People keep telling me I’m depressed, isn’t this just hell for anyone?

[Secondchildregret]

4:30am (if we’re lucky, once it was 3:30am)
every single day..
without fail.

Both of them are up screaming, shouting, whining, crying.

I give them milk and a banana and they continue to fight scream and cry.

Will not go back with anything we’ve tried it all - paid a sleep consultant… everything.

My eyeballs ache most days
im cloudy and can’t concentrate
I just want to fucking sleep I want to go to sleep in silence and rest in the knowledge that I am going to wake up when I’m fully rested in silence and have a chance to come around before being shouted or screamed at.

I work ten hour shifts to give them everything they need and they just won’t let me sleep.. ever..

By the time I’ve finished sorting out all the crap from them throughout the day/evening it’s post 9pm, half hour of silence to myself then to sleep.

We still frequently get broken sleep because it’s cough season and they cry all the time

They can’t even play in their rooms quietly so I can at least have some rest in silence, one steals the others dummy and they fight over it.

it’s not a lot to ask.. imo

How old are they? It sounds horrendous

I completely agree Op, in fact I am a big believer that most PND is simply sleep deprivation. Make life as easy for yourself as possible at the moment, ready meals for all etc. I hope this phase passes soon.

You are severely sleep deprived. There's a reason it's used as a torture method.

How old? Are they in the same room? Can you go to a friend/family members/hotel for a night?

How old are they?

It's absolutely horrendous when you regularly don't get enough sleep and it's out of your control.

I don't know if you're clinically depressed... you sound it. You can be depressed while it's completely logical just to feel like hell, or you can just feel like hell.

God I hope it gets better soon. If I were your friend I would swap houses for a night so that you could have a lie in - dc are old now so I don't suffer any more.

Every word you said. 💯
Sleep deprivation is sheer hell

Sending big love.
I assume you don’t have the best/any family support. I wish I’d taken people up on their kind offers back in the day, but I had this insane notion that I had to do this on my own. Even if you have someone who is willing to take them to a park/their house for 3/4 hours in the day, go with it and use that time to rest. Amazing how much better you feel for having done it.

That sounds really hard. How old are they? They sound very young and very close together in age so although it’s hell at the moment perhaps you don’t have too much ´longer to suffer it?

It sounds like they share a room. Do they share a bed too? Just wondering how the dummy stealing happens. could you experiment with room arrangements to see how you can get the most sleep? Own beds? Own rooms? One in your bed if you don’t have any more rooms?

i also have two but mine aren’t so close together but my baby wakes hourly so the only way to stay sane for me is cosleeping. A PP mentioned that she thinks most PND is sleep deprivation - I wholeheartedly agree and would add to that that I think the main cause of sleep deprivation is the unrealistic expectations set by the NHS surrounding how to put babies to bed.

they are 14m and 29m
don’t share a room, their rooms are different temps and we have swapped them.

dummy stealing happens when we wake up at 4:30 I give them snack and drink then my eyes are too aches to go downstairs so I send them into the 2yo’s room to play with toys (in desperation).

Of course it isn't! Two totally separate issues! You may well have both, but many many people have one without the other, and it is actually very unhelpful to conflate them like this. PND can be a thousand times worse than sleep depravation, for months or years, requiring medication, hospitalisation, etc.. In any single hour, one person's sleep deprivation may feel worse than another person's PND - and it requires sleep!

Try co-sleeping. It just might change your life.

Is it possible giving them a snack is reinforcing that it is awake time and rewarding them disturbing you. Maybe give them a big bowl of cereal before bed to keep them full.

I’m sure you’ve tried it but how about stopping the snack and drink at 4.30? Easy to say but hard to do. Sounds like they’ve got into the habit of waking then for food/drink.

Two children of this age are NEVER going to play together unsupervised. This wont work

yep, that is what I would do!

We started the snack/drink because they just screamed/cried consistently (with the 2yo shouting to go downstairs) At least now we can stay in bed a little longer.

Can’t co sleep.
neither of them like it, 1yo has always always needed his own space and 2yo can’t drop off if we’re there he’s too excited/engaged in us being present.

When mine were little and bad sleepers, DH and I took turns - one night off one night on - so at least we got a decent night's sleep every other night. It will get better.

Sorry you're havng a tough time. Doesn't sound like your sleep consultant was much cop?! What did they have you do?

Been there myself before being told I was depressed or ill, nope, that's what severe sleep deprivation is like.

No, OP, it isn't hell for everyone. It sounds difficult, yes, and you sound like you want to sleep more than you are sleeping, but lots of people in this situation would not describe it as "hell".
Who has suggested you are depressed? Why do you think they are wrong? Could it be that you are struggling because you are depressed, rather than depressed because you are struggling? Or maybe in a vicious circle of each making the other worse?
I hope you feel better soon 💐

Co sleeping always gets pushed on here so I can only assume that most people don’t have children who squirm, kick, windmill their arms around, wake if you move and so you have to spend the night pinned into one uncomfortable position….

and people are suggesting it with TWO!?

I would try to go to bed at 7 for a while, I know it's depressing but it takes the edge off. We used to call it a reverse lie in. Also I would try putting them in a room together, often they sleep better together. It won't last forever but you just need to sleep with their time scales at the moment. Switch your housework to 5 am and sleep earlier.

Is there any way even to pay for an overnight sitter and go to a hotel, just for one night? I'm only suggesting this because you did try a sleep consultant so I feel you might have a bit of spare money at times.

I'm worried at the shortness of your sentences, you do sound very depressed.

Can you have youngest in bed with you to try and sleep a bit longer, and give your 2yr old a tablet to play with in the morning when they wake ? Sounds pretty rubbish/unhealthy advise but even if it gets you a day or two of extra sleep it sounds like you need a break right now and short term may help you feel better - you can always change things again later on.
I had a 17 month gap between my two and having them together in the mornings always made things worse.
I sometimes put out some brioche and a tablet outside the eldests door which would keep him quiet for an hour before he woke me up. We do what we need to when we're exhausted.
Really feel for you.

You say 'we' so I'm imagining there is a partner.
One night a week/fortnight each of you gets a night on the sofa and the other deals with the shenanigans.
I have no idea if you're depressed, by you do need a break.