What do you do with 8 week old 6-11pm?!

[DoveGreylove]

My 8 week just doesn't sleep in the evenings. I have tried everything. I am so exhausted. I just don't know what to do with her. Why won't she go down to sleep?? She won't even sleep for an hour or so. The only time she will begin to settle is 11pm and that in itself has to involve feeding to sleep / rocking to sleep.

I just don't understand what people do with their babies in the evening. How do you get them down???

Some people say theirs doesn't sleep til they take them up to sleep between 10-11 but what do you then do with the baby for the rest of the early evening?

Please someone help me :(

Please stop reading all that shit - this comes from someone who was EXACTLY the same as you and I feel I ruined some of that newborn time expecting things of him he wasn’t doing and wondering what I was doing wrong!

Step away - it will pass and the next stage will come in. My son is three and goes to bed really well (now) and aside from a shit couple of months this time last year always has done. And he fell asleep downstairs with us till he was 8 months old and then he started going to bed on his own. We only started putting him to bed when he fell asleep at about 7 months. I didn’t see the need to put him up till then.

Evenings are a pleasure to have to yourself but do remember your baby doesn’t run like everyone else’s!

You are making way too much of 'bedtime' here.

Your baby is tiny. Grit your teeth and snuggle up without trying to put them to bed at a particular time. They will be older soon and all that will come.

This is what everyone on here is telling you so please stop stressing!

Honestly, IME it's not that uncommon for newborns to sleep weirdly well for the first three or four months and then for it all to go to shit. So all those parents who have apparently sleep trained their 8-week-old baby might be in for a nasty shock in a couple of months time

My DD was sleeping through at 8 weeks and of the four babies in our antenatal group, three were doing so (as in 9pmish to 5 or 6 with no wake-ups). At 7mo, none of them are sleeping through, but they do all tend to go down to bed earlier now.

My DD didn't go to a 7pm bedtime till about 4 months and even then that was just of her choosing - before that she just came up with us at 9 or 10. Baby sleep is a fragile and fickle thing. People also lie a lot about sleep as it's like some sort of badge of honour, even though it's generally fuck all to do with anything you've done as a parent. I'd bet good money some of the people you know are talking bollocks. If their babies are waking every three hours or so for feeds that's not sleeping through anyway that's just kind of normal sleeping if you have a decent sleeping baby to start with.

I really wouldn't be trying to put them upstairs/in their room unless you want to spend the whole night going up and down the stairs and/or sitting in the dark.
This is my life! My 4.5m old has two modes come 6pm: howling or going to bed, and will only settle with strict routine, dark room, white noise, boob… and me beside her. Currently eating pad Thai over her head like brand-new newborn days 😂 Be careful what you wish for, OP, a 6.30-7pm bedtime isn't the be-all and end-all as I'm learning – babies have so many more sleep tricks up their sleeves to drive you demented.

For all those that are calling me!! I only did what was suggested to me by my midwife.

My son as been a marvellous sleeper. No harm came to him by crying the monitor was on. I or dh would go check him out if it was longer than a few mins.
So as some have said, I’m not an unloving mum who would abandon her son and I am not an hideous mother either.
It worked for me.

At least I’ve never been one of those mum who moan about their child still up at 10pm or lying next to them in bed getting them sleep and get to the door and they get up. Some taking hours to get them off.

Re being in bedroom with adult, so how do they go on in hospital nursery? A nurse stays in the nursery all night.?

And yes none of the mums I know with babies the same age were enforcing bedtimes at this stage (I know as we all have a WhatsApp group and it was very active in those early weeks). Everyone had their babies downstairs in a Moses basket or on them or whatever till they went up to bed at 9/10.

Ds was doing 9-7 at 10 weeks old and had dropped his night feed by four weeks. He slept well until regression and even then picked it back up after. He did 7-7 when he was about 11 months. Before that it was probably 8-6.

But even he started waking at 5am a year ago and waking in the night and then when he was in a bed coming and getting in ours at whatever hour.

This too shall pass - a phrase I love.

@granadagirl There aren't hospital nurseries any more. Your baby stays with you all the time, unless they are in NICU when they will be monitored all the time. I'm guessing your experience was a long time ago or you aren't in the UK (perhaps, given your name). Hospital nurseries were a thing when I was born 33 years ago but I'd be surprised if there are any in the UK any more!

@granadagirl what hospital nursery?! There is no such thing!

I've had two sections and was left with my baby to get on with it overnight (DH couldn't stay either). I'm not aware that there are any hospital nurseries still in existence outside of places like the Portland.

I think you have the right idea with “let her lead”. This absolutely will pass and she will grow and want /need to sleep longer with the innate knowledge that there’s always someone there for her.

@granadagirl hospital nurseries went out the window decades ago....along with dangerous advice like putting a newborn to bed in a separate room to the parents and leaving them to “self soothe”......(which is a myth in itself by the way A newborn cannot self soothe. They just learn that no one is coming whether they cry or not. Leaving babies to cry damages their developing brains through elevated levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Science tells us this.)

Also OP: BURN THE BABY BOOKS!!

You can read every book on this planet that will tell you what your baby “should” be doing at a particular age....but you’re baby hasn’t read any of the books and won’t play by the rules set out in the books!
You are doing nothing wrong.
Your baby is displaying behaviour that is biologically normal for a newborn baby

There's a hospital nursery at Brighton, they took DD for a few hours for me so I could sleep as I hadn't in a few days. It's staffed and this was overnight so yes, there's someone with babies the whole time.

