What do you do with 8 week old 6-11pm?!

[DoveGreylove]

My 8 week just doesn't sleep in the evenings. I have tried everything. I am so exhausted. I just don't know what to do with her. Why won't she go down to sleep?? She won't even sleep for an hour or so. The only time she will begin to settle is 11pm and that in itself has to involve feeding to sleep / rocking to sleep.

I just don't understand what people do with their babies in the evening. How do you get them down???

Some people say theirs doesn't sleep til they take them up to sleep between 10-11 but what do you then do with the baby for the rest of the early evening?

Please someone help me :(

@AtlanticaBlue @PatricksRum

Come on guys, those comments are unnecessary and plain nasty. A new mum, with a new baby, who thinks it should all come naturally when the truth is none of us really has a bloody clue. We all wing it. It's easy to feel pressured and not know what you should be doing, not doing, trying to do and so on. The OP, and others in the same position reading the thread, need reassurance and support not comments like those. Really unnecessary.

We struggled at the same age. In hindsight-DS was awake for way way too long between naps. The poor little thing was massively overtired and would get himself into a state for hours each evening. It was heartbreaking. Eventually we decided to keep his awake windows to 1.5-2 hours max (or whatever is relevant to the age-changes so frequently at this point, I found ours on google/Pinterest) and then we did whatever we needed too, he would be fed, clean and entertained, & by the end of the window we would wind him down and either pushchair in a dark room rocking/car/bounce/sling until he slept. It gradually got easier as he was less exhausted and we slowly crept sleep time forward until he was in bed at an earlier time but he was around 5 months before he was in bed for 6/7pm. For us we were just totally missing his early tired signs and getting it really wrong, and had to just opt for the best way for him to get to sleep, even if it wasn’t what suited us, until we got into more of a rhythm.

It feels like forever but it soon resolves & passes. Good luck. Xx

.A new mum, with a new baby, who thinks it should all come naturally when the truth is none of us really has a bloody clue. We all wing it.

This with bells on!!
I remember freaking out and really doubting myself when DC1 was a newborn, because she wasn’t behaving the same way my nephew had as a newborn, and I was trying all the things Dsis was telling me worked for her....DC1 wasn’t having any of it!
As soon as I just relaxed and realised “fuck this....I’ll just do it our way and figure out what works as we go” life in general with a newborn seemed a thousand times easier

I agree with @WineIsMyCarb I have 5 month old twins who are in exactly the same routine, both girls go down at 7pm, feed at 10pm and then go through till 5am

Yes it’s incredibly hard to keep that routine & I do accept that not all babies/parents are able to do it, but if your baby can then it’s a godsend.

Ultimately though there is no right or wrong, If it works for you then it’s right way.

Give yourself a break you’re doing a fab job. I was just saying to my husband earlier that the early days with baby/babies is so so so hard/dull/unrewarding but now they’re 5 months, rolling all over the place, smiling & laughing so so much more enjoyable.

It’s a cliche but it really does go quickly

Xx

I love a routine, but at 8 weeks my youngest was napping on his dad’s chest in the evenings and bottle feed snacking while I got my sleeping shift in. Baby changed at 10 weeks, 12, 15...he’s sleeping great at the moment at 4.5 months. Please don’t despair, they really change so quickly and you’re doing nothing wrong asking for advice! Ignore those who instinctively know everything about everything, mothering certainly hasn’t come naturally to me and I’ve learnt loads from books and forums.

I'm not being nasty. It's informative.
As a society we will continue to feel worried about our cgikdren's sleep patterns until we change our outlook, which shouldn't be that at an 8 week old should sleep at set times.

Cluster feeding and eat chocolate!
8 weeks is way to early to get into a routine. Just relax and go with what your baby wants to do.
Routines can come later. They are only tiny for such a short amount of time!

@PatricksRum read your original comment back, consider reading that as a knackered, worried, unsure new mum and consider how it might seem. If your intention wasn't nasty, fair enough, but your post was unfortunately worded.

@AtlanticaBlue

That's a pretty awful thing to say!

I am talking about the evenings and what do people's babies do. I did not say I had a routine. I said my baby doesn't ever go to sleep on her own. Ever. She will sit there wide eyed or cry. I have to rock her to sleep. I was wondering what everyone else's baby's do. The evenings are very tough for me.

I said I'd let her lead tonight eg see if I can wait for her to doze. Try to relax and calm down about her lack of sleep. And guess what she hasn't slept a wink.

So thanks for your help !

@DoveGreylove It's so worrying having a newborn and a lack of sleep makes you feel beside yourself, doesn't it? Is it the lack of sleep for her that is worrying you, or do you just desperately need sleep yourself? If it's the former, don't worry, babies are programmed to be more awake in the evenings-something to do with milk production but I can't remember exactly. Anyway, it's fine, if she is content and tired, she will sleep. If it's that you need sleep (totally understandable) do you have anyone who could help? Allow you to express milk if you're feeding yourself and have a catch up on shut eye?

As lots of us have said, it will honestly pass, and you'll look back and feel it went in a flash, but when you're in it it feels never ending. Relax and enjoy if you can, take allll the help and eat allll the snacks.

@thebakerwithboobs We're all knackered. But there's no point continuing with unrealistic expectations. Don't expect a baby to sleep. Simple and that stops the worrying and comparing.

