Refugee Guest puts 5 yr old to bed too late

[No1pugmum]

We’ve been happily hosting a refugee and her son for 18 months. He was 3 when they joined us, now 5. When they arrived. he regularly went to bed after 10pm and she asked me to help him have an earlier bedtime after I explained how it wasn't good for anyone that he was staying up so late. That worked and he was going to bed earlier. Fast forward to now. He’s in Reception, but he’s regularly up at 8:30, sometimes even later, on a school day. On Sunday he was still up and watching telly at 8:30 and, last night, I got home from taking my older daughter out and he was still up at 8pm, watching telly, not fed and still in his school uniform. I told her I was concerned with his late bedtimes and he should be in bed by 7pm. Her response was to say she can’t put him to bed earlier because she’s got online courses that need to be done at a certain time as other people are involved and the times can’t be changed. I appreciate she wants to better herself, but I don’t think she realises how much a late bedtime could be affecting her son’s development and well being. Should I continue to try to advise, or butt out? I feel like I’m failing him if it continues. Any advice is appreciated.

lol thanks for your opinion on my parenting 😀💪🏻

I went back to read the times of that,
PJs at 7.00 - faff for 40mins maybe longer - sleep at 8.00

The child in question might well be Pjs at 8.30 sleeping by 8.45.
There might also be a difference in get up time. Yours might be up at 7.00 the other child getting up at 8.00 both getting to school for 9.00

Mine did gymnastics twice a week at 6/7 that didn’t finish till 8:30pm.

At 13 air cadets doesn’t finish till 9:30pm.

Sleep is important but so are extra curricular activities.

Both DD and I are ADHD and vampiric. It works for us.

@OneMoreTime23 exactly not every child needs bed at 7pm and actually I'd think half the issues people have taking 40mins to an hour getting kids to sleep means they are going to bed too early.

Same with people moaning my kids are up at 6am even on the weekend - well put them to bed later!

Agreed, but a routine just means them going to bed at around the same time every night, whatever time works for the child and the family, and taking the child's wake up time and sleep needs into consideration. I get home from work at 6.30pm after picking my daughter up from crèche. She's asleep by 9pm most nights by the time dinner is cooked and eaten and she's bathed and a story read, and gets up at 7am. A 7pm bedtime just doesn't work for a lot of us.

Mine are in bed by 4pm actually! That's when it gets dark in winter. 8pm, gosh, your poor wee lambs.

Seriously though, you don't seem to know what a routine means. A routine just means the same thing every night.

A kid who goes to bed at 9 or 10pm every night could have more enrichment, socialisation and relaxation time than one who sleeps at 8pm.

There's no point having Bedtime Olympics where you get a "The Earlier the Better" medal lol.

That wouldn’t work for my child, or many I’m sure. They’d be lying awake in bed for hours. We have a routine but just a couple of hours later than yours. That’s what works for us.

I didn’t say or mean that my way is best.
Just that routine helps.
I added our times because it’s what we do.

Damn, I was so hoping that I’d get the MN clique seal of approval.

And that’s fair enough

And that’s fair enough. I wasn’t saying that all children must go to bed at 7pm. I was just stating that this is what we do and that routines are best.

As I’ve said in my other replies, I wasn’t stating all children must be in bed at 7, asleep by 8. I was just saying that these are our times and that routine is best. Whatever time works for others, great. My comment was more about routine than the actual times

The child in question HAS routine it's just a routine that the Op doesn't agree with

routines are best.

In my view they’re limiting. But each to their own.

No routine isn't best. Whatever works for you is what is best. My daughter hates routine and thrives on spontaneity

That is, and always has been the point at which my perfectly bright and intelligent 6yo DS goes to sleep and if you dared to tell me I was affecting his development, I'd not be best pleased.

Why 'should' he be in bed for 7pm other than conventional (utterly made up) wisdom?

Why did you assume it was your children anyway? I’m planning my own wedding , I have girls so they have those roles but if I don’t then my partners nieces where nit be my choice , it would probably be friends daughters we see often ? It’s not your wedding or your mothers , it’s this woman who it’s your brother , it’s not up to you to make assumptions . You are being very unfair and creating a massive rift where there is no need for one