3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

she really doesn't. a 3 bed would be ideal but on any measure of bedroom entitlement/ overcrowding op isn't overcrowded. two singles in ops room with your youngest would be a sensible suggestion.

you can get 3 beds for around 1k a month here,op is quoting 1.5k. four beds are 1.3-1.7k here a month, so I imagine in the region of 2k a month by her. lots of people simy don't have 2k in rent and she can't send the kids back now.

Put her to bed first. Let the other two have some time up (start early if needs be). Say to her it’s because she takes so long to go to bed/sleep she needs to start going to bed earlier (make it a consequence of her poor bedtime routine) hopefully she’ll get the idea that if she goes to bed easier/quicker she gets a bit of time up too (be sure to give this to them if she behaves at bedtime, even if just 5/10 mins)

NSPCC: Safe & Happy Sibling Bedroom Sharing: Tips | NSPCC
But perhaps you know better than them.

Kindles are really great if you get a backlit one. The light is fairly localised and can be adjusted so shouldn’t disturb the others and they switch off after no page turning for a while - I usually fall asleep reading mine. If you join kindle unlimited on Amazon for £9.99 a month she can borrow unlimited books.

It really hasn't been 'always recommended' at all. Housing guidelines state that same sex children can share until age 16 and as far as I'm aware there is no recommendation from any other official source that says otherwise.
Obviously it's great if children who want their own rooms can have them (not all do) just as its great if they have their own bathroom as well. And a big garden. And to live where there's plenty of fresh air. But not everyone has the resources to create optimum living conditions.

It says children over the age of 10. All the OPs children are under 10. Your link also acknowledges that individual bedrooms are not always possible and gives suggestions on ways to manage older kids sharing.

I am an example of extreme family planning, 1 child in a 2 bed london flat we bought when I was 26 and vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant. But if everyone was like me we are looking at birth rates of 1.0 because majority of couplws would only have 1 or 2 children. Likely 1 because most families can't afford to upsize when kids are little. Birth rate would be 1 even if many couples have 2 in quick succession in late 30s because of infertility/a larger percentage of millenial women not having kids.

There are implications on society if there is a birth rate of 1. Look at Japan and South Korea. Japan is an ideal scenario. I don't like to think of what would happen in the uk if that happened plus low immigration cos many developing countries have lower than 2.0 birth rate.

I absolutely agree with you on almost everything, property is vastly overpriced and is especially high in school catchment areas, NIMBYS block housing projects etc. And wealthy people buy mansions in prime areas. But on a personal level, don't have children unless you can afford to care for them as they should be cared for.

I think I would try a few options, who knows if they’ll work!

1. put everyone to bed separately. With the others either in your room quietly reading / listening to stories or if appropriate still down stairs. Don’t move on to next one until 1 before is asleep.
2. give the wriggly one headphones with either calming music or a story to listen to as she falls asleep so she stays relaxed and doesn’t annoy others.
3. could middle one have a reward chart - focusing on going to bed quietly, staying in bed etc.
4. could middle one fall asleep in your bed - room to wriggle and not annoy!… and then you move her across once she’s asleep?

ignore the nonsense about 3 in a room. The girls tell you they like it and it’s what you currently have! For sure this is just a phase, but it’s a bloody hard work one whilst you’re in it! Xx

Some of these responses are insane. I have 3 children, the baby is in with me and the other two share because they want to. They could have their own rooms and they choose not to. There is nothing wrong with children sharing and in fact many like and enjoy it, I was one of them as a child. In many other countries the whole family sleep in one room ! The OP is looking for advice, not a bashing. OP there is nothing wrong with your set up and you sound like a lovely Mum.

I agree. But children get older and house prices always beat the cost of inflation. 10 years ago we sold a house for £300k, now it is on for £500k. Always plan ahead, we only have one life!

I'm sure all parents or most would be happy for their children to have a room of their own. In the REAL WORLD this is often not possible. If all children should have a room of their own maybe someone needs to provide enough adequate housing instead of spouting shite on MN.

@TheQuirkyMaker
That NSPCC article links to the housing act as it's source - which describes overcrowding as "two persons of opposite sexes who are not living together as a married couple or civil partners sleep[ing] in the same room" - over the age of 10

OPs children are under the age of ten and are all the same sex

So I am guessing you just didn't read your own "evidence"

Jesus Christ. You don't half spout a huge amount of shite. Stop being so sanctimonious.

OP has appropriate accommodation, they're sharing with each other, not adults.

OP will find some solutions from the helpful replies here

We need to stop this discourse that its akin to child abuse for kids to share bedrooms. And as for the post earlier that cited that people are 'traumatised' from sharing their space, this is ridiculous. Sharing the bedroom isnt traumatising.

If other things happened to them in their childhood which were traumatic thats adifferent matter but simply sharing space and a bedroom is not traumatic or abusive or poor parenting or not providing for your children.

100%

I'm sure the Op,s children are being cared for
And they are here now so arguing all children should have their own room isn't really helping anyone.

It says children over ten on the NSPCC guidance, yet if you click the link they provide to the supporting legislation on which they're basing that, the reference is to people of opposite sex.
There is no official recommendation that says same sex children should have their own rooms under age 16.

Bed as a punishment is not a good solution to sleep issues.

If we are calling it a consequence, it could be done short term to see if it helps. She may be going up too early. She may be going up too late. So it's worth an experiment if that's how it's described.

She's in a situation where lots of people would struggle to settle down and sleep. She needs compassion and help.

I am one of the people who has posted about enjoying sleeping with siblings, and I did. But I regret posting it a bit because people seem to be falling into camps of "it's normal so there's no problem" vs "sharing rooms is child abuse". Neither is right. We shared in groups of 2, 3, occasionally 4 but my parents worked really hard at making sure we were comfortable, bedtime worked, we had the right beds and lighting and routines. That's in everyone's interest, and it needs to be explored carefully here, in dialogue with the child.

That's pretty irresponsible of the NSPCC. When you follow their link, it refers only to children sharing with someone of the opposite sex.

I recommend asking for advice in a Facebook group for child sleep help. People there are kinder and more helpful than here on MN

Probably trying to avoid using 'gendered language' and this is the type of misunderstanding that results.

I'd put middle one to sleep in your room

Not ideal, but many parents co-sleep

Could she stay there?

It also won't be too long till they'll be too tall for a triple bunk

Also an 8 or 9 pm bed time is far too late for a 5 year old.

Can you go on the council list? Also check what benefits you'd be entitled to, you'll probably be able to afford your own place.