I’m prepared to be told I’m a terrible mother but please hear me out.

[stillreallytired]

My 5 month old has had one half hour sleep between 1045 this morning and now.

He is screaming with exhaustion, and I’ve been sobbing as well.

I really need advice but it does need to be actual advice I can use. So:

The sling is a no go.

He will sleep in the pram but I don’t want to be overly reliant on this.

He will feed to sleep sometimes. But the problem is if he doesn’t I then have to wait until he’s hungry enough to accept another bottle.

Dummies don’t work as he spits them out or knocks them out of his mouth.

So - I’ve no idea but I am desperate.

Op I'm glad he's asleep now. Some people on this thread seem downright fucking weird and a bit dim, I'm sorry you got such responses. The anonymity of this space can make some people chat some right bollocks. You've done a great job at keeping calm with people on here repeating the same thing when you've kindly asked them not to 😂 you'll feel in a dark space right now but look, you did it! He's calm, asleep, well fed and loved so well done you. Tomorrow you may have to do it all again but just think about how well you handled today and believe in yourself. Good luck, you sound a great mum

OP I’ve had four kids and not a single one of them has been able to soothe themselves to sleep at any age until about 4. They hated the pram and car seat and would only go to sleep via feeding (and then I had to sit with them and hold them for all sleeps). My six year old still needs someone to hold his hand until he drops asleep.

I tried all kinds of crap but ultimately it was just a case of getting through it until they were older.

I know it’s relentless and exhausting, especially when they’re little.

But at five months your baby might be in the process of dropping or switching up his naps which is why he’s finding it particularly difficult at the moment.

If he can’t sleep then stop trying for a while and do something else with him, even if that thing is pacing the halls with him crying or watching CBeebies or whatever.

Does he like the bath? It soothed all of mine and it was often easier getting them to sleep afterwards. Sometimes mine had three baths a day which helped us all.

I promise you you are not failing him. Absolutely promise.

OP I understand about the weather. We live rurally too and have always been out in all weathers - DS5s favourite thing is to do snow angels in big puddles! Today there’s no way I’d have taken a pram out, the wind would have flipped it and I’m not exaggerating. I tried to get something out of the boot of my car and couldn’t because the wind was so strong I thought it would rip my boot lid(?) off if I let go... I had to close it and get what I needed by pulling the back seat down!!

I can feel your desperation in your posts and remember the sheer horror of those days when DS had a bad day. Feeling like you’re failing your child is awful.

I remember there being times when DS was over tired that all I could do was lie on the sofa and hold him, face down in a cuddle, until he screamed himself to sleep. Sometimes I could slide him off so I could carry on with my day and other times I just had to wait it out with him.

I’m sorry I have no failsafe advice for you, apart from to ask if he could be teething? Have you felt inside on his gums to see if you can feel any coming through? I’d be tempted to give him some calpol if you suspect teething because he’s probably feeling a bit rotten now anyway!

Hugs to you OP. I struggled massively with my mental health when DS was a similar age, for different reasons than PND. I remember it and shudder BUT I look back now and know I did the best for DS, always. That’s what you’re doing, too. Asking for advice, worrying about him and loving him. You’re doing a great job, but doing a great job doesn’t equate easy days, that’s all.

My 10 month old has all of his naps in the pram or car seat. Sleeps in his cot at night (or my bed!) so what you have to do!

Just realised you probably missed out on baby massage classes due to covid - might be a nice thing to do using online videos. Ds used to love his oil massage after a bath.

People can only advise you of what they've tried and had success with - no magic answers and all babies are different. Ds was keen on being over my shoulder (like literally his belly was on/over my shoulder) with his head dropping down the other side and me constantly firmly patting his bottom. If it was tummy discomfort he liked being laid across my lap and me rubbing his lower back in circles.

Anyway I'm glad to hear he's asleep now and hope you get some rest. I understand why people are asking if you have support because it is important. I was and still am (14 years later) a single mum but I had a dear friend who adored my baby and would come round a few times a week for an hour or so and hang out with ds whilst I'd have a bath in peace then lie on my bed for a while before getting dressed and resuming motherhood.

Thank you for the recent posts and in particular the one describing the wind, I obviously haven’t been very successful in explaining how bad it’s been here. I’m sorry you had that though, it’s a nightmare. It’s just so awful when he cries so pitifully. I feel absolutely terrible that I am failing him.

www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/5-month-old-sleep-schedule/#:~:text=old's%20sleep%20schedule.-,How%20much%20should%20a%205%2Dmonth%2Dold%20sleep%3F,minutes%20to%20two%20hours%20each.

Your 5-month-old should sleep around 12 to 15 hours a day. That includes about 10 to 11 hours of solid nighttime snoozing (though he might still wake up a few times) and three naps that last 30 minutes to two hours each. But keep in mind that your baby’s sleep schedule is changing as much as he is, and is likely to still be in major flux at this age

It's really not unusual. Some babies keep up long naps for a long time others don't and the 1hr45 of naps is not abnormally low sleep time.

@stillreallytired

I’m not angry but I am tired of having to repeat myself over and over.

Come off here then. It's not helping you and this is the last thing you should be doing when you have a screaming baby to deal with, not arguing the toss with strangers on the Internet.

It's one day, one bad day that you've been concerned he's not slept enough. He's asleep now and tomorrow is a brand new day. It'll be alright

Yes I know honey and one hour forty five minutes during the day isn’t remotely close to fourteen hours, is it?

