Anyone else trying to gently sleep train?

[MrsIH]

Dd2 is 13 months old and always been a crap sleeper. The longest stretch of sleep (up until very recently) I’ve had is 3 hours and that is on a good night. Generally I think she was waking 2 hourly but I’ve had nights of every 45 minutes. I have a dd1 who is 3 but who is thankfully a good sleeper.

I’m not at work atm luckily and I have no tolerance really for the crying methods. They’re just not for me so I’m not looking for suggestions or justifications of them.

What I’m trying is getting her to fall asleep in the cot and also trying to reduce feeds (she is breast fed) over night.

Anyway the falling asleep in the cot is going well. She did last night but some nights I’m still putting her down asleep as I pick her up and cuddle her if she cries. Frustratingly last night she woke up after 2 hours even though she’d fallen asleep in the cot. I think I got her back down ok but then she woke after another 2 hours. Then I was up for 2 hours trying to settle her. I gave in and fed her in the end although she still didn’t go back to sleep! DH managed to get her down in the end. So I’ve had about 5 hours broken sleep which isn’t great.

Basically looking for anyone else trying to do a similar thing and some moral support. I’m desperate to improve sleep as it’s so hard having her and her sister all day on my own on broken shit sleep!

And the most fucking frustrating thing is she is falling asleep in the bloody cot so why want up 3 hours later.

@Colinthedog hope you got some sleep the rest of the night. I think if the baby is upset you have to do whatever to sooth them so I’d have fed baby too.

I’m trying to gently nudge dd to better sleep although it’s not going so great last couple of nights! I think there must be something else going on for her - teething etc. Maybe same for you?

Did your lo fall asleep in the cot at bedtime? I think that’s the main aim at the start even if you feed to v v drowsy!

I'm sorry you both had bad nights. I hope you are both okay today. Maybe there is an element of teething going on. We had this constantly since 6 months. Don't feel disheartened it will happen eventually.
Dont feel bad about feeding. As mum you need to know what you know if right for LO. You know them best.

Hi! Can I join for solidarity?

DS is also 13 months and breastfed overnight.

Depending on how sleepy he is at bedtime feed he will go to sleep in his cot and I can sit in the chair in his room (I used to sit next to his cot) but if he happens to fall asleep whilst feeding it just happens.

He normally goes to bed around 7 but typically wakes up at 10ish, 2ish and has been having painfully early rises between 4.30/5.30. It's been tough as I'm back full time now.

He's at nursery every day though so I'm hoping the routine admiring the day will start to help. Apparently he just takes himself off to bed when he's tired during the day.

I really don't want to leave him to cry but I dread when I check the clock and see he's waking at 4/4.30 as it's so hard to get him back to bed and my day starts at 6 so really trying to ride it out into he assumption this can't possibly last forever?!

Hello and welcome @SisterA.

Early starts are the worst! Yeah I know what you mean I feel the same - surely it’s got to improve at some point. What’s your game plan?!

So I have a new theory that dd is hungry. She ate loads of dinner the night she slept for 6 hours but last night hardly touched her food. So game plan for today is full her up. She’s just had porridge made with whole milk and double cream!

Hi @SisterA The early starts sound really tough, especially when you are back at work. Really hope you can start to lengthen that last sleep stretch soon.

@MrsIH That sounds horrendous. And even worse that it was after a reasonably good night the night before. Good luck on operation Get Her Full!

The rest of the night was mixed really. He woke and fed at 1, and again at 4. Those were the times I said I would feed him, and he seemed really hungry both times and had a big feed. So I was thinking that the night was turning around. But he was wide awake after his 4am feed and didn’t go back to sleep until 5.30. He then slept until 7. Luckily DH took DS1 this morning until 7 so I got a bit more sleep. I take what I can get these days. It’s amazing that 3 hours now seems like a long sleep stretch!

Filling ds up seems to be working for me. I didnt want to post and seem like I'm bragging or jinx myself, but things are improving. He only woke once last last at 4.20am so I fed for 7 mins and put down awake. He went back to sleep at awake at 6 for the day. Just so none of you lose the will. He's longest stretch up to a couple weeks ago was 2.5 hours but was normally every 45 ish minutes. I'm wishing everyone better sleep tonight!

@HakunaMatataa that is great! I’m so pleased for you and it does give me hope.

@HakunaMatataa That’s amazing! You give me hope!

