I started a thread a few days ago about being at my wits end with difficult bed times and night waking in my 5 yr old DD.
Tonight I did the same basic bedtime routine we’ve always done (supper, bath, story, cuddle, bed). The “bed” bit has been the difficult bit for about 2 years now and getting gradually worse. We resorted to lying next to her but this still takes a good hour with her constantly messing about. I’m pregnant and so so tired with lack of sleep that I now have quite a short fuse. Bedtimes make us miserable!
Working on the logic that she needs to learn how to self soothe alone in her room at bedtime before we can even contemplate tackling the night wakings I thought I’d try this:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/sleep-problems-in-children/
Scroll down to the bit about older child not wanting to fall asleep on their own. I think it’s for under 5’s really but there doesn’t seem to be anything for over.
So I warned her early in the day that I had lots of ironing to do and I would do that in my room while she falls asleep in her room (bedroom next door). I angled the ironing board so she could see my hands in my mirrored wardrobe.
I followed the “go back and kiss” at regular intervals. Initially just a few seconds in between, then gradually increasing minutes. I made it feel random and natural, like I was ‘just passing’ her room and popped in and gave her a kiss and said “I’ll be back in a minute”. Initially she didn’t want me to leave at all and there was a mini tantrum and (pretend) tears. Then she was talking a lot and I had to remove a load of toys that were scaring her (one of those things was a pair of headphones!!!).
Eventually she settled down and went to sleep!
It took 1 hour in total. So the same as me lying next to her, but at least she fell asleep more independently than she has for about 6 months and I got lots of ironing done.
I’m hoping tomorrow it won’t take as long, but I plan to go in and kiss just as regularly and then gradually wean it down.
I feel like it was a success because I didn’t lose my cool at all. I told her I loved her about 15 times and I said quite a few times “don’t worry, I’m still around, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” it genuinely seemed to comfort her.
I’m off to sleep to get ready for being awake later, but wanted to share to spread the idea really!