Look, I honestly don’t want an argument here but why people keep saying my exhausted crying baby isn’t tired is really odd.

This was a really hard thread to read. I'm sorry you've had a hard day, and hope tomorrow will be better.

There have been some great suggestions on here besides the pram and sling. I find that sometimes just standing at the back door gets my daughter's attention long enough to calm her down.

Try not to get bogged down with apps etc and routines. Go with the flow and how your little ones is, rather than worrying about timings. X

I’m really not at all.

There’s a world of difference between ‘my baby should be sleeping now’ and ‘it’s pretty obvious this baby has been awake for far too long.’

Is this your first child OP? My dd’s first year of life was the worst of mine, I just thought I was crap.

Nurseries often have buggies that they push around. My Dd won't sleep in the cot room but they have buggies that they can sleep in too.

What about one of those swinging chairs? Mine fell asleep nicely in those. Well worth investing in !!

I'm glad baby is asleep, hope you can get some rest. This is such a tricky stage but I promise the sleep gets better.

https://www.argos.co.uk/product/8728573?storeID=921&istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=ixqwxaqlq&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:629-618-1342%7Ccid:9563523546%7Cagid:102230967070%7Ctid:pla-889656334239%7Ccrid:423314715299%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:9748073460931436124%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9045776&utmmsource=Google&utmmedium=cpc&utmmcampaign=9563523546&utmterm=8728573&utmmcontent=shopping&utmcustom1=102230967070&utmmcustom2=629-618-1342&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImqeO0YPZ8AIVTdiyCh2bUgDWEAQYAiABEgInYfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This thread is doing you no good OP. Happy your baby is asleep now.

I feel for you OP. Non-sleeping babies are so hard! For tonight, I would just use the pram.
I know it won't help right now, but have you looked into getting baby a comforter? My DD wouldn't take a dummy and was a nightmare to get to sleep. I got her a little soft fleece comforter and she loves it. It's the first thing she reaches for in her cot and it really helps her to settle. I just buy cheep ones from primark (have 9 now) as she loves to chew on them so they stink after one night so need to be washed regularly.
When she got to 6 months, I did sleep training using the Ferber method. Not everyone's cup of tea but it really worked for us and only took one day.

Please leave it lord

He already has a seat similar to that cat and he does not really like it.

@stillreallytired I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time. I'm not going to offer you any advice, as you've had plenty on here and I expect I would be repeating what's already been said, but I just want to acknowledge that it is difficult and that you know him best (as well as what would work and what wouldn't, weather and otherwise). I hope things improve very soon.

Sorry OP, hadn't rtft and just seen your comments about the pram. Scrap that idea!

Hi,
You are doing amazing and it sounds really difficult!
I would get your little boy checked out for colic. Also maybe an osteopath for any neck/ spinal pain he may have ( not sure what his his birth was like)
I spent hours walking the dog and my kids in a carrier every day to make everyone happy. I exclusively breastfed my children up to 12 months and both of them woke a minimum of 3 times a night during that time.
Both mine wer happy being carried around, dog was happy being walked for hours and I did a lot of it.
It will get better but I would check with doctor for reflux and for pain in spine which can follow a birth and cause a lot of stress/ babies being unsettled. X

Oh OP, i could cry reading this, taken me right back 4 years when my first never slept. I remember rocking her crying please sleep with her screaming at me. I remember being so concerned that she wasn't getting enough sleep to help her brain develop. A sleep cycle at that age is 30 minutes, she woke after EVERY 30 minutes, she couldn't connect them at all.
If it helps, her nursery teacher has recently fed back she is far advanced where she should be (not mensa like just top of class). She still co sleeps at 4 but yet nursery she slept in her own cot for 1.5 hours after about 2 weeks there!
(still failing at sleep, trying to get a 2 year old to sleep who has woke after going to bed at 6)
The fact you are worried and concerned shows you are the opposite of a shit mum. You care enough to get worked up and care enough to ask.

I’ve noticed that you’ve said a couple of times @stillreallytiredthat that you’re worried he doesn’t “feel secure in his own home”. This is nonsense- pretty much every friend I have with kids has complained of days like this. If that’s why it happens there are a lot of kids, practically 100% of them, who don’t feel secure in their own homes/with their own mums!

As someone with OCD myself, I recognise these kind of negative mantras and they can become a big problem. The more you tell yourself a story- however patently absurd- the more you believe it.

I know you’ve said you don’t need professional help, but I would consider it. The first step would be confiding in your parter- I know you don’t want to tell us if you have one- and going from there.

I'm glad he's sleeping now, and you do sound calmer, which is great. Can I ask whether this is a regular thing, or if today was just a particularly difficult day, sleep wise? It's so difficult when you're in the midst of it and have no idea what to do to get through the next 10 minutes, let alone the day - so, so many of us have been in your shoes and we sympathise (or most of us do!)

You have avoided the question of support on the basis it isn't relevant. As others have pointed out, it is relevant to your mental health, which is what is concerning outsiders. It doesn't mean a partner, what about a parent or a friend, anyone who can come and sit with your son while you take a bit of time to gather yourself - is there anyone? I know you're concerned about your son, and that makes you a good mother, not a failing one! But, like a tired day never did you any harm, a day of poor sleep will not be detrimental to your son in any way.

Tomorrow is another day. Please consider getting support. It's invaluable.