I'm just waiting for it to all go wrong I suppose. But definately the increase in solids has helped. And the forcing myself to get up and walk around with him and rock ect rather than feeding. I offer water at every wake up. Think that's why hes stopped bothering so much. He knew he wasnt going to get the milk lol. Obviously when hes been teething, not giving him milk hasnt been an option. I am worried about when he starts teething again and I'm scared I'll go backwards and feed to sleep and have to start all over again.whats also help is I've kind of dedicated my life to building a strick routine.
6.00ish bf
6 30 breakfast
9.00 bf
9.15 nap (self settle - around 1.5hrs)
11 - bf
11.30 lunch
12.30 top up bf
1.15 nap (self-settle 1.5 hours)
3.30 - bf
5.00 - dinner
6.00 - bf
6.30 bath (no longer than 10 mins)
PJs, story.
7.00 in bed I sit next to the cot and only pick him up to resettle if he cries and put straight back down.
Hopefully this could help

Well she went to bed at 6 and is awake and crying already This never happens. I tried picking her up and it worked but then she cried as soon as I put her down then when I picked her up again she just got frustrated so now I’m leaving her to cry. It’s awful. It’s not getting better, this is worse than it was.

Also she’s shit at napping in the day. Only ever manages about 2 30min naps on me and spits out solids

@HakunaMatataa thanks - that routine is so similar to mine but with more day bf. So I chucked an extra feed in today. I tried to give her filling foods but she wasn’t so into her dinner again. Sigh.

Anyway she just went down v easily so that’s good. I’ve discussed with DH and If any resettling is taking longer than 45 mins we’re going to feed her cos we’re so shattered now.

I get what you mean about worrying about regressions. But with my dd1 whenever she regressed she always went back to good sleep. I think once the good and positive sleep habits are there then they’re there for good!

@puds11 sorry you’re having a hard time. If this isn’t like her maybe there is something else - illness, teething etc. Maybe take a break and try again in a week? Please don’t leave her to cry. I’m sorry - i know how shit it is but I think long term we need to make going to sleep a safe, happy thing.

I just don’t think it’s going to work for us. She gets more upset if I pick her up, she’s waking at times she would never normally wake up and I don’t want bedtime to be upsetting for her. I might just give up on it because I can’t see how to do it without either leaving her to cry or me holding her whilst she cry’s first even longer

You poor thing. No, it doesn’t sound like it’s working. What we all want is there to be no crying not more crying!

Maybe have a look at the no cry sleep solution book. That helped me make some improvements initially and helped me stop feeding to sleep at least.

I think I’ll have read, thank you. What I don’t want is to make things worse. I only want to drop the early feed, I don’t mind about the rest, I would just like to have 6-11ish without feeding to spend time with older DD and DH. It’s so tricky knowing what to do for best but really she’s so little she has to be the priority. I guess once she’s ok with solids it might naturally change.

Oh @puds11 sounds tricky. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. If you're just trying to drop the first feed my sleep lady sent by HV recommended seeing how long they feed for naturally. Then reducing the time by a minute every couple of days. Until eventually they dont wake for it. She does sound very unsettled. Maybe teething or something else is going on? Don't work yourself up. I second previous advice and maybe stop for a week or so. My DS was exactly the same at that age. Naps were awful and could literally use him as a 30 min timer. It just got better I'd say when he was about 9 months.
@MrsIH I'm so glad bedtime was okay! A bit harder here. Took around an hour to settle him.
Ds never feeds as much during the day but since starting to sleep a bit better he has been upping his intake in the day, I'm guessing to make up for lack of night feeds. I agree with feeding after 45 mins. It's so draining, especially once you've been to sleep and then you're woken up.

Regressions never scared me with my first. He was a fab sleeper. From about 6 weeks he slept through. Amazing how different they all are!

I hope tonight is a good night.

Thank you @Hakuna I think I might try that instead. It seems like a much gentler approach

Welcome @puds that's the way I'm cutting the last feed. She also advised the gradual retreat method as its gentle. If I can I'll try and attach a photo.

This is the gradual retreat.

Thank you! I think I’ll give her a week or so then try these. I given up for tonight and am feeding her now.

Hi all. Thanks for such a warm welcome! It's been a hectic day. Of course DS is up but he's been asleep since 7ish so a good run and I'm giving him a quick feed in the hopes it will carry him over to morning......... I hope everyone's nights go well despite any rocky starts!

I'd like to try the gradual retreat method but when he wakes up in the middle of the night and I go through he's not really awake. He's almost still sleeping and his eyes are squeezed shut so how would he know I'm in the room?! Or do you comfort and calm down and then place back down and go stand/sit where you were before?

Sometimes I feel like we are so in tune he knows exactly when I begin to close. Eyes and drift off...