Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

I could have written this, thank you. I honestly started to believe that the burping thing was a myth (my now 13th month old just would not burp or fart), until I was holding my friend's newborn recently and he gave a windy smile, so I held him up and gave the barest back rub and he burped a bigger burp than mine ever has!

Ditto her sleep, she sounds very like your DC1 in general.

I didn't wind mine at all. They just didn't need it. They burped all by themselves with no help from me. Lots of cultures don't burp babies, it's mostly English speaking countries that believe it to be necessary.

i never winded mine either, they did bring up posset over my shoulder though, hence muslin cloth

Hi @Jennifer48 I too was a sole parent from early years so could relate to your despair. My DC now in 20s so what’s available now in terms of make will have changed, but for my wee one a combination of using infacol (as was windy) and then putting in swing for naps during day (your Mum could supervise) should allow you with some earplugs to go and get much needed and crucially uninterrupted rest. Allows you to also not feel baby joined at hip.

Never coslept but did have wee one beside me in cradle and found too (when you’re desperate you’ll try anything) letting them hold my finger and gently rubbing back of their neck in soothing stroke with a dummy was also really effective. Nice sensation and if I slowly reduced strokes seemed to send them happily off.

Know they all different but was worth 10-15 mins of that to get them into a deep sleep. Before bed I’d use a bottle too, least then their tummy full and obviously ensure room not too hot/too cold, clean/dry. If they cried, didn’t always pick them up straight away. Sometimes would rock the cradle and put dummy in and repeat the neck stroke.

It is really tough. Promise it will get easier though but could so relate to you feeling demented with exhaustion.

Just thinking too, if you drive, sometimes the car motion helps. Others finding swaddling and/or saying a shuuush motion near their ear can help distract too. Read (not sure if it’s true) the white noise helps remind of being in the womb.

Yep I agree too that none of those methods involve hitting the baby hard, I never said they did.

What I think was blindingly obvious to most people is that I meant a firm pat is sometimes needed rather than a gentle circular motion, christ I was hardly saying the child needs beaten black and blue but some children do need more help than others. Do people on this thread just jump to drama without engaging any part of their brain? Babies will not shatter into a million pieces by giving them a firm pat.
I could spend 20mins burping my screaming-in-pain baby using all those methods or 10seconds with a few firm pats on the back to bring up the loud man sized belch my 4month old does.

Maybe my post has confused the less able minded.... I meant a firmer pat on the lower back than what OP is using.

OP white noise machine and a love to dream swaddle are life savers btw! Help reduce the startle reflex

I was agreeing with you! I was actually backing you up!

I am perfectly able-minded, really not sure why you're attacking me. I was trying to help.

Sorry read that totally wrong! My bad.

@Bababear987 @HK04 You both mentioned white noise but listening to white noise videos on YouTube (juat the sound, no video of course) has had no impact whatsoever so far, I'm afraid. Is that the kind of white noise that worked for you or is there a specific kind of white noise you'd recommend, please?

@HK04 Sorry to be thick, but you mentioned "gently rubbing back of their neck in soothing stroke with a dummy was also really effective." Do you mean you rubbed the back of the baby's neck with a dummy, or that the dummy was in their mouth at the time? Sorry, it wasn't clear to me!😅

Haha good Q @Jennifer48 my bad English!

Dummy in mouth and gentle finger stroke middle of back of neck, not too light to be ticklish…not too fast to keep them wakened, can try on your own neck first… see what feels nice/relaxing, and if neck doesn’t work, could experiment, head, arm etc… the touch becomes a cue it’s time for sleep I guess over time as 9/10 worked a treat.

When they cried I wouldn’t rush to pick up at night but would try to soothe back to sleep with that kinda touch but not pick up method instead first. Also helped could do it safely alongside and doze at same time.

My first baby was like this. It didn’t resolve until I cut diary and eggs out of my diet and therefore his breastmilk.

He needed a real good burping each time. Also look up tiger in the tree position. It was the only thing that worked at 3am

https://www.boots.com/infacol-oral-suspension-85ml-10257860?srsltid=AfmBOorztN51xtRrUVREKqvQsExligBdBcpBqHt22IWJnEijsSQal0AO

It's worth a try. Honestly, it saved my sanity.

