I’m prepared to be told I’m a terrible mother but please hear me out.

[stillreallytired]

My 5 month old has had one half hour sleep between 1045 this morning and now.

He is screaming with exhaustion, and I’ve been sobbing as well.

I really need advice but it does need to be actual advice I can use. So:

The sling is a no go.

He will sleep in the pram but I don’t want to be overly reliant on this.

He will feed to sleep sometimes. But the problem is if he doesn’t I then have to wait until he’s hungry enough to accept another bottle.

Dummies don’t work as he spits them out or knocks them out of his mouth.

So - I’ve no idea but I am desperate.

I really, really don't want to sound goady because I can feel your desperation and I would love to be able to help if there's any help I can give.

But I'm curious what you mean when you say you caused 'this'? What is it you've caused?

Again, sorry if I sound combative, I just can't think of a better way to address that point.

Tapping the dummy works for sure

@stillreallytired

And I don’t even think he’s a particularly bad sleeper. That’s what I’ve been explaining, it is me, I have caused this.

You didn't "break the baby". Neither did I despite crying it over and over again.

Will he sleep on you, with you? Or at least settle?

You can't cause a baby to be a bad sleeper. Babies never sleep all the time when they are meant to, They just don't. It's nothing you've done to make him not sleep. There are a million and one reasons why he could have not slept today. He might be particularly hungry, he might have reflux, he might have a belly ache. Or he might just not want to sleep! That doesn't mean he's not tired, babies fight sleep. But if he's determined not to - take him away from the situation, play with him instead. You've driven yourself mad by trying to get him to sleep - there's no magic cure to do so. Babies are tough! But as he's approaching six months they go through stages of dropping naps and needing less. Clawing at his face could be teething, any number of things. Please reconsider seeing the gp for yourself. I've been there, I was dragged kicking and screaming and it saved my life.

No, he won’t accidentally

@doadeer

Dont worry about nursery. They do voodoo magic and all the babies sleep 🤷‍♀️

It's amazing isn't it! I'm actually tempted to ask for tips but every time I ask anything, they just shrug and assure me that DD just does as she should. 'We just show her the nappy and she toddles over to the changing mat and helps us by lifting up her legs'.....! Whilst I'm at home like an octopus resorting to all sorts of distractions to ensure she doesn't leap up and wee everywhere .....

DS basically exclusively slept laying upright on my chest on his front, he was a reflux baby and I don't know how I survived. I remember me and dp doing 2hr shifts regularly in the night. Anyways my point it just do what they need to sleep and rest when you can.

My niece always slept in a pram, I remember them bringing it into the living room and rocking it until she slept and then leaving her in it whilst parent either napped on sofa in the room or had a cuppa etc.

Just do what you need to do. Don't torture yourself.

DS now prefers a cot or travel cot to sleep, sleeps in a toddler bed at home and a cot elsewhere at his nanny's etc will sleep in the car etc as well, he loves a cheeky nap with mum but doesn't get much opportunity now I'm back at work, won't sleep in a pram anymore. Sleep habits change.

Swaddling?

One good thing about having twins is that you realize how little your parenting matter with things like sleeping.
You can nudge this way or that with your parenting but you can't change a babies basic nature.
My pair couldn't be more different in their sleeping and they have always been raised the same way.

You don't really have much influence over your child OP, for better or worse.

@stillreallytired

honey my baby had one half hour sleep in eight hours. I beg to differ.

My baby had a total of one hour forty five minutes sleep in a thirteen hour period. That is nowhere near enough.

It would not be a problem if he was just one of those babies who thrives regardless; he isn’t. He was tired and screaming with exhaustion. That’s distressing for us both.

He had three short naps and two of them were before 11 am.

I get it @stillreallytired. Our first barley slept for the first 12 months. He was so so exhausted and overtired, we both were. I was waking up ever 30-45 minutes a night because he was waking up after ever sleep cycle. It often took 2+ hours to get him to sleep. He would only nap in the pram and only if moving so I walked, a lot. I don't really know how we got through it, but we did. And we was mostly me. DH was exhausted too, but 90% of it was me doing it.

Hi OP my LO can be exactly the same fighting naps during the day and sleep on a night. I have found the past week a bath really helps her when she is over tired you could maybe try that hopefully it will help. I’ve also started giving her a bath during the day before she has a nap and it’s worked great. I know how awful it is when they don’t sleep especially when you are exhausted yourself.

My six month old has days like this but there's not a lot you can do. Tomorrow is a new day OP don't beat yourself up.

@stillreallytired

Look, he won’t sleep in the pram indoors, I sometimes think he has a pigeons instincts as he wakes up the second I’m at the front door. I wish I was joking!

