to for both of mine as they were very big babies. First was mixed fed for 5 months and the second didn't stop breastfeeding until 10 months.

One night feed ??

baby is a few weeks old

will be feeding more every 2/3hrs

My baby was like this. I did have a partner, but she screamed every time she held her, she wanted to be with me all the time. She screamed constantly if she wasn’t. And she wouldn’t take a bottle and wanted to permanently be on the breast.

Although it remained challenging, there were a few things that helped.

Although she did not have TT, my son did - and the lactation midwife at the hospital maintained that he didn’t. So I would recommend a lactation specialist checking to ensure that baby is feeding efficiently.

I did end up reluctantly co sleeping , using the c shape and followed the safe co sleeping guidelines. Even so, she needed to be fed and cuddled to sleep and I couldn’t put her down until she was fast asleep. I would shift over and put her down where I had been lying, so the sheet was warm.

i learnt to feed lying down so even though she still woke and fed every 45 mins , I could doze. By the time she was 3 months old, she could access my boob by herself and often I wouldn’t wake. Obviously this necessitated my boob being accessible, but it was better than not sleeping!

Likewise, she screamed all day unless I held her and / or offered her the breast. So I carried her in a sling and again, she worked out how to feed whilst being slung . She napped in the sling too.

It transpired that she had sensory issues with clothes and she also screamed throughout every nappy change and bath. All I could do here was ensure that the clothes were all soft - just baby gro’s and vests, washed before wearing and all labels cut out.

i don’t know if any of this would be relevant for your baby, but some of it may help. I really feel for you - it wasn’t an easy time and I was exhausted, but it did gradually improve as I understood more about her needs.

(She is a gorgeous 13 yo now and she is still v attached to her mummy. But at least she sleeps well and by herself now!)

I have had depression and anxiety in the past. Much of it was due to loneliness and the desire for a child.

Have you tried feeding baby to sleep whilst co sleeping OP? Sorry if silly question - you mention lying baby down again.

My baby would suckle and we'd both fall asleep in that position

I breastfed fully, 5 babies.