(I don't know if there's truly a nursery or some kind soul just hung out with DD in her plastic bassinet thingy at the midwives' station or something, they told me they could take her to the nursery and through the morphine haze that seemed like a good plan. I definitely met staff with "nursery" badges on. Then again, morphine.)

Hello! My baby is 8 weeks too. I agree with PP’s about not bothering with a routine at the mo. It’s pretty much impossible and will only end up with you being stressed out.

Have you heard of the wonder weeks app? It’s free I think and is brilliant for identifying the phases of neurological development. It lets you know what to look out for and when and how long it might last. Sometimes knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel can help. Hold in mama. It’ll pass. x

P.s. will also add. Currently we are sat feeding. She’ll maybe dose for a wee bit soon and then feed on and off with some awake spells thrown in. She will also settle around 11 and sleep until 3ish. Quick feed and then down again until 6.30. With a night time sleep pattern like that for an EBF baby at 8 weeks I really feel like I can’t complain about what’s she’s doing in the evening! 🤗

Lie on floor for tummy time. Both my boys were awake at that time until about 3 months old.

Of course a breastfed could get full- their tummy can't accept milk forever?!

This is NHS evidence-based advice:

Don't worry about feeding your baby whenever either of you wants. You can't overfeed a breastfed baby, and your baby won't become spoilt or demanding if you feed them whenever they're hungry or need comfort.

Babies sometimes need to comfort feed. They might not be taking much milk in, but it soothes them and helps support their immune system.

None of what you've written about sleep pattern etc is unusual. The only thing that stands out to me as unusual is your belief that your baby overfeeds.

Do you offer a breast when your baby is screaming in the evening? Or do you assume she's full and doesn't need any more?

If you breast feed you're very lucky, the answer to nearly any problem is a boob when they're little, and don't let any Gina Ford type books tell you it isn't! If in doubt, offer a boob!

Apologies if this is already what you're doing, but from your posts it seems perhaps you're deciding that she's had enough and doesn't need any more BFing?

Please stop reading all that shit - this comes from someone who was EXACTLY the same as you and I feel I ruined some of that newborn time expecting things of him he wasn’t doing and wondering what I was doing wrong!

This.

I haven't read the thread for fear of reading Gina Ford bullshit. The answer is enjoy her. Cuddle, cluster feed, eat snacks, drink tasty drinks, read whilst she feeds, catch up your. box sets, whatever. It will not last forever and I promise you, when you have enormous children, an empty fridge (even though you filled it five minutes ago) and a bathroom full of pubes your heart will break for the time when your little angel baby lay in your arms for the evening looking at you like you're the best thing ever 😍

@thebakerwithboobs fear not!!!
Only one so far with crap Gina Ford-esque “advice”

The baby books and articles are lying about babies sleeping through.

The actual evidence tells a different story. Some do, some don't. Some do sometimes and not others.

Amy Brown, author of this study from Swansea University for example says:

The findings are very interesting as they firstly challenge the idea that babies should be sleeping through the night once they are past a few weeks old and secondly that what you feed babies will help their sleep. There is a common belief that formula milk or giving more solid foods will help your baby sleep better and this study shows this isn’t true.

We did find that mothers who were breastfeeding fed their baby more at night but this could be because breastfeeding is a simple way to get your baby back to sleep quickly! The babies who were formula fed still woke up, they just weren’t fed.

She went on to say:

There is a lot of pressure on new mums to get their babies to sleep through the night and a multimillion pound market trying to sell them ways of doing this. We hope that our findings are of comfort to new mothers who have a baby who is still waking in the night, in showing them that many other babies are waking too.

And not so relevant to you right now but interesting, she also said:

We hope that it will also give new mothers confidence to continue breastfeeding and introducing solids gradually as they know stopping will not magically make their baby sleep.

www.swansea.ac.uk/humanandhealthsciences/news-and-events/latest-research/sleeplessnightsnewresearchfindsbabiesshouldwakeatnight.php

OP I actually feel sorry for your baby.
Yes, let the baby LEAD. How can you contemplate doing anything other than that and who cares what your friends are doing? This isn't a competition? I'm glad you've asked for help, but please god stop trying to force the baby to do things just because. Everything is a phase at this age .in a few weeks baby will be doing something totally different. It's called being a parent to a newborn baby, get on with it.

Really? You're reading a book to inform you when your baby should sleep?
Honestly, this modern view on babies and their routines is getting worse.

The one thing that should be highlighted to new parents is lack of sleep. Your baby will sleep when they want to. You just get on with it.

Another study from Swansea University found a link between parenting books that promote strict routine for babies and postnatal depression.

They explored the link between parenting books that encourage parents to try and put their babies into strict sleeping and feeding routines and maternal wellbeing.

The study found that the more mothers read these books, the more likely they were to have symptoms of depression, low self-efficacy and not feel confident as a parent.

So put those books down!

Link to study press release: www.swansea.ac.uk/press-office/latest-research/newresearchfindslinkbetweensomebabybooksandpostnataldepression.php

@AtlanticaBlue @PatricksRum

I'm not sure why you would think either of those comments would be helpful to a new, sleep deprived mother who is doing her best and seeking some reassurance?