Ds1 used to do this. He’d conk out in the buggy, and would be fast asleep, right up to the moment I stepped through the front door. It didn’t matter how carefully I wheeled him in - the little toe-rag still woke up.

Does your baby like baths? Might a warm bath, with some lavender oil nearby, and then a massage with baby powder, once he’s out of the bath help?

Maybe he’s starting teething? It could also be a weird blip. He could be hungrier. He might be brewing a cold.

It’s horrible, they keep crying and you don’t know why. It’s exhausting for you. I don’t have any suggestions other than the others given here. It’s guesswork, and then often giving in out of desperation. Will he sleep with you? I wasn’t a fan of co sleeping but some swear by it. That might help both of you.

Is there anyone that can come and give you a break? Where’s Dad?

I had a couple of days like this with my first and it turned out it was an ear infection combined with the start of teething. Also had pnd and also felt like a terrible mum. You’re not, you’re tired, tetchy and can’t see the wood for the trees.

Don’t worry about nursery - they’ll have him in a routine in no time. He will be more tired with more interaction with more people, and the crying isn’t as heart wrenching when it’s not your own baby.

@stillreallytired

No, he won’t accidentally

That really sucks. It was the only thing that eventually worked for DD.

What about the car? Not as a daily thing, but on really shitty days like today just to break the over tired cycle.

Look up Just Chill Mama on Instagram, she has lots of free advice :)

starlight I am sorry if it came across that no one could even mention the pram. No worries, I just wanted to recommend something pram related but didn't want to be one of the people saying "oh, just go out in the pram!" so was joking about not mentioning it as I totally understand when it's raining and awful and you can't do it! And I also get the nightmare it can be to get the hideously muddy pram into the house.

Two things that made my DS2 scream when tired at that age:

• teeth. He didn't actually get a tooth until he was 10 months old but his mouth was hurting (he'd claw at his face too). I used to give him a dose of Calpol and he'd be fast asleep within 20 minutes.

• he had CMPA and soya allergy, so my breast milk was causing him pain. We discovered the CMPA really early on so I cut that out of my diet but it took a few months for anyone to suggest soya allergy too. That was life changing for him.

My little boy went through similar patterns of poor napping & sleeping & it's very hard to see beyond the bad day that they've had.

First I would rule out teething, tummy ache, temp etc & give calpol if needed.

We used our bedtime routine at every nap (minus the bath) - so half hour wind down, bath (if nightime) then straight into bedroom, baby massage, story, then same phrase 'it's sleepy time, night-night'. We also swapped the lightbulbs to red, as these don't interfere with melatonin production, then lights out entirely & blackout blind. Sleep routine took no less than half an hour, no more than an hour.

On days you are able to use a pram (appreciate that's not today) we found the Rockit really good combined with a sleep shade cover.

@stillreallytired

And I don’t even think he’s a particularly bad sleeper. That’s what I’ve been explaining, it is me, I have caused this.

You haven't caused anything! Babies are very difficult, they are made to break us. My two were both awful sleepers, my first snapped out of it when he was 2, that's when no 2 came along. No 2 is now 4 and only just started sleeping all night in her own bed xx

Stop being so hard on yourself, even if you had the best routine going, teething or mental and physical leaps knock it all off.
Stop annoying yourself, you're doing a great job. Your baby needs you to be strong. He loves you, he thinks you're doing a great job too

Also, it's not to do with you or him feeling not secure enough to sleep (that I think you've mentioned). Just some babies are very sensitive to all sorts of things and struggle to nap in the day. my son struggled massively but DD who is 4 months is generally fine. Just the personality of the individual baby - totally different sleepers!

You DO need professional help with your PND. You are worrying an abnormal amount about the amount of daytime sleep your baby is getting. It is very hard dealing with a non-sleeping,crying baby, yes, but it is NOT normal to worry that the lack of sleep is somehow harming him. It isn't. You also need more practical support so you're not managing on your own all the time. Good luck.

You haven't caused anything. I had non sleepers and it's hell, I get why you're upset and I'm sorry you and your baby are having a rough day.
But, in the kindest way, you're asking for advice then taking none of it. People really are trying to help. That makes me worried for you so please please ask for help in real life. Ask someone to come over and take the baby for you for a while. You need a break too. Any mother would help another mother in this situation.
Also, with my niece, playing gangsta rap as loud as possible soothed her. There were a lot of raised eyebrows and pursed lips from neighbors in her posh predominantly white neighborhood. I say this because it really is trial and error, what works for one baby doesn't for another. Just keep trying ,you will get there.
Look after yourself.

Hi OP, just a message of support - if you've broken your baby then I've broken mine too . It really sucks when they just won't sleep.

It’s nearly ten o clock at night!

Thanks for the posts reassuring me it isn’t me. It’s very difficult when people post telling you to put him in a sling or let him co sleep but he won’t.