My little one is nearly 6 months but I remember that stage well . Honestly it was super hard . I remember nights when my other half would cut my dinner up so I could eat with one hand and let my little one cluster feed . I never knew what time she would sleep at any day . At that point I believed it would never get easier and eventually it did , babies find their own rhythm in time. Hugs it's exhausting at this stage .

OP you might find a walk round the block helps, baby in pram or sling. It can be soothing and stops you getting claustrophobic indoors. DS and I look at flowers in the dusk, it's lovely and he often drops off.

The (paid) working day stops around 5 and you get an evening. It can feel unfair that motherhood is 24/7 with no break!

As you'll have noticed, sleep can be controversial! They form routines eventually, I think nudging them towards one by lying them down at a particular time etc doesn't hurt. You have to make your own mind up about how long you're prepared to let them cry.

I think the pressure to be in routine really contributed to my post natal depression. The doctor who told me to relax and enjoy my baby and not worry about what time it is really helped.

@@PatricksRum agreed. And there are kind ways to say the same thing that don't make you sound like an ass 🤷‍♀️

@thebakerwithboobs I'm straight to the point. I don't think I sound like one, I think you do. It's subjective.

Is she distressed OP? Does she feed to sleep normally? My DS is older but he's been awake for about 5 hours now. He's currently on the boob and eyes are starting to droop so hopefully he'll drop off soon!

If she's awake but happy enough then I wouldn't worry about her too much, she will go to sleep eventually although you might need to help her with some pacing or rocking (both my DS have needed support to drop off). There is nothing wrong with this. It's quite normal.

Is it that you need some sleep or a break? If so, I completely get that. Can you get DH/DP to take her earlier in the day when things are calmer? I found a lie in in the mor I guess was easier to achieve than the evenings due to cluster feeding etc.

Its pretty early days for a routine. None on mine really started settling for a routine until three months old plus. And even then, not always! We had a moses basket on rockers we would pop downstairs and rock the awake nuisance whilst watching TV. Or I might breast feed until I was very sick of it! This too shall pass.

Wake at the same time every morning without fail. Even weekends.

Make sure she sleeps within about an hour/1.5 hour’s of first waking. Chuck her in sling or go for a walk.
Then another nap with a similar gap.
Then a smaller nap near bedtime. Then a bedtime about 12 hours from wake up.

This worked much better for my second than my first - because with my first I let him (inadvertently) get massively overtired and he’d miss his bedtime slot.

My second lived in the sling until about 3 months so got better quality naps. She also got the same wake up due to toddler brother!

I sometimes went to bed with my youngest to help her settle better - having a tv was too stimulating. I didn’t mind as I was exhausted anyway and it didn’t last long!

At this age...boob, boob and more boob.

But on a serious note...

With my first I was OBSESSED about routine but my baby just was not ‘getting’ it. I was so so stressed and I regret not just kicking back in my PJs and watching TV with baby. Sometimes it does involve just pacing up and down.

Thank you to those of you who have given kind advice. For those of you who haven't been helpful please jog on.

I think some people have misunderstood the basis of this thread which is me trying to establish what everyone else does with their baby in the evenings as mine certainly doesn't sleep. Like I've said I have friends who say their baby goes to sleep after bath time at 7pm and sleeps til 11pm feed etc and I just don't understand how they've managed to do it. My baby will only go to sleep by rocking her which is fine by me but I end up doing it all night 7-10:30 or whenever I take her up to bed and I just wanted to know if anyone else has this or am I doing something wrong for this to be happening every night.

I DO have PPD and it hasn't been helped by being judged that I don't "leave her to cry" already, don't have her in a routine yet, don't get up at 7 every morning to start the day in a light room etc (I'm so exhausted from the day before and the night waking up and breast feeding, I just feed her then we go back to sleep til 9) etc etc.

I'm trying to establish if what I'm doing is right or wrong. If it's normal or abnormal. If I'm alone in this or not. As being a first time mum is the most stressful, anxious, worrying time of my life and I feel incredibly lonely and a failure at times despite having a loving husband and supportive family.

I am tired yes. The baby just won't take the bottle. We try every day and she just screams. I wish I never started breastfeeding as I just feel trapped by it now. She doesn't take a dummy either. She just spits it out immediately and cries. She only sometimes falls asleep in her pram. I tried earlier and she was awake the whole time I was out with her trying to get her to just close her eyes for a bit.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done and my confidence has been knocked to shreds.

Honestly OP, you are in the eye of the storm right now. It will get better. You are not doing anything wrong, it's just really, really hard. This too shall pass.

OP you are doing nothing wrong.

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to this whole parenting malarkey! You just work out over time what works for you and your baby and go with it
I know it’s hard when everyone around you appears to really have everything under control....but I promise you, behind closed doors, they’ve all felt the same self-doubt as you at one point or another, whether it be about their baby’s feeding/sleeping/development etc. We all feel it at some point - especially when it’s the first baby and you feel like you have no idea what the hell your’e doing because this thing didn’t pop out with an instruction manual

Have you tried one of the bean bags for babies? We got one for my son who loves it, meant it to my friend who’s baby would only sleep in it during the day and our new baby also loves it. Don’t know if it’s because it wraps round them almost and must be very cosy.

You are 100% not alone, your baby is 100% normal. You are doing a fabulous job.

IMO anyone who tells you to let baby cry it out is outdated and misinformed. You know what’s best for your baby and for you. I’d much rather be (and am) the mum who sits at the bedside for hours than the one with the baby who learns no one comes when they cry. x