I've had a think and a few other suggestions

Stroking forehad/eyebrows gets baby to naturally close their eyes and can help them fall asleep
Look up the colic hold
Tommee tippee ultra light dummies are good
Have you tried gripe water?
Look up baby massage if it's trapped wind, there will be youtube videos with exercises to do like bicycle legs
Look up how to safely cosleep with baby on your chest, I did this the first 4 weeks with my 2nd as my husband couldn't help at night consistently as my toddler was waking a lot so he was going to help her
At the moment baby doesn't have a day/night cycle and neither should you. Sleep whenever you can no matter the time of day.

And just another reminder that it IS a phase it won't last forever, do reach out to health visitors, GP, charities, whoever you can possibly find, I know you said no night nurses but could you for example see if any local childminders will come over in the daytime so you can get a nap

Our baby monitor plays music and that was helpful with our little one. We also bought him a Yoto player for his second birthday and he loves listening to nursery rhymes at bedtime. Music has ALWAYS helped him sleep. As a newborn, the type didn’t even matter. Now he’s two, it’s mostly the nursery rhymes, or ‘waves’ (crashing wave sounds) on the baby monitor. Have a little experiment and see if anything helps your baby. If you find something that works, maybe try getting into a habit with the same music, so they start to associate a particular song/artist/type of music with falling asleep. On Spotify you can also look for ‘baby sleep music’ and there’s loads of different things you can try. Sincerely wishing you the best of luck, it DOES get better!!

I know dd1 uses clean white noise on Spotify for her dd. Dd1 was so difficult with sleep I started mix feeding at 6 weeks and by 12 weeks she was on formula only. This helped me mentally as I just needed a break from her demands on my body. My next 3dc I breastfed for over a year each but for my sanity I had to stop with my first. Doesn't seem to have done her any harm, no allergies, hardly ever sick as a baby/toddler and she is now a doctor.

If you haven’t tried already, I found the Love to Dream arms up swaddles great. Baby instantly took to it and could get him down within 5 mins (after a feed) with it on. Before we were just using a blanket.

They do various different togs.

If you do want to try it is worth looking on Vinted as there is a lot on there.

For white noise, we used the sound of a hair dryer on a white noise app. Worked wonders!!

Could you try reaching out to

https://www.instagram.com/linzi.watts.birthdoula?igsh=MTdmeGd2Zjh6OHN0Ng==

If she's not in your area she might be able to recommend someone?

Or speak to your hv? At this stage cluster feeding is still very, very common and it's about building your supply as well as them practising nursing as well as comfort. At that stage I was still nursing for easily 9 hrs a day on and off from what I tracked. That does ease off and it generally does fall into a bit more of a routine. I think by about 2/2.5 months in mine was nursing every 2hrs. Then when they build up to a spurt/developmental leap it increases again. So I would make sure that if you're introducing formula that you speak to a lactation consultant about it. I'm in the same area as you and I found la leche league absolute lifesavers so I'd reach out to them. If you want to pm me with your actual area I can put you in touch.

Do you have pain when baby is latched and is the latch deep and secure? Any gaps/ milk dribbling or cheeks sucking in?

OP please do also seek medical help
from your midwife or health visitor… if your baby is just constantly waking all night long it sounds like a medical issue.
They may need feeding much more or need tongue tie surgery, or have an allergy xx

Hi I’m a single mum so I know how hard this is.

Will he take a dummy? Do you swaddle?

I think when you’re on your own you have to try everything as they need to sleep so you don’t go mad.

My dd was mix fed (boob and bottle), had a dummy and was in a routine from quite early on. My mum helped in the early evenings, so I would feed dd and then go to bed for a couple of hours around 7pm. My mum then bought dd to me about 10pm, I’d feed again and try to settle her for a few hours.

There’s some strange winding techniques mentioned here. Winding or burping is about letting a baby’s body stretch out to allow air to escape, just holding a baby under their underarms to let them stretch out against your body is usually enough.

One trick that worked for me both times when a baby would fall asleep on me and I needed to put them down into a cot (and they would immediately wake up!) is to warm slightly the sheet/mattress. I
used a hot water bottle - surface should be not too hot, just warm to touch.
my cousin used a hairdryer 😁
really worked.

second one immediately sensed when I’d leave the room but could sleep in the next to me cot, with help of said water bottle

This is so dramatic, newborn babies don’t know night from day and often sleep all day therefore awake most of the night. Don’t scare the OP with language like that when her baby is doing exactly what all newborn babies do at a couple of weeks old!

I didn't find white noise helped either (nor brown noise, nor pink noise). We even tried ambient restaurant noise (you can find it on YouTube) because DD slept for teo hours once (unheard of usually) when we were in a packed bar/restaurant.

They're worth a shot!