Could something be wrong with my 2yo? Please help

[Cakeandslippers]

Hello, I'm feeling very broken and sad right now so please be gentle 😔. I can hear my 2yo upstairs having a complete meltdown, it's been constant for over 2 hours now, I've had to come downstairs as I just feel so awful I can't bear it (husband is with her).

She's always been a bad sleeper but since Christmas she's refusing to go to bed, not just refusing but it's a nightly meltdown, and I've never known anything like it, she's like a wild animal, she gave herself a black eye the other week throwing herself around her room (we were there but it's impossible to stop her, she's strong).

We've got a solid bedtime routine and she likes it, she's fine till it's time to lie down and she just won't. Then it escalates most nights to a horrendous meltdown.

We've tried lying with her to go to sleep, she either refuses to lie down or just messes around and it can go on for 2-3 hours. On the advice of the HV we tried just putting her in bed everytime she got out (3 nights of 50+ times putting hat in bed, she screamed a lot it was awful, it seemed to work on night 4, she didn't scream and went to sleep, but after 3 relatively good bedtimes we were back to normal). We've tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, it didn't work at all.

She normally has no screen time after about 3ish, often none after 10am. Naps are hit and miss as she does the same screaming for naps with me so they often don't happen, though she will nap at her childminder or grandparents no problem. Nap situation doesn't seem to impact on bedtime at all either way.

She was getting grumpy at tea times so I started involving her with cooking and it's helped loads so she's eating plenty and happy enough before bedtime most nights.

She's also waking and shouting for dad 1-5 times a night, sometimes settles ok, sometimes has a complete meltdown and normally in between.

We also have a 7 month old who I feel isn't getting the attention he deserves because of this, I never get any time with my husband as the baby also wakes a lot and so we're in separate rooms and evenings are taken up with the 2yo battles. I'm so stressed and sad, feel like we're doing something horribly wrong as she's so unhappy. But I'm now wondering if this is even normal, everyone I know who's had similar issues can at least lay with their child to get them to sleep, she normally just crashes out from exhaustion and I hate the idea she's crying herself to sleep every night, its breaking my heart.

Is it possible there's something wrong with her? Or have we done something terribly wrong? I'm just so sad and tired and I don't know what to do.

Bit of a random thought but could she have threadworms? It can be really easy to miss. When our son had it when he was about that age he was exactly like you say at bed time. I mentioned it to my friend and she said ‘I bet he’s got worms’. Treated him and bedtime back to normal. They come out at night and can really distress children. They can be completely missed for a long time apparently. Anything’s worth a try!

Hi OP,

I just wanted to say you're doing great and sound like a fantastic mum. Its so so hard operating on not much sleep. I know I feel desperate at times because of it.

I've had a similarly difficult time with my oldest since her baby sister was born. She's nearly 4 and the baby is now 8 months and I think we're starting to come out of it, although there are still good days and bad days. Our battle hasn't been sleep but toileting. She'll refuse to go to the toilet and then wet/soil herself, which is incredibly frustrating and is slowly ruining our sofa and carpets.

I think it's been a really tricky time for the little ones. There's been so much change in their lives, and they have so little control, I think it's their way of expressing some of their feelings of frustration and their need for reassurance.

Of course, get her ears checked and a medical cause ruled out. A thought of mine was worms/teething. Worms can be more painful in the evenings, as can teeth as there are fewer distractions around.

But I just wanted to say, keep doing what you're doing. You obviously love and care for her so much. She'll get there in the end.

How vocal is she? Have you tried asking her if something is wrong - she might be able to give you at least some indication. My DD became scared of the dark at around 2 and a half, she was screaming at bedtime because she knew we would switch the light off. Getting a nightlight fixed it (she still has it now). Can your DD tell you